A Band of Brothers


There are many men and boys who experience abuse in their lives. They often do not have a place to talk about those experiences. This post is a space for that.

Any man or boy who wants to share his experiences of sexual abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse, bullying, and harassment may do so here. You may submit your story as a comment. You can use your own name, a pseudonym, or remain anonymous.
You may share whatever you feel comfortable with, be it your whole story or just a moment.

The purpose of this post is show people what men and boys go through. It is to shed light on the truth of those experiences and shatter the stereotypes of about them.

I will moderate all comments and remove any that are not from men or not on topic. This just to make sure the comments are only from men and only about their stories.

(A note to those posting: if you use profanity, the comment will automatically go into moderation. This applies to all comments on this blog, so it is nothing personal. Once I see the comment, I will approve it.)

Hypocrisy, thy name is Katy Gallagher

Here is a thought: if you accuse someone of being slightly patronizing and condescending, it is best if you do not take that tone yourself. It makes you look like a hypocrite and a jackass.

For someone unknown, Australian Senator Katy Gallagher decided to illustrate this point during a Senate committee hearing:

An ordinary parliamentary committee meeting has turned heated after Labor Senator Katy Gallagher accused Liberal Mitch Fifield of ‘mansplaining’, prompting an angry response about reverse sexism.

Communications Minister Fifield was answering a question from Ms Gallagher about welfare bills when the Labor senator interjected.

“I love the mansplaining. I’m enjoying it,” Ms Gallagher said, referring to the 2014 Macquarie Dictionary word of the year.

“You’re loving what? … What’s mansplaining, senator?” Mr Field asked.

Hilarity ensues from there: Continue reading

A Dose of Stupid v121

It happens every day. In fact, it is pretty hard to avoid it. There are some things that can only be understood with a slap on the forehead. Things so mind-boggling that one wonders how humans managed to evolve thumbs while being this mentally inept. Case in point:

Alleged rape victims sue University of Tennessee over respecting due process

Several women allegding sex assault filed a lawsuit against their school for creating an alleged hostile environment:

Six women filed a federal lawsuit on Tuesday claiming the University of Tennessee has created a student culture that enables sexual assaults by student-athletes, especially football players, and then uses an unusual, legalistic adjudication process that is biased against victims who step forward.

They cite dozens of examples in the suit, most of which have nothing to do with their specific cases and are not sex offences. The group argues, however, that the school’s permissive attitude created an environment that promoted the alleged sexual assaults.

One could make such an argument. Many schools do have separate standards for student athletes, and it is not uncommon for such students to get a pass when they behave badly. It is possible that this would include instances of sex offences.

Where the lawsuit gets bizarre is in the the last accusation:

The plaintiffs say that UT’s administrative hearing process, which is utilized by public universities across the state, is unfair because it provides students accused of sexual assault the right to attorneys and to confront their accusers through cross-examination and an evidentiary hearing in front of an administrative law judge. The administrative law judge who hears the case is appointed by Cheek, the lawsuit says.

In other words, it is unfair to provide accused students their right to due process. They should not be allowed to question their accusers. They should not be allowed to defend themselves. They should not be allowed to even see the evidence against them. This is “unfair” to the accusers.

The reason this appears in the lawsuit is because some of the cases in Tennessee have been dismissed due to lack of evidence. This lack of evidence would only come out found during evidentiary hearing or if the accused could question the accuser. As noted in another article:

It’s worth remembering why UT is not rushing to judgment: Its Chattanooga administration’s adjudication of an accused student got swatted down by a judge last summer, who said the burden of proof was on the school to show that (surprise) a student athlete didn’t obtain consent from his accuser. In other words, “affirmative consent” is not legally enforceable. […] This is what the group of six rape accusers want to end – a procedure that puts complainant (accuser) and respondent (accused) on the same legal footing. Where accusations don’t equal guilt. Where there’s not a predetermined result to satisfy a federal witch hunt backed by financial threats.

This is ridiculous and unethical. While it is understandable to decry a school protecting its student athletes (who are often the people the schools use to make money), it is indefensible to argue that we should remove due process because sometimes the accuser’s story does not parse. Yet this is the stage we have reached, where accusers and their supporters will trample other people’s rights for the sake of protecting someone else’s rights.

We will see whether the lawsuit continues. It is difficult to see how it this will go forward given the nature of the accusations. The complainants are essentially arguing the school acted improper by not violating the accused’s constitutional rights. 

Iraqi refugee rapes boys, claims “sexual emergency”

In one of the most horrific cases of rape I have heard of, an Iraqi man raped a 10-year-old boy at a pool because the man was sexually frustrated:

Police investigators have ascertained that the 20 year old man entered Austria on the 13th September, travelling into the country via the Balkans.

On the December 2nd he brutally attacked the young boy, pulling him into a changing cubicle, pulling down his swimming trunks and assaulting him. Although the boy cried out he was not heard by anyone, Kronen Zeitung has reported.

Following the attack, the Iraqi amused himself by diving repeatedly from the three metre board. The young boy, meanwhile, went to a lifeguard in tears and told him what had happened. The police were immediately called and were able to arrest the Iraqi on the spot, while the boy was taken to hospital suffering from serious injuries.

I read about this story several days ago, but it has taken me some time to process it. When a person rapes someone, they usually do not remain at the scene. They certainly do not set about repeatedly diving into a pool. To assault this boy and then remain at the scene as if nothing happened is baffling. This is particularly odd given that the man admitted that sex with boys is “forbidden in any country in the world.”

Why rape the boy? If you know it is forbidden, why do it?

Yet he did it, and for a bizarre reason: Continue reading

Men report horrific abuse committed at a Sydney boys’ home

The Royal Commission into Institutional Responses to Child Sexual Abuse listened to numerous accusations of abuse committed at a Sydney boy’s home. According to the accusations, scores of boys were physically and sexually abused by staff at Daruk Training School in Windsor. The facility held state wards and juvenile offenders, operating for about thirty years until 1991. Several men claim that staff preyed on dozens of boys, engaging brutal assaults, including forced circumcision (fair warning: the description is graphic): Continue reading

Stop the Abuse: The Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests

Often times people want to help others but do not know how. This cannot be any truer than when it comes to helping abused men and boys. The resources sometimes are not apparent and are often difficult to find. Sometimes the resources are hidden or even barred by other groups who wish to polarize the issue. The intent here is to provide those who wish to help male victims with the opportunity to do so. Every month I will post a new link to an organization that provides services for male victims. As the list grows, I will create a page where all the links can be found.

Please remember that you do no have to empty your wallets to help. Even a small donation can go a long way. And for those on the other side of the issue, it would go a long way to demonstrating real concern for all victims if you donated as well.



Welcome Statement:

If you’ve been victimized by clergy, please know that you are not alone. You can get better. You can reach out to others who’ve been hurt just like you have. Together, we can heal one another.

We are SNAP, the Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests.
We are the nation’s largest, oldest and most active support group for women and men wounded by religious authority figures (priests, ministers, bishops, deacons, nuns, brothers, monks, and others). We are an independent and confidential organization, with no connections with the church or church officials. And we are here to help.

SNAP was founded by Chicago’s Barbara Blaine in 1989. Since then, SNAP has helped thousands of survivors. We offer support in person, (via monthly self-help group meetings in chapters across the country), over the phone, on line, and at twice-a-year national meetings.

We also provide a safe and productive outlet for the passion many survivors feel toward preventing future abuse.

Our web site exists to provide support and knowledge to all victims of clergy abuse, to help educate the public, and to help ensure that in future generations, children will be safe.

Welcome! Reach out! Get help!

Please donate and help make a difference.

Man walks free hours after admitting rape of young boy

When I typically write about cases of sex offenders walking out of court with no jail time, the offender is female. She usually gets a pass for some asinine reason related to her sex, looks, social status, parental status, mental state, childhood, or general health. This time it is the offender is a man, although the reason for his release is just as ridiculous:

The 23-year-old man, who cannot be named to protect the victim, pleaded guilty on Wednesday in Brisbane District Court to three counts of rape, five counts of indecent treatment of a child and two counts of failure to comply with court-ordered reporting requirements.


Judge Terry Martin sentenced the man to 12 months jail suspended for 18 months for the rapes and an 18-month probation order for the remaining sex offences and a fine of $150 for the compliance breaches.

He will serve 50 hours community service.

The unemployed man was 15 or 16 when he abused the victim in 2008 or 2009.

The victim was four to five years old at the time of the offences.

In short, this was a first-time offense for something the man did as a minor. That would explain the 12-month jail sentence, yet it does not why the man was allowed to walk. It is particularly bizarre considering why this case even reached the court: Continue reading