A Band of Brothers

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There are many men and boys who experience abuse in their lives. They often do not have a place to talk about those experiences. This post is a space for that.

Any man or boy who wants to share his experiences of sexual abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse, bullying, and harassment may do so here. You may submit your story as a comment. You can use your own name, a pseudonym, or remain anonymous.
You may share whatever you feel comfortable with, be it your whole story or just a moment.

The purpose of this post is show people what men and boys go through. It is to shed light on the truth of those experiences and shatter the stereotypes of about them.

I will moderate all comments and remove any that are not from men or not on topic. This just to make sure the comments are only from men and only about their stories.

(A note to those posting: if you use profanity, the comment will automatically go into moderation. This applies to all comments on this blog, so it is nothing personal. Once I see the comment, I will approve it.)

Bulletin Board v255

5 Reasons Why Feminists Don’t Say Much About The Horrors Of Prison Rape — We’ve heard a lot about rape culture on college campuses and seen quite a few highly determined domestic violence and sexual assault advocates fighting on behalf of those who are affected. But it’s hard not to conclude that much of their dismay toward the culture of rape and violence possesses a degree of gender bias that should concern us all. One thing that is consistently off the radar screen is the issue of prison rape.

Bullfinch: Board’s error as abuse review saw 50 boys counted as girls — BOYS at risk of being targeted for sex by gangs of men in Oxfordshire are being forgotten, say support workers. A Serious Case Review into child sexual exploitation (CSE) case Operation Bullfinch, published earlier this month, identified 373 child victims who may have been sexually exploited across the county. The report said they were all girls but it has now transpired nearly 50 of them were boys.

Comics Like Batgirl Shouldn’t Require a ‘Good Feminist’ Seal of Approval — A backlash against a Batgirl comic book cover some perceived as sexually violent has caused the cover to be withdrawn — leading to a backlash against perceived censorship. Sexism in popular culture is a valid concern. But when feminist criticism becomes an outrage machine that chills creative expression, it’s bad for feminism and bad for female representation. Continue reading

Why are there no refuges for male victims of domestic violence?

Originally posted on July 7, 2014

Accord to a 2005 study, 15% of women and 6% of men in Ireland suffer some form of domestic violence. Yet none of the shelters in the country provide beds for men:

“There is not one bed for men suffering from domestic violence,” said Niamh Farrell of AMEN, the only domestic violence resource in Ireland for men.

“If there is no bed for men there is no bed for the children [with the men],” she said, explaining that fathers or guardians may not want to leave their children in the domestic situation.

“You can encourage them to look for help but in terms of housing, we can’t do anything to help them with that because there is no refuge.”

This is ridiculous. Abused men face the same problems as abused women. They need to find a safe place for themselves and sometimes their children. If no one provides them with safe housing, many abused men end up in homeless shelters and on the streets. This proves risky because some shelters will not accept men with children, and obviously living on the streets with a child is a poor option. That leaves two options: remain in the abusive situation or leave the situation yourself, but leave the children with the abuser. Continue reading

A Dose of Stupid v109

It happens every day. In fact, it is pretty hard to avoid it. There are some things that can only be understood with a slap on the forehead. Things so mind-boggling that one wonders how humans managed to evolve thumbs while being this mentally inept. Case in point:

Feminists ask conference attendees to use “jazz hands” because clapping triggers anxiety

I consider this to be yet another example of feminists’ continued effort to ironically undermine their own goals by proving their immaturity. Here is the explanation for this stupidity:

The National Union of Students (NUS) Women’s Campaign announced the clapping “ban” at the West Midlands conference on Twitter Tuesday, shortly after receiving a request from the Oxford University Women’s Campaign.

“@nuswomcam please can we ask people to stop clapping but do feminist jazz hands? it’s triggering some peoples’ anxiety. thank you!” Oxford representatives wrote.

Within five minutes, NUS tweeted: “Some delegates are requesting that we move to jazz hands rather than clapping, as it’s triggering anxiety. Please be mindful! #nuswomen15.”

I am curious: how are “feminist” jazz hands different the the typical ones? Do the feminist jazz hands have vaginas in the palms à la Vampire Hunter D? ( I am just asking questions.)

Setting that aside, let us find out how clapping is triggering. Continue reading

Police find no evidence in U-Va rape case

Charlottesville police revealed on Monday that they found no evidence of gang rape in the infamous University of Virginia case:

Police here say they have found no evidence to support claims in a Rolling Stone article that a University of Virginia student was gang raped at a campus fraternity in September 2012, noting that months of investigation led detectives to discredit several claims about the alleged assault.

Police Chief Timothy J. Longo on Monday afternoon said the police department had multiple meetings with “Jackie” — the woman who claimed she was gang raped at a fraternity party — and that she declined to speak about the alleged incident or provide any information about it. Numerous lines of inquiry yielded evidence that the fraternity did not have a party the night of the alleged attack, and police were unable to find anyone matching the description of the alleged attacker.

“We’re not able to conclude to any substantive degree that an incident occurred at the Phi Kappa Psi fraternity house or any other fraternity house, for that matter,” Longo said at a news conference. “That doesn’t mean something terrible didn’t happen to Jackie … we’re just not able to gather sufficient facts to determine what that is.”

I understand Longo’s position, however, the findings are fairly damning. Not only do they show that Jackie’s story is false, but they also show that she was unwilling to cooperate with police.

There is no way to spin this: it appears Jackie lied. Continue reading

The Darling Effect

I watched a BBC segment about sexism against men. The panel featured several feminists and non-feminists, including Milo Yiannopolous. It is an amazing thing to watch.

Despite the segment being about men and their issues, the feminists refused to allow any of the men to speak. They frequently interrupted the men, dismissing the men’s opinions about their own experiences while telling the men what it was they were actually experiencing. Of course, the feminists also followed this with a large helping of “women have it worse.”

What I found hilarious was the general condescending tone most of the feminists used. They came across as if they were doing men a favor by even listening to them. Sargon of Akkad has a fantastic take down of the round table, and he repeatedly makes the same point. Continue reading

How not to talk to child abuse victims

To the call-in radio show hosts out there, if you have someone who calls in and tells you they were abused as a child, do not say things like this:

“I feel very sorry for you but I don’t know what can be done about it now, I mean you are 80 years of age, we’re going back a long, long way. A long way”, Laws responds.

“But maybe you feel a little bit better having talked about it, do you?”

“Not really,” Brian responds.

“So in other words we’ve wasted each other’s time,” Laws says.

“I’m sorry, I would rather have liked to have thought you felt a little bit better.”

“I’m sad more than anything,” says Brian.

That was John Laws’s response to an 80-year-old caller named Brian. Brian shared his account of being repeated sexually abused as a child. He stated that he was abused at 11 and 14-years-old. The assaults occurred during the 1930s, and given Brian’s situation at the time, he was unable to report them. He did attempt to report the assaults in the 1960s and 1970s, however, the police told him to forget about it and refused to help him.

The abuse left Brian obviously traumatized. Continue reading

A Difficult Marriage

I came across an article written by a woman raised by lesbian mothers. Heather Barwick argued in her piece that while she supports the gay community, she no longer supports gay marriage. She stated:

Growing up, and even into my 20s, I supported and advocated for gay marriage. It’s only with some time and distance from my childhood that I’m able to reflect on my experiences and recognize the long-term consequences that same-sex parenting had on me. And it’s only now, as I watch my children loving and being loved by their father each day, that I can see the beauty and wisdom in traditional marriage and parenting.Same-sex marriage and parenting withholds either a mother or father from a child while telling him or her that it doesn’t matter. That it’s all the same. But it’s not. A lot of us, a lot of your kids, are hurting. My father’s absence created a huge hole in me, and I ached every day for a dad. I loved my mom’s partner, but another mom could never have replaced the father I lost.

According to Barwick, her mother married her father essentially to fit in. However, Barwick’s mother eventually came out, divorced her father, and found a woman to share her life with. Barwick’s father “wasn’t a great guy” and after her mother “left him he didn’t bother coming around anymore.”

That is a poor reason for failing to support gay marriage. Continue reading