A Band of Brothers

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There are many men and boys who experience abuse in their lives. They often do not have a place to talk about those experiences. This post is a space for that.

Any man or boy who wants to share his experiences of sexual abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse, bullying, and harassment may do so here. You may submit your story as a comment. You can use your own name, a pseudonym, or remain anonymous.
You may share whatever you feel comfortable with, be it your whole story or just a moment.

The purpose of this post is show people what men and boys go through. It is to shed light on the truth of those experiences and shatter the stereotypes of about them.

I will moderate all comments and remove any that are not from men or not on topic. This just to make sure the comments are only from men and only about their stories.

(A note to those posting: if you use profanity, the comment will automatically go into moderation. This applies to all comments on this blog, so it is nothing personal. Once I see the comment, I will approve it.)

The tangled web of lies from UVA’s Jackie unravel

Thanks to a current lawsuit against Rolling Stone magazine, more information about the UVA accuser Jackie Coakley made news. According to current reports, Coakley concocted a fake persona and lied about the gang rape in order to woo one of her male friends (one of the young men she later claimed told her not to seek help after she was “raped”):

In the filing, Eramo’s lawyers submitted new data from Yahoo concerning an e-mail account linked to “Haven Monahan,” the man Jackie identified to friends as the perpetrator of her assault. An investigation by the Charlottesville Police revealed that no person by that name has ever been a student at U-Va., and Eramo’s lawyers have presented evidence in court documents indicating that he is a figment of Jackie’s imagination.

Ryan Duffin, a student who knew Jackie at U-Va., told The Washington Post that he believed that the character was created by Jackie in an effort to attract Duffin’s romantic interest, a tactic known as “catfishing.”

Catfishing is when a person creates a fake persona online. It is sometimes used to trick another person into a romantic relationship, usually directly, but in this instance it was an attempt at causing jealously. It did not work. It appears that Duffin had no interest in Coakley. However, that did not stop the latter from trying: Continue reading

The Evolution of Humanism+

While it does not appear anyone uses the term Humanism+, many of the problems that led to the creation and collapse of Atheism+ crept their way into the humanist movement. One would think a movement that presumes all humans deserve equal treatment would already cover social justice concerns about race, gender, and sexuality. Yet as Sargon of Akkad explained in a recent video, the progressive forces who inched their way into the movement argue that humanism does not address social justice issues as it currently stands. The progressives must alter and improve humanism so that the ideology recognizes the uniqueness of each issue.

To understand how baffling this move is, let us use a different example. This move is akin to someone saying “Love everyone” and the progressive shouting “But what about women? And blacks? And gays? And transpeople? And otherkin?” It is as if progressive  think the concept of human rights does not apply to those groups. They must have rights specific to them or at least their rights specifically acknowledged.

It is idiotic, and thankfully Sargon has the patience to walk us through it to understand how progressives got to this point: Continue reading

Bulletin Board v291

Abused men suffering from lack of support services — More services are needed to support male victims of domestic abuse, a charity has warned. Abused Men in Scotland (AMIS) – the country’s only group working to support male victims of domestic abuse – said rising levels of this kind of abuse mean more support is needed. It comes as new figures on partner abuse contained in the Scottish Crime and Justice survey revealed that of the 576,000 adults in Scotland who experienced some kind of abuse since the age of 16, 178,000 these were men.

Celebrated Alaska storyteller charged with sex abuse of 14-year-old — A prominent Alaska storyteller and performer faces felony charges after police say he had sex with a 14-year-old boy he met on Craigslist. Jack J. Dalton, 43, appeared in court Wednesday in Anchorage. He is accused of visiting the teenager’s home for sex in March and later admitting in a text message that he knew the boy was underage. Police say Dalton told investigators he previously had sex with a different juvenile he met online five to six years earlier and has used software to anonymously view child pornography.

Cuomo Mum on Child Sex Abuse Bill as Deadline Nears — New York Governor Andrew Cuomo has dodged repeated entreaties from advocates against child sexual abuse to support legislation that would enable many victims of this crime to seek justice from their abusers. In a May 9 statement, Cuomo sidestepped pointed questions from the advocates, and from the press, about his willingness to push the state Senate to pass the Child Victims Act before the current legislative session ends June 16. The bill would eliminate New York’s statute of limitations for sexual abuse, which is one of the shortest in the nation. Continue reading

Woman’s sentenced doubled in child rape case

New Zealand’s criminal court decided that giving a woman who raped her one-year-old son, filmed it, and sent it to another person in exchange for $300 deserved more than eight months of home detention:

Krystal Harvey, who was 22 when she carried out the abuse, was originally sentenced in January in the Manukau District Court to eight months’ home detention, and 100 hours’ community work.

The case sparked outrage on social media, with many people saying Harvey should be behind bars, and others threatening to physically harm her. An online petition demanding she be sent to prison attracted more than 6500 signatures.

Following the threats, Judge Recordon converted her home detention sentence to a two-year jail term for her own protection.

But the Crown said the sentence was manifestly inadequate and wrong in principle, and appealed to the High Court.

Justice Wylie agreed and extended the sentence to three years and nine months.

The court decided to increase the woman’s sentence not because it was inherently the wrong sentence to begin with, but primarily because people sent threats against her. Continue reading

Music That Inspires: Ten

Yes, I am one of those people who like Pearl Jam.

I do not remember the first Pearl Jam song I heard. The one that sticks in my mind is Jeremy, mostly because of the video, but I feel like I heard Alive or Evenflow first.

I consider Pearl Jam’s Ten a perfect album. I love every song. It has a special meaning for me because the summer of 1993. The album almost plays out exactly the that summer went. I remember listening to the songs and seeing parts of my life in the lyrics. The songs were not at all about the situations I experienced, but I saw them that way.

I also made my younger brother hate this album. I would make him listen to it, either by the stereo, headphones, or singing the songs. When moved in together years later, he banned from playing the album on anything he could hear. A running joke between us is that to annoy him I will sing the opening lines of GardenShe don’t wander in, don’t wander in here, she — which he usually follows up with something along the lines of “I swear to God….” and then offers a colorful threat. (Ironically, this is just happen. He heard me playing Evenflow and yelled at me, and now he is yelling at me and hitting me for adding this to the post.)

I think the reason I love the album is because of the raw energy of the music and lyrics. The way Eddie Vedder sings adds to this. He is similar to Bjork in that you cannot know what he will say next. It is as if he is finding the lyrics as he goes along.

Below of my favorite songs from the album. I ended up buying the European version of the album a few years ago to replace the original I left at home, which explains the inclusion of Dirty Frank. Continue reading

When false accusations take their toll

A feminist once stated about false accusations

“The accused would have a rough period. He might be suspended from his job; friends might de-friend him on Facebook. In the case of Bill Cosby, we might have to stop watching, consuming his books, or buying tickets to his traveling stand-up routine. These errors can be undone by an investigation that clears the accused, especially if it is done quickly.”

I wonder if she would apply that logic to Matthew Green. He went missing in 2010. This followed a tumultuous time he experienced dealing with a false accusation of rape. According to reports:

Matthew was investigated by police following an allegation of rape made by a girl, then aged 16.

Police surrounded his home and he spent 10 hours in custody as officers investigated the case.

But video footage taken from CCTV cameras showed that Matthew was at a petrol station in east London at time the alleged attack took place some 40 miles away in his hometown of Sittingbourne.

The girl then admitted her story was a complete fabrication and police dropped the case against Matthew.

His father Jim said today: ‘I think after everything that happened, it pushed him to the limit. From that time [his arrest] the boy we knew as outgoing, football and girls mad – he seemed to just stop.

‘From that he was never the same. Police officers came round to apologise after, I said look at that young boy. That’s what you’ve done to that young lad.

‘He became very withdrawn. His social life just went to nil. He packed up playing football, he wouldn’t go out. He began isolating himself in his bedroom and ate meals upstairs.’

Green turned to drugs and alcohol, ending up in a severe cycle of drug abuse prior to going missing. He remained missing for six years, and was recently discovered living in Spain. He reportedly is in psychiatric care refusing treatment. Continue reading

Man raped at gunpoint by three women

Three South African women kidnapped and raped a man to collect his semen:

According to reports, the three women were driving in a black BMW when they spotted the unsuspecting pedestrian and stopped in the pretense of asking him for directions. One of the women then pointed a gun to his face and forced him into the car.

The women drove the man 500 kilometers (about 311 miles) to a location where they attempted to rape him. When they could not get him aroused, they forced the man to drink a concoction that induced an erection. They repeatedly raped the man, collecting his semen and storing it in a cooler after each ejaculation.

The report states that these incidents are becoming more common. Similar crimes occurred in Johannesburg and Gauteng. Police have yet to arrest anyone for the crimes. It is possible that the assaults stem from an attempt to use the semen as part of traditional medicine: Continue reading