Dr. Helen recently posted an article about one man’s story of being raped. His experience sounds much like any other date rape experience, except that the male is the victim and that his rapist used her gender and pregnancy as a means of keeping him silent. It takes a certain amount of bravery to put one’s story out there. I applaud Dr. Helen for taking this man’s experience seriously and writing an article that in no way denies the pain and suffering the rape caused him.
However, I am truly astounded by the level of vitriol people have thrown at this man. It ranges from flat-out mockery to insulting him directly. More than that, it is not one specific group of people doing it. It is not just men or just women or just feminists or just conservatives who fear “homosexual rape.” Someone from every group has attacked this man for no apparent reason other than his gender.
As I stated on Dr. Helen’s blog, I am not so much shocked at the response in and of itself. Rather, I have never gotten used to seeing this kind of reaction, which I have yet to see in any instance other than high-profile rape cases. It is as if some people have literally gone out of their way to bash this man, both his credibility and who he is as person, simply because woman raped him and he did not like it.
This happened to this man when he was 19-years-old and it took him years to come forward only to receive a general reaction of “So what?”, “Only women can be raped” and “You should have liked it. I would’ve.” He is an adult and I can imagine that this is causing him a ton of distress. Imagine then he if were still a child and came forward to feminists quibbling about rape definitions and female strength, men flat-out laughing at him and women doing the same, but with a more condescending tone.
This is what it looks like to be a male victim. This is what they have to face if they come forward. It is not just that they will be called liars or that people will imply that they wanted it or that they could have stopped it if they wanted it. It is that extra bit of “C’mon, you’re a guy. Man up and stop whining.” that come virtually every person who has anything to say other than “This woman is a rapist and I’m so sorry she did this to you.”
This is why men and boys do not come forward. The dissent against men and boys speaking out about being raped by women (or raped at all) is so loud and overbearing that the people who do not hold those views get completely drowned out (in this instance, I am not be facetious. One must literally look for the supportive comments on both sites). Until we change our attitudes about whether women can hurt men and boys and whether men and boys should just “tough it out,” male victims will continue to be pummeled into silence not only by their rapists, but by the people who should be on the victims’ sides.
Your blog is doing a very special job-awaremess! …and,I am grateful to find another like myself that finds it important for society to realize that men are victims too.
Thank You
AWARENESS…my spelling is alright,my fingers just can’t find the right key!
I posted a comment over there, it might still be in moderation. Basically I agree with your sentiments expressed in the thread and here in this post.
I read it. It was a great post. It is unfortunate that there are not that many people over there that will understand it.
I too find most of the comments disturbing. Some claim that because they – in their fantasies – might wish for this, that he ought not to believed when he said it was emotionally painful for him. That is little more that saying he’s not following the standard male gender expectation of always, under any circumstances, with any possible female, wanting to have sex.
The female commenters were interesting too. Many of them fall back on the “rape as a provable legal matter” view, saying since he couldn’t prove his case in court, or have the police take him seriously, it wasn’t rape. Apparently the feminist claim – that any lack of positive, unambiguous enthusiasm at every progressive stage of a sexual encounter means that a rape occurred – only applies to women’s experiences. Not men’s. Apparently men have to be physically forced to claim rape. Women just need to say they had exhibited mixed feelings about what happened for it to be considered rape.
This is a perfect illustration that feminists – as much as any group – have double standards and rigid models of how the sexes are to behave.
TS:
Thank you for your excellent comments on Dr. Helen’s blog entries. Also, thanks for posting this one about my own experience and the mob mentality of male rape deniers.
If you get a moment, could you shoot me an email? I’d like to talk.
Thanks.
You are most welcome. As much I as appreciate the gratitude, the fact is that you should never even have to give it. Comments like the ones I comment should not be in the minority.
I will try to email you later this week.
To my mind, the word “rape” has taken on almost holy proportions to these women who decry this man’s predicament.
They almost seem to worship the definition of rape. I know it’s only because an accusation against a man is a very powerful tool, and this nuclear option can be exercised at will.
Here’s a new angle, women fear, but at the same time worship the concept of rape.
[...] 22, 2008 by TS A few weeks ago I posted about the backlash James Landrith received when Dr. Helen wrote about his experiences. I happened onto a [...]