A Band of Brothers


There are many men and boys who experience abuse in their lives. They often do not have a place to talk about those experiences. This post is a space for that.

Any man or boy who wants to share his experiences of sexual abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse, bullying, and harassment may do so here. You may submit your story as a comment. You can use your own name, a pseudonym, or remain anonymous.
You may share whatever you feel comfortable with, be it your whole story or just a moment.

The purpose of this post is show people what men and boys go through. It is to shed light on the truth of those experiences and shatter the stereotypes of about them.

I will moderate all comments and remove any that are not from men or not on topic. This just to make sure the comments are only from men and only about their stories.

(A note to those posting: if you use profanity, the comment will automatically go into moderation. This applies to all comments on this blog, so it is nothing personal. Once I see the comment, I will approve it.)

How “rape culture” revictimizes men

A recent article on the Raw Story argues that “rape culture” victims men. Ana Kasparian stated in her piece:

There is a lot of talk about rape culture and its disastrous impact on society. It’s always used to describe how acts of sexual violence get a pass, with women being the primary victims of male entitlement. But the perpetrators in the two stories detailed above were women, and society has proven over and over again that when a women is guilty of sexually assaulting or raping a victim, it’s not to be taken as seriously.

There are endless examples. When an attractive female school teacher rapes one of her underage male students, the focus of the story shifts from the crime committed to the attractiveness of the rapist. Assumptions are usually made about the male student “wanting it.” But if the genders were flipped, and talking heads claimed that a high school girl “wanted” to have sex with her much older male teacher, everyone would justifiably flip out.

The dismissive attitude regarding male rape isn’t only objectionable, it’s also extremely harmful because it leads to the unjustified narrative that men can’t be raped. They can certainly be victimized, and it’s actually happening with shocking frequency.

It is refreshing to see feminists acknowledging male victimization. Ten years ago, feminists dismissed the kinds of the statistics Kasparian lists in her article as pure men’s rights nonsense. Now feminists take the statistics more seriously, although it appears that they do so less out of concern for male victims than out of a desire to control the narrative.

This is obvious in Kasparian’s article, and two things stand out to me. Continue reading

Feminism and “Homosexual Misogyny”

Sargon of Akkad published a video about feminist claims of misogyny among gay men. This is something I heard when I was a child, and it remains a common complaint from feminists. Their argument is that gay men mock femininity and adopt an exaggerated form of it that women could never perform. They also argue that some gay men adopt the personas of oppressed women like black women, again exploiting the identity in a way that those women would never get to do in society.

I found it a bizarre argument when I was a child, and I continue to find it ridiculous now. While there are scores of gay men who engage in exaggerated femininity, the majority of them are not doing so out of malice. If they find black women to be the pinnacle of whatever identity it is that they wish to achieve, they are hardly co-opting the black female experience anymore than a black woman behaving like JFK is acting white. Continue reading

Bulletin Board v273

Boys prove ‘resilient’ after enduring years of violence — Two small boys have shown “remarkable resilience” after enduring years of serious violence at the hands of their caregiver, a court has been told. The caregiver, 60-year-old Shahidan Nisha, appeared upset throughout her Christchurch District Court sentencing on 27 charges by Judge Alistair Garland on Friday.

Campus speaker touting men’s rights has fire alarm pulled on her –Cathy Young, a prominent writer critical of exaggerated campus rape statistics and radical feminism, elicited protests during a recent two-stop speaking tour at college campuses in Canada, which included having a fire alarm pulled during one of her speeches.

Ex-Priest Who Raped Boy Will Be Freed After Decade in Prison — A former Roman Catholic priest who raped an altar boy and spent more than a decade in prison will be freed after prosecutors withdrew a civil petition Friday to have him committed as a sexually dangerous person.

Former teacher charged with rape, pleads not guilty — Brittney Breedlove, 29, of Everton, a former teacher at Valley Springs School, was arraigned Friday on rape and sexual assault of two juvenile males, records show. The rape charge alleges Breedlove engaged in sexual intercourse with a juvenile male under the age of 14. Continue reading

Attorney General to review child rape case

There is some good news concerning the recent child rape case in the UK. After numerous complaints, 48 in total, the Attorney General will review the suspended sentence Jade Hatt received:

Jade Hatt, 21, walked free from court despite having full intercourse with an 11-year-old boy she was looking after.

Her victim’s mum slammed the six-month suspended sentence , and now the Attorney General will look into the case.

His office must decide whether to send the matter to the Court of Appeal by October 30.

The boy’s mother complained about the embarrassing sentence: Continue reading

A Dose of Stupid v116

It happens every day. In fact, it is pretty hard to avoid it. There are some things that can only be understood with a slap on the forehead. Things so mind-boggling that one wonders how humans managed to evolve thumbs while being this mentally inept. Case in point:

A hashtag shouldn’t make men fear for their lives. They already have a safe space – most of the world

I find people’s reactions to Bahar Mustafa’s arrest interesting. Most of her detractors did not back her arrest because it violated her rights to free speech. Most of her supporters remained silent, either baffled by her arrest, disinterested because her fifteen minutes of fame have passed, or annoyed that so many of her detractors actually stood by their principles. Then there are the feminists for whom irony appears to be a word they do not know. Enter Suzanne Moore and her article for the Guardian. In it she states:

It’s unpleasant but, on the whole, no one is mortally wounded by speech alone. Public space can be threatening. I have been attacked, raped and abused in my lifetime for just being, not for my “views”. That is part of life for many women. The war on women that sees two women killed a week is not even news – unless there are some sexy pics and gory details of how some shining girl became another bruised corpse, often at the hands of someone she knew. That’s how many women live. That’s how many trans women and women of colour live. My experience is not special; it is, sadly, normal.

So, I completely stand by Bahar Mustafa if she used a hashtag that said #killallwhitemen. She may have said other stupid stuff on Twitter – the place where women are tweeted abusive crap day in, day out. If men are seriously fearing for their lives because of this hashtag, they can surely organise a safe space. Indeed, they have; it’s called “most of the world”.

Because, as we well know, bad things never happen to men in public spaces. Continue reading

Woman receives suspended sentence for raping boy

In one of the most astounding cases of female privilege I have read about in some time, a woman who raped an 11-year-old boy received a suspended sentence because she was “immature”:

A babysitter who had sex with an 11-year-old boy was spared jail after a judge declared that her immaturity “narrowed the arithmetic age gap” between them.

Jade Hatt, 21, was looking after the “sex-mad” youngster when she stripped off, removed his clothes, then straddled him and had sexual intercourse.

As the judge explained:

Passing sentence, Judge Tim Mousley QC said it was an exceptional case that allowed him to step outside the rigours of the sentencing guidelines.

He told Hatt: “Having read everything before me, it was quite clear he was a mature 11-year-old and you were an immature 20-year-old so that narrows the arithmetic age gap between you.

“I have read the comments of the boy’s father to the police where he doesn’t consider you a typical 20-year-old. I have also read what he has said about the effect on the victim.”

It gets worse. The boy’s father claimed that his son wanted the abuse:
Continue reading

Bahar Mustafa faces charges over #killallwhitemen tweet

I previously wrote about police investigating diversity officer Bahar Mustafa over several over her tweets. Scotland Yard confirmed that they began the investigation after “police received a complaint on 7 May (2015) about a racially motivated malicious communication that had been made on a social media account.”

The police apparently concluded their investigation and decided to press charges against Mustafa:

A student diversity officer who came to prominence in a race row after allegedly tweeting the hashtag #killallwhitemen has been charged by police with sending a threatening communication.

Bahar Mustafa, of Goldsmiths, University of London, is set to appear at Bromley magistrates court on 5 November.

The 28-year-old from Edmonton, north-east London, faces two charges. One is sending a communication conveying a threatening message between 10 November 2014 and 31 May 2015. The second is for sending a grossly offensive message via a public communication network between 10 November 2014 and 31 May 2015.

Oh irony! How I missed thee. Continue reading