A Band of Brothers

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There are many men and boys who experience abuse in their lives. They often do not have a place to talk about those experiences. This post is a space for that.

Any man or boy who wants to share his experiences of sexual abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse, bullying, and harassment may do so here. You may submit your story as a comment. You can use your own name, a pseudonym, or remain anonymous.
You may share whatever you feel comfortable with, be it your whole story or just a moment.

The purpose of this post is show people what men and boys go through. It is to shed light on the truth of those experiences and shatter the stereotypes of about them.

I will moderate all comments and remove any that are not from men or not on topic. This just to make sure the comments are only from men and only about their stories.

(A note to those posting: if you use profanity, the comment will automatically go into moderation. This applies to all comments on this blog, so it is nothing personal. Once I see the comment, I will approve it.)

‘X-Men’ Director Bryan Singer accused of abuse

Michael Egan filed a lawsuit in Hawaii accusing director Bryan Singer of using drugs, alcohol, threats, and inducements” to rape and exploit him:

Defendant, BRYAN JAY SINGER, manipulated his power, wealth, and position in the entertainment industry to sexually abuse and exploit the underage Plaintiff through the use of drugs, alcohol, threats, and inducements which resulted in Plaintiff suffering catastrophic psychological and emotional injuries. Defendant Singer did so as part of a group of adult males similarly positioned in the entertainment industry that maintained and exploited boys in a sordid sex ring. A Hollywood mogul must not use his position to sexually exploit underage actors.

According to the suit, the alleged abuse occurred 15 years ago during 1998 and 1999:

Egan was an aspiring actor and aged 17 at the time of the alleged assaults by Singer. The alleged assaults occurred in California, where the age of consent is 18, and in Hawaii, where it is 16, but as Egan is claiming he did not consent to any of the acts, his age at the time is not central to the matter.

The law firm representing Egan also contends that another man, convicted sex offender Marc Collins-Rector, groomed Egan, thereby making it easier for Singer to take advantage of him: Continue reading

Not quite the burn

There has been an infographic floating around concerning the men’s right subreddit. The graph shows that most people on the subreddit are white, teenage male conservatives. Wil Wheaton, of Star Trek fame, made this comment about it:

Survey of /r/mensrights turns up pretty much exactly what you’d expect.

White, male, 17-20 years-old, and disconnected from reality.

Nice burn. Except when one actually reads the infographic it also says that these men are have no religion and support marijuana legalization, two very non-conservative things. A little digging revealed that the person who created the survey found that it did not go as planned. Rhumar writes:

My original plan with this survey was to submit the same survey to /r/Feminism, wait until the responses petered out, and then analyze and compare the data. This was not going to be used to prove anything, as there are many biases which could very well have an effect on responses, but rather it was an exercise simply conducted out of curiosity.

Unfortunately, it appears that the /r/MensRights survey was brigaded with bots, or maybe even some very dedicated trolls. Regardless, the results for the survey of this sub are clearly compromised. I apologize for the disappointment.

Here are the results of the /r/feminism survey. Frankly, I was going to make my own nice result graphics but the whole brigading thing has left me disappointed with a lack of motivation for this thing anymore. I fixed the “issues” graphic though. [link]

Factors which could potentially cause bias in the responses include, but are not limited to:

  • Survey was not a random sample (data may not be representative of the sub as a whole)

  • Possibility of individuals completing survey with the intent to skew the data

What people would possibly want to skew the results of an anonymous survey about r/mensrights in order to make men’s rights activists look bad? Continue reading

Feminism is for everyone except when it’s not

Originally posted on September 16, 2013

Every few weeks, a feminist writes an article bemoaning the lack of men calling themselves feminists. The feminist complains about men equating feminism with man-hating. She objects to men thinking that feminism is only about women and women’s concerns. Sure, the feminist says, feminism is concerned with addressing oppression against women. However, it is also about addressing men’s issues. Men, she reminds us, are also hurt by “patriarchy.” Feminism is not just about women’s grievances; it is for everyone.

Except when the men who believe that have the temerity to take feminists at their word. In the article The trouble with male allies, Meghan Murphy takes issue with male feminists: Continue reading

Robert Kirkman responds to Invincible #110 reaction

Writer Robert Kirkman gave an interview with Comic Book Resources concerning the recent issue of Invincible. When asked about the graphic rape scene depicted in the comic, Kirkman answered:

It’s definitely a hectic time in Mark’s life, there’s definitely a lot going on with Robot trying to take over the world, and I’m just trying to throw Mark Grayson — the main character of this book — into the worst possible situation he’s ever been in so we can see where he comes out on the other side and whether he manages to retain his sanity in the process. We’re really putting Mark through his paces.

Also, it’s just another attempt to bring something that’s a bad part of real life into a superhero world and analyze the ramifications of something like this happening to someone in superhero comics. It’s a great medium to be able to deal with real-world issues against a fantastic backdrop that is completely unreal and see how those differences in the situation change how characters behave. It’s really all about exploring Mark’s character, and I can say it’s a very hard scene to read, and it’s meant to be that way. There will be far-reaching ramifications coming from this moment that will extend throughout the life of the book for years and years and years. It’s definitely a huge turning point in Mark’s life and it’s something that’s going to temper almost every scene with that guy moving forward. Issue #110 was a monumental issue as far as the run of the book goes.

Continue reading

Comic books, sales, and rape

Invincible #110 features an uncommon scene in comics: the rape of the main male character. In the issue, Mark Grayson, Invincible, is attacked and raped by a female character. The scene is graphic. While nothing adult is shown, there is no question that the woman physically overpowers and forcibly rapes Invincible in order to get pregnant by him. When finished, she then retorts that Invincible should “Man up. It’ll probably take a few more times. I’ll see you soon.”

I do not read the comic, but I am familiar with the general plot of the story. My understanding is that the female character is part of the same alien, Kryptonian-like race as Grayson, which explains why she is able to physically overpower him. What makes the scene unique is that it does not shy away from showing a woman doing what people usually assume a man would do. The scene does not appear to be played for comedy.

It is unclear how people will react to this. I suspect that a number of fans will take is a Grayson wanting it deep down. Some may take it as a male role-reversal fantasy (this seems the more likely feminist take), while others may find it genuinely disturbing. Continue reading

The Code of Silence

Originally posed on May 21, 2013

Over the last week, sexual violence in the military received much media attention. This partly came out of two people in charge of handling sexual assault investigations facing their own charges of sexual assault. It also came from President Obama speaking about the issue during a press conference.

Yet one aspect of this scandal remains unspoken: men make up the majority of the victims. Look at the coverage of this topic, and one sees numerous discussions about protecting women, but little mention of protecting men. One hears from women who survived assaults, but not from men. Yes, occasionally someone will remember that “men can be victims too.” Yet that afterthought does not linger long, and soon the conversation goes back to women.

This is not to say that women do not face legitimate risks. It is absurd to think that servicewomen in the field will refrain from eating and drinking at night so they will not need to use the latrine and risk assault. Yet it is equally absurd to think that the majority of the victims of these assaults would go unmentioned because they are male.

Nevertheless:

More military men than women are sexually abused in the ranks each year, a Pentagon survey shows, highlighting the underreporting of male-on-male assaults.

When the Defense Department released the results of its anonymous sexual abuse survey this month and concluded that 26,000 service members were victims in fiscal 2012, which ended Sept. 30, an automatic assumption was that most were women. But roughly 14,000 of the victims were male and 12,000 female, according to a scientific survey sample produced by the Pentagon.

The statistics show that, as Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel begins a campaign to stamp out “unwanted sexual contact,” there are two sets of victims that must be addressed.

“It appears that the DOD has serious problems with male-on-male sexual assaults that men are not reporting and the Pentagon doesn’t want to talk about,” Elaine Donnelly, who heads the Center for Military Readiness.

Continue reading

Lawmakers award boy for raising awareness about child abuse

This is a positive sign:

Often it’s sports teams or students who exhibit academic excellence. Sometimes it’s someone who has shown leadership in improving their community.

Such was the case Thursday when Sen. Page Cortez, D-Lafayette, and Rep. Stuart Bishop, R-Lafayette, got the Senate and House to pause long enough to recognize 16-year-old Elijah Evans, of Youngsville, a sophomore at Ovey Comeaux High School. Members of each body listened to resolutions honoring him as one of two Louisiana high school and middle school students to be selected to receive awards in the Prudential Spirit of Community Awards program.

Continue reading