There are many men and boys who experience abuse in their lives. They often do not have a place to talk about those experiences. This post is a space for that.
Any man or boy who wants to share his experiences of sexual abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse, bullying, and harassment may do so here. You may submit your story as a comment. You can use your own name, a pseudonym, or remain anonymous.
You may share whatever you feel comfortable with, be it your whole story or just a moment.
The purpose of this post is show people what men and boys go through. It is to shed light on the truth of those experiences and shatter the stereotypes of about them.
I will moderate all comments and remove any that are not from men or not on topic. This just to make sure the comments are only from men and only about their stories.
(A note to those posting: if you use profanity, the comment will automatically go into moderation. This applies to all comments on this blog, so it is nothing personal. Once I see the comment, I will approve it.)
I suppose one could argue about generalizations. Yes, not all people on the left want to censor the opposing side. However, it does appear that most of the current voices attempting to censor are on the left. It also appears that while those speaking may represent a small group of people, a significant portion of the left as a group does not seem to have a problem with the attempted censorship.
We are seeing the attitude appear in every sphere, from the news to entertainment. Look at the situation with Cassie Jaye and her filmThe Red Pill. Feminists have successfully blocked its showing at several theaters, despite that most, if any, of those objecting to the film have never watched it. They are blocking not based on its content, but based on their feelings about what they assume the film discusses.
We can see this within the comic book industry, where several covers were pulled or replaced because of complaints from the left. This has happened in the video game industry, which led in part to Gamergate. The most recent instance occurred a few days ago at E3. This attitude has even made its way into the news, an outlet that is supposed to be unbiased, yet proves highly partisan.
So I think it is worth asking what is going on with modern liberalism that makes its adherents so inclined to this behavior. Continue reading →
One of the first rules of journalism is to know about your subject before interviewing them. No journalist wants to appear ignorant of the basic facts about a person, particularly when that information is easily acquired.
Another important rule is to respect the subject. Obviously this will not apply to everyone. Sometimes a journalist may need to be confrontational. In most cases, however, there is no need to badger the subject. Respect garners better interviews than disrespect.
Youtuber TL;DR released a video recently concerning an intriguing paper called Phallic Affect, or Why Men’s Rights Activists Have Feelings. A one Jonathan A. Allan wrote the paper. Allan is the Canada research chair in Queer Theory and Associate Professor in Gender and Women’s Studies and English and Creative Writing at Brandon University. He is the author of works such as Virgin Envy: The Cultural (In)Significance of the Hymen and Reading from Behind: A Cultural Analysis of the Anus. He is also the vice-president of the American Men’s Studies Association.
Given such stellar credentials, it is not surprising that a substantial portion of Allan’s work focuses on criticizing masculinity as bad or toxic. In his paper Phallic Affect, Allan argues that men’s rights activists have co-oped the language of feminists in regards to the personal is political. Feminists contend that a woman’s feelings on a matter are important and validate her concerns, even if the evidence suggests her concerns are unwarranted. This usually manifests as “the personal is political” or “listen and believe” or “feels equal reals”.
Allan, however, does not think the men’s rights movement has any legitimate grievances. Continue reading →
In the previous part, I discussed the CDC’s general findings from the recent 2012 survey. My analysis continues below.
As I mentioned in the previous post, the CDC’s numbers have remained consistent throughout the survey’s history. While I do think the researchers are manipulating the data in regards to sexual violence, they appear to do it same way each time. For example, the researchers again found that women commit the majority of sexual violence against male victims: Continue reading →
The CDC released a new National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey (NISVS). The survey combines data from the 2010, 2011, and 2012 numbers. Readers may notice that the most current data is from 2012, putting a five-year gap between the survey data and the current year. The researchers do not explain the delay, however, it does appear that both the 2011 and 2012 took increasingly longer periods of time to complete.
There are several things worth noting about the survey. It appears the CDC listened to the complaints about how they reported their findings. Readers may recall that in the 2010 survey the CDC repeatedly cited the rape statistics for male victims despite the “made to penetrate” victims showing a much higher prevalence rate. This resulted in skewed reporting, making it appear as if males are never victims of forcible or violent sexual assault. The researchers changed this in the current survey. They instead cite the higher “made to penetrate” rate, although this creates same problem as before (I will explain that later).
The term “made to penetrate” remains. The researchers continue to separate it from “rape” despite no one else studying, researching, or prosecuting sexual violence against males doing so. It remains as inexplicable as it was in 2011, although to the CDC’s credit they did not add in any nonsense about it not counting as rape since it is done primarily males as they did before.
The CDC again found that 1 in 3 women and 1 in 6 men experience some form of sexual violence in their lifetime. As with the previous survey, there is a higher rate of “made to penetrate” than rape among male victims. From the survey: Continue reading →
Vili Fualaau filed for separation from Mary Kay Letourneau, the woman who began raping Fualaau when he was 12-years-old. Police caught Letourneau after she became pregnant with Fualaau’s first child when he was 14-years-old. Letourneau faced a seven-year sentence. She received a six-month sentence with three months suspended and was required to attend sex offender treatment. However, shortly after being released, she was found again with Fualaau. The judge imposed the original seven-and-a-half year sentence. Letourneau gave birth to Fualaau’s second child while in prison. After Letourneau completed the sentence in 2004, Fualaau petitioned the court for the removal of the no-contact order imposed on Letourneau. The court granted the order, and in 2005 the pair were married.
This case has been an odd one because of Fualaau’s age at the time Letourneau began raping him, Letourneau’s supposed ignorance about the criminality and predatory nature of her actions, and the media’s desire to exploit the situation as just a hot teacher banging her totally willing student. One need only flip the sexes to see how preposterous such an idea is, and how unlikely anyone would applaud the marriage of a female child rape victim to her rapist.
Often times people want to help others but do not know how. This cannot be any truer than when it comes to helping abused men and boys. The resources sometimes are not apparent and are often difficult to find. Sometimes the resources are hidden or even barred by other groups who wish to polarize the issue. The intent here is to provide those who wish to help male victims with the opportunity to do so. Every month I will post a new link to an organization that provides services for male victims. As the list grows, I will create a page where all the links can be found.
Please remember that you do no have to empty your wallets to help. Even a small donation can go a long way. And for those on the other side of the issue, it would go a long way to demonstrating real concern for all victims if you donated as well.
If you’ve been victimized by clergy, please know that you are not alone. You can get better. You can reach out to others who’ve been hurt just like you have. Together, we can heal one another.
We are SNAP, the Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests.
We are the nation’s largest, oldest and most active support group for women and men wounded by religious authority figures (priests, ministers, bishops, deacons, nuns, brothers, monks, and others). We are an independent and confidential organization, with no connections with the church or church officials. And we are here to help.
SNAP was founded by Chicago’s Barbara Blaine in 1989. Since then, SNAP has helped thousands of survivors. We offer support in person, (via monthly self-help group meetings in chapters across the country), over the phone, on line, and at twice-a-year national meetings.
We also provide a safe and productive outlet for the passion many survivors feel toward preventing future abuse.
Our web site exists to provide support and knowledge to all victims of clergy abuse, to help educate the public, and to help ensure that in future generations, children will be safe.