A Band of Brothers

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There are many men and boys who experience abuse in their lives. They often do not have a place to talk about those experiences. This post is a space for that.

Any man or boy who wants to share his experiences of sexual abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse, bullying, and harassment may do so here. You may submit your story as a comment. You can use your own name, a pseudonym, or remain anonymous.
You may share whatever you feel comfortable with, be it your whole story or just a moment.

The purpose of this post is show people what men and boys go through. It is to shed light on the truth of those experiences and shatter the stereotypes of about them.

I will moderate all comments and remove any that are not from men or not on topic. This just to make sure the comments are only from men and only about their stories.

(A note to those posting: if you use profanity, the comment will automatically go into moderation. This applies to all comments on this blog, so it is nothing personal. Once I see the comment, I will approve it.)

Ending the statute of limitations on sexual abuse cases

The statute of limitations in sexual abuse cases presents a problem for prosecutors. Many states limit the time a person has to report the abuse. The limits vary from state to state, yet they generally end within 10 years of the victim turning 18. This creates a confounding situation because many victims wait years to report the abuse. It is also troublesome in that each state varies how the law works.

In some states, the limitation is based on the last incident of abuse. In others, it is based on the person’s age. Illinois, where I live, uses the latter. The law currently states that people have until they are 38 to file a complaint, but only if they were born after 1981. This limit was removed to an extent in 2013. It now allows sex crimes against children to be reported at any time, however, this only applies if someone already reported the abuse or if there is evidence supporting the accusation.

The logic behind getting rid of the limitations is simple, as the Chicago Tribune explains: Continue reading

Bulletin Board v294

British man prosecuted after confronting priest who abused him as a boy — A British man who says he was abused by a Catholic missionary almost 50 years ago is being prosecuted in the Italian courts after he travelled to Verona to forgive his abuser. Mark Murray (60) was one of 11 men who settled out of court with the Comboni missionary order for abuse suffered during the 1960s and 1970s at Mirfield in Yorkshire. They received sums of between £7,000 and £30,000, paid by the order.

Do western feminists view the rest of the world differently? — Dear western feminists, As a woman raised in Afghanistan, I cringe when I type the word “western”. I know that the experience of being a woman in this world is fundamentally the same. When I write “western”, I don’t write it because I believe that you are physically different to me. After all, what better evidence is there for our basic common humanity as women than breast cancer? The disease has no respect for our ethnic or cultural particularities. It attacks all of us equally, with the indiscriminate force of universality.

Female Sing Sing guard admits to raping male inmate — A former corrections officer at Sing Sing Correctional Facility admitted Tuesday to raping an inmate while on the job in May 2015, according to authorities. Evita Hinds, 35, of Queens, pleaded guilty to one count of third degree rape, a class E felony. She faces up to four years in state prison when she is sentenced in October, Acting Westchester County District Attorney James A. McCarty said in a news release. Continue reading

Feminists can’t stop feeding on low-hanging fruit

I read a reddit thread a few days ago defending the notion of “male privilege”. The thread intended to challenge someone’s critique of the idea, and given the left-leaning space, it devolved into mocking the position. No one there could understand why anyone would reject the concept. One person claimed that opponents to the theory treated “male privilege” as if it were a superpower.

That the feminist message about “male privilege” itself treats it as some sort of superpower, some inherent mutation that allows all males everywhere to benefit from unfair advantages regardless of the situation, never occurred to any of them. They were more invested in defending their ideology than understanding why men reject it.

Such is the case with an article posted on the Good Men Project. Author Mike Sliwa decided that the best way to address the issues men face is by arguing that men are bad and need to check their “male privilege” if they want to be good:

In a world built upon patriarchal principles and misogynistic tendencies a man may want to consider abandoning his domestication and subsequent indoctrination when it comes to being raised within the industrial model of civilization. Once confronted with the fact that our living arrangement doesn’t solve problems but instead creates them, every conscionable man must face the choice of staying the course or embracing humility. Humility is rarely taught to men. Those who become familiar with it usually have had it forced upon them by life. Men must search for humility or perish while continuing a course of action that has no future.

That sets the tone for the article. Men are not humble. No one teaches them to be humble. Men walk around clothed in pure arrogance marking everything as theirs as if they were dogs.

This is an absurd position, made all the more ridiculous because the person claiming that men are not taught humility is presenting himself as humble. Being a humble man, Sliwa knows the proper path to being a good man: Continue reading

What happens when you ignore female sex offenders

This what happens when people ignore women who express sexual interest in children:

A woman who was obsessed with Dublin pop sensation, Jedward, has been jailed for two years after she sexually abused two 14-year-old boys.

The woman groomed the two boys over social media before inviting both to her house in Dubdonald, South Ayshire in the UK.

She told the two boys that they could drink alcohol with her and watch films.

The abuser, Kirstin MacRuary, frequently posted on her Facebook page, prior to the abuse about her sexual fantasies involving Jedward.

Pictures of Jedward who are originally from Lucan, were posted on MacGuary’s Facebook page from when they were 12 years old, reports The Mirror UK .

One would think people would report such behavior, but it seems rather common for women to get a pass when they express sexual interest in child stars. Continue reading

Catholic church accused of using ‘mafia-like’ tactics to fight sex abuse bill

Is anyone surprised that the Catholic Church attempted to subvert legislation that would allow victims of abuse more time to sue their abusers?

The lobbying campaign against the legislation is being led by Philadelphia archbishop Charles Chaput, a staunch conservative who recently created a stir after inadvertently sending an email to a state representative Jamie Santora, in which he accused the lawmaker of “betraying” the church and said Santora would suffer “consequences” for his support of the legislation. The email was also sent to a senior staff member in Chaput’s office, who was apparently the only intended recipient.

The email has infuriated some Catholic lawmakers, who say they voted their conscience in support of the legislation on behalf of sexual abuse victims. One Republican legislator, Mike Vereb, accused the archbishop of using mafia-style tactics.

“This mob boss approach of having legislators called out, he really went right up to the line,” Vereb told the Guardian. “He is going down a road that is frankly dangerous for the status of the church in terms of it being a non-profit.”

We can set aside the absurdity of the church’s non=profit status for the moment. The issue here is that the bill would allow victims to file claims until they are 50-years-old. It would appear to be retroactive, meaning that if a person would were prevented from filing a suit under law, which stops at 30-years-old, they could do it under the new law. If it passes, it opens the door for many new lawsuits, potentially costing the Catholic Church millions of dollars.

This obviously poses a problem for the Church, hence the opposition to the bill. However, what is unusual is the attack on the legislators themselves. According to the article: Continue reading

Bulletin Board v293

Boy ‘abused with a dog’ by Army recruits-inquiry — Senior recruits at an army apprentice school used a dog to abuse a boy who was training to join the Army Band, a national inquiry has heard. The abuse survivor, given the pseudonym CJU, told a royal commission hearing on Friday he had spent 38 years carrying the burden of his abuse. ‘Not only was I raped by my seniors and by staff at Balcombe (a Victoria-based school) who I thought I could trust, I was mentally abused with a dog, the lowest of the low, bestiality,’ he said.

Britain’s worst pedophiles convicted of historic abuse of young boy — Ex-Navy chief Douglas Slade, 74, and racing driver Christopher Skeaping, 71, were members of the notorious Paedophile Information Exchange (PIE). The pro-paedophile activist network openly campaigned for legal sex between adults and children in the 1970s and 80s, and wanted the age of consent to be axed or lowered. Twisted supporters of the group – which Jimmy Savile has been linked to – shared obscene material and advice with fellow deviants.

Ex-altar boy who spoke out about being sexually abused by priest found hanged in home — A Pennsylvania man who spoke out against clergy abuse after publicly identifying himself as a victim of a predator priest has killed himself, authorities said. Brian Gergely, 46, was found hanged in his home in Ebensburg on Friday, Cambria County Coroner Jeffrey Lees told The Associated Press on Tuesday. Gergely went public in 2003 while suing Monsignor Francis McCaa and the Roman Catholic Diocese of Altoona-Johnstown, saying he was abused as a 10-year-old altar boy. Continue reading

The politics of private prisons and child abuse

Minnesota’s largest prison for boys currently faces investigation over covering up allegations of sexual abuse. A staff member reported the allegations to her superiors, yet nothing was done to address them. The facility never reported the incidents to the state authorities, which violates state law. When the state began to investigate the allegations, it appears the people running the private prison Mesabi Academy used their political connections to quell the inquiry:

After Mesabi Academy objected to a certain investigator being on the case, St. Louis County removed him. When the county alerted two other counties it had “health and safety” concerns about the facility, Mesabi threatened to sue. And shortly after a St. Louis County official announced the contract was ending, a powerful politician intervened on Mesabi’s behalf and expressed concern about potential job losses at the Iron Range facility. The contract was renewed.

n Friday, county officials said they had closed their six-month investigation into Mattson’s allegations without determining any maltreatment had taken place. They said they had insufficient evidence.

But St. Louis County also confirmed Mesabi Academy didn’t report several allegations of sex abuse to authorities. State law required the academy to report such allegations to St. Louis County Child Protection or law enforcement within 24 hours of being told.

In all, the county said Friday it had closed its investigation into 20 allegations of maltreatment over the past 14 months, saying in each case that maltreatment could not be determined.

In at least three of those cases, it was clear that Mesabi Academy knew of allegations but did not report them to the county. It’s not clear how many others it kept secret.

There is a big enough problem with abuse in juvenile prisons to begin with it. Private prisons do not necessarily improve the situations because they have a completely different incentive to protect their reputation. Many of these prisons are run by corporations that operate several prisons. One black mark on one prison can affect their ability to create or continue to operate the others. Continue reading