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There are many men and boys who experience abuse in their lives. They often do not have a place to talk about those experiences. This post is a space for that.

Any man or boy who wants to share his experiences of sexual abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse, bullying, and harassment may do so here. You may submit your story as a comment. You can use your own name, a pseudonym, or remain anonymous.
You may share whatever you feel comfortable with, be it your whole story or just a moment.

The purpose of this post is show people what men and boys go through. It is to shed light on the truth of those experiences and shatter the stereotypes of about them.

I will moderate all comments and remove any that are not from men or not on topic. This just to make sure the comments are only from men and only about their stories.

(A note to those posting: if you use profanity, the comment will automatically go into moderation. This applies to all comments on this blog, so it is nothing personal. Once I see the comment, I will approve it.)

Police Training for Domestic Violence with Donald Dutton

Dr. Donald Dutton, Professor of Psychology at UBC, discusses in this video the current domestic violence policies and how they affect the way police respond to male victims.

Despite that the evidence showing that most domestic violence is reciprocal, meaning both partners abuse each other, the focus is exclusively on male-on-female violence. Dutton notes that when one looks at the data, the amount of violence suffered by women compared to men is only slightly higher. The focus on women as victims appears to be more political than evidence based.

The impact of this politicization is that male victims are often treated as abusers or ignored rather than helped. Many abuse support services will refuse to help men or refer them to batterer programs. Police in several countries will arrest the men regardless of who initiated the abuse. The net affect is that men are less likely to report the abuse out of fear of arrest or disbelief. Continue reading

A Lesson About the Cult Mentality

Sargon of Akkad continued his series of videos about Dr. Arthur Deikman’s book The Wrong Way Home. In a recent video, Sargon goes through a series of case studies featured in the book.

Listening to those examples immediately brought to mind the current situation within the progressive movement. This is partly due to the similarity of their shaming and excommunication processes. Yet it is also because the case studies are essentially about liberal movements.

It worth noting that many of the people in these movements start out with good intentions. Many of them genuinely want to help other people. Yet as they become further entrenched in the ideology of the movement, the movement itself and the ideas that govern it grow in importance. It does not take long for the ideas to trump the people. Protecting the group becomes more important than helping or respecting others. This applies to every member of the group. Anyone can be chastised or kicked out, including the group’s founder. Continue reading

Student gets $6 million abuse settlement from school following abuse

In rare instance of accountability, a former student abused by one of his teachers will receive a $6 million settlement from the school district:

Vince Finaldi, an attorney for the former high school student, said the egregious conduct of Redlands Unified School administrators in the case warranted what may be one of the largest single-victim sex abuse settlements by a public agency.

“The size of this settlement represents the gravity of the damage done to this young victim and his family and it also highlights the extreme malfeasance and neglect by school officials who turned a blind eye to the criminal conduct of a teacher and failed to protect a student,” Finaldi said.

Laura Whitehurst faced 41 felony counts of unlawful sex acts. She faced a potential 29-year prison sentence. She chose to plead guilty to six counts of lesser offences, resulting in a one-year jail sentence. She was released after six months and placed on probation. She was also required to register a sex offender, but otherwise faced no other penalty. She also shares custody of the child that resulted from her abuse of the student.

The former student’s attorneys argued that the school officials were culpable because they knew of the abuse but nothing to stop it. School district officials agreed to a settlement, although it appears for purely public relation reasons: Continue reading

The Deaf Excuse: when disability (and femaleness) absolve child rape

When it comes to excusing child rape, the United Kingdom never disappoints. Of all the reasons one could think of to not imprison someone, deafness does not make the top of the list. Yet a UK judge felt that two sisters who habitually raped a boy for 14 years should not face jail time because they cannot hear:

Two sisters who sexually abused a boy over a 14-year period have been spared jail because they are both deaf and would experience ‘complete isolation’ in prison.

Julie Fellows, 30, and her sister Jennifer, 32, of Kington, Herefordshire, began molesting the victim when he was just six and then again when he was a teenager. […]

Julie was found guilty following a trial of indecently assaulting a boy aged six to nine between October 2000 and April 2004 and sexual activity with a boy aged between 13 and 17 by between October 2008 and October 2010.

Jennifer admitted gross indecency with a child under 16 between October 2000 and April 2004 and inciting a male child aged between 13 and 17 to engage in non-penetrative sexual activity between October 2008 and October 2010.

That sounds rather serious, however, Judge Robert Juckes did not agree. He decided to spare the sisters any jail time because the sisters’ disabilities would put them in “a state of complete isolation” in prison. Juckes made the decision despite sentencing guidelines recommending one year in jail for Jennifer and six years in prison for Julie.

Juckes explained his decision: Continue reading

Christopher Anderson Leads MaleSurvivor to Assist Abused Males

Tom Hodson interviewed Christopher Anderson, the executive director of MaleSurvivor. The interview covers a variety of issues related to male victimization, including the lack of services, the support MaleSurvivor provides, and the stigmas male victims face.

What I like about Anderson’s approach is that he does not focus on being a victim. He prefers to use the term “trauma”, which is a clever way of getting around the problem of recognizing men’s experiences of sexual violence. Many people, including men who were abused, do not view those acts as “rape” or “molestation”. They do not see themselves as “victims”. Using any of those terms could result in men side-stepping their issues. By calling it “trauma”, it makes almost clinical and medical. That may offer some men an easier means of accepting what happened to them without needing to view themselves as “victims”. Continue reading

What happens when you ignore female sex offenders

This what happens when people ignore women who express sexual interest in children:

A woman who was obsessed with Dublin pop sensation, Jedward, has been jailed for two years after she sexually abused two 14-year-old boys.

The woman groomed the two boys over social media before inviting both to her house in Dubdonald, South Ayshire in the UK.

She told the two boys that they could drink alcohol with her and watch films.

The abuser, Kirstin MacRuary, frequently posted on her Facebook page, prior to the abuse about her sexual fantasies involving Jedward.

Pictures of Jedward who are originally from Lucan, were posted on MacGuary’s Facebook page from when they were 12 years old, reports The Mirror UK .

One would think people would report such behavior, but it seems rather common for women to get a pass when they express sexual interest in child stars. Continue reading

Cult Behaviour: An Analysis

I hate to post another video, however, the subject is one I have meant to write about for some time. Several years ago I read the book The True Believer by Eric Hoffer. The book breaks down the myriad of ways in which mass movements prey on people and result in the “true believer”, a type of person who will defend the movement not because they believe in it but because it is necessary for their own sense of self.

The book is not about a specific group, although it frequently mentions Communists, fascists, and the religious. As I read the book I thought of the far left and feminists. Yet the notions could easily apply to groups like the Tea Party or Black Lives Matter.

The video, another one by Sargon of Akkad, analyzes another book that covers the same material from a different angle. Sargon gives an overview of Dr. Arthur Deikman’s book The Wrong Way Home, which focuses on cult behavior. Sargon mentioned in other videos that he was somewhat hesitant to post the video out of concern that his viewers might simply use it to label other people “cultists”. Continue reading