In light of my recent post about disclosing abuse, I think this case is particularly important. When people hear or read about women raping men the question that first comes up is “How could she do it?” Our notion of female strength is such that people tend to think it impossible for a woman to force a man to do anything. However, that is not the case. All it really takes is a credible threat:
Police say a Washington County woman raped a man and burned him with a curling iron to get him to comply.
Police say the 22-year-old man knows his alleged attacker, 23-year-old Samantha Harvey, of Washington, Pa.
Ms. Harvey was on her probation on theft and threat charges for stealing money from her grandmother in 2006.
Police charged Ms. Harvey Tuesday after investigating the man’s claim that she forced him to have sex at his home on Aug. 20. The man told police Ms. Harvey clipped the hot curling iron to his ear and burned his genitals with it.
Ms. Harvey is also charged with involuntary deviate sexual intercourse, terroristic threats and reckless endangerment.
One wonders about the “involuntary deviate sexual intercourse” charge. I hope it does not mean the woman sexually assaulted the man with the curling iron. Setting that aside, this situation shows just how a woman who wants to rape a man or a boy could potentially go about it. Men who want to commit sexual violence often use weapons as a threat to garner compliance. It should not be so unfathomable to people that women would do the same thing.
Dude, seriously next time you post such a blog, include a picture.
Why would any normal looking woman have to go to this kind of trouble to get laid ?
She can just put an add online, or even more simple go outside and say out loud, what it is she wants and I am sure lots of men will be more than happy to give it to her.
The idea that only ugly women rape is a ridiculous myth. I doubt that her looks had anything to do with it. It is most likely the case that she simply did not care what the man wanted and decided to force him to do something he did not want to do. Is she a coward? Certainly. But her looks have nothing to do with why she is a rapist.
Indeed. The woman who raped me was not some hideous monstrosity. She was a local dominatrix and not at all unattractive.
However, she was not interested in consensual sex, regardless of the options she could have exercised easily. It was the power of taking and controlling she wanted – not a sex partner.
Great to see you James.
Thanks for drawing attention to the Independant piece on your blog. It’ll get spread a bit further as a consequence.
Rape is not about sex it is about power. Good looking men and women rape all the time. It is a way to have power over someone and deny their humanity.
my boyfriend went through something similar minus the curling iron. the woman was a old childhood friend who admitted to doing what she did and says it was planned so she could have a baby which she did. when asked why she said because she knew he would be a good father! My boyfriend is ashamed and embarrassed about what happened he thinks he was drugged because he only remembers bits and pieces about that night and now has to live with it because of the child…..is there anything he can do. he has evidence of her confession??? please help
Bianca, if he has evidence of her confession then he should report it to the local police and press charges against the woman. If the child was the product of her raping him, he could potentially file for custody on the grounds that the woman is a threat to the child. Outside of that, there is nothing more he can legally do unless he wishes to relinquish his parental rights. In terms of help services, he can called DAHMW or SAFE to talk to someone immediately about his assault. If he does not feel comfortable with that, he can visit Male Survivor’s forums and discuss it there. He can also find information about therapists in his area who are familiar with male rape victim’s needs. Another site he could visit is 1in6. It has a great deal of helpful information that may make it easier for him to come forward when and if he chooses to.
Thank you so much. our relationship was RUINED by this and we just want it to all go away. he doesnt want to be in the childs life but hes being pressured to by family members so relinquishing his rights is the route he may take. do you think the time of when it happened makes a difference? HER son is 1yrs old now and he doesnt have any contact with her or the baby because he doesnt like the idea of it. like i said hes being pressured and was there playing the role as a father at first but it all began to be to much on him so he stopped. she even named the baby after him and he wasnt there when the baby was born! i didnt know that a person could even do that. what can he do about that?
A mother can name any man as the father of the child on the birth certificate and he does not have to be notified of that. If he can get a statement from her admitting that she drugged and raped him to have a baby then he may have a good chance of arguing for the severing of his parental rights, particularly if he has had no contact with the child. It is important for him to do this as quickly as possible since the woman can file for child support at any time and even if she was charged and convicted of rape she would likely have it granted. He should also talk with a therapist about what happened. If having any contact with this woman and the child exacerbates the trauma inflicted on him it could help increase the chances for the court granting his request for the severing of his rights. Honestly, if this woman was willing to rape him to have a child it is probably in the child’s best interests to be with his father, despite the emotional problems that may cause. There is no telling what this woman would do to his son, and I am sure he does not want the boy to be abused in anyway.