A Band of Brothers

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There are many men and boys who experience abuse in their lives. They often do not have a place to talk about those experiences. This post is a space for that.

Any man or boy who wants to share his experiences of sexual abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse, bullying, and harassment may do so here. You may submit your story as a comment. You can use your own name, a pseudonym, or remain anonymous.
You may share whatever you feel comfortable with, be it your whole story or just a moment.

The purpose of this post is show people what men and boys go through. It is to shed light on the truth of those experiences and shatter the stereotypes of about them.

I will moderate all comments and remove any that are not from men or not on topic. This just to make sure the comments are only from men and only about their stories.

(A note to those posting: if you use profanity, the comment will automatically go into moderation. This applies to all comments on this blog, so it is nothing personal. Once I see the comment, I will approve it.)

In Defense of Bigotry

It did not take long for a feminist to rally behind Bahar Mustafa. I mentioned in my prior post that Mustafa faces criticism, job termination, and potential criminal charges as a result of hate-speech she used on Twitter. Mustafa defended her use of the hashtag #killallwhitemen by claiming they were “in-jokes and ways that many people in the queer feminist community express ourselves.”

Keep in mind that Mustafa is Goldsmiths’ University union’s welfare and diversity officer. Her job is to be unbiased. Her job is to speak out against in-jokes told at other groups’ expense. To claim that the jokes are acceptable because of past wrongs is illogical and indefensible.

Enter Slate’s Amanda Hess: Continue reading

Police investigating Bahar Mustafa over her #killallwhitemen hashtag

According to the London Evening Standard:

Police have launched an investigation into a students’ union diversity officer alleged to have tweeted the hashtag “kill all white men”.

Goldsmiths’ University union’s welfare and diversity officer Bahar Mustafa sparked a race row by asking white people not to attend an event on diversifying the curriculum.

A petition calling for her to be removed from her job on the union then alleged she used “hate speech” on social media.

She had previously defended her position by saying that minority women could not be racist.

How best to express my opinion of this? Continue reading

Royal Commission hears testimony of systematic abuse

The Royal Commission into Institutional Responses to Child Sexual Abuse began its public hearings this week. The hearings are taking place in Ballartis holding long-awaited public hearings in Ballarat in Victoria, Australia. The purpose is to examine the abuse children experiences at the hands of Catholic clergy over the last few decades, particularly during the 1970s. It is not good:

Ballarat was one of the most horrific sites of abuse and it was revealed that in 1971, all male teachers and the chaplain at the St Alipius primary school were molesting children.

[Senior Counsel Assisting the Commission Gail] Furness said the royal commission would also hear from a survivor who had a photograph of his grade four class at St Alipius in the 1970s.

She said he would tell the hearing, of the 33 boys pictured, 12 had committed suicide.

That is astounding. It is shocking in part because of the severity of the impact. A third of the boys from a single class committed suicide. More troubling is that apparently all the men in positions of power in the school abused children. It also appears that many of the women at the schools knew of the abuse and did nothing to stop it. Sometimes they engaged in abuse themselves.

I find it difficult to believe that something like that could happen and no one would know about it. There are too many people, both abusers and victims, involved for this to go unheard and unseen. This is not just a cover-up by the Catholic Church. This also implicates the Australian local government. Many people had to know about this and choose to ignore it for it to get to this stage.

The stories the men share are particularly horrific, not only in their physical brutality but also in the callousness displayed by the abusers and their enablers. For example: Continue reading

Male prison rape survivors speak out

Prison rape remains a major issue in the United States. Despite the Prison Rape Elimination Act passing several years ago, states do little to reform their prison systems. Texas Governor Rick Perry has even refused to implement the changes suggested by the act.

Yet that inaction pales in comparison to how other countries view prison rape. Many countries do not acknowledge it occurs. Those that do often do nothing to curb the assaults. This is particularly true in countries where social norms prevent victims from coming forward. Such is the case in South Africa. Fortunately, there is a new effort to raise awareness:

South African prisons are notorious the world over for their endemic sexual abuse. Despite this, prisoner rape is not well understood by the South African public and government, and does not receive the serious attention it urgently needs. This is according to a report compiled by Emily Nagisa Keehn, policy development and advocacy manager at Sonke Gender Justice and Sasha Gear, programme director at Just Detention International, South Africa.

Sonke, Just Detention International – South Africa, and NICRO have partnered to increase public awareness of sexual abuse in prison. Three men came forward to share their stories about surviving rape in prison. Vincent*, Francois and Thabo* are the first South African survivors of prisoner rape to tell their stories in this way.

The three men’s stories can be viewed below. Continue reading

Jerry Sandusky found ‘perfect victims’ at the Second Mile

Matt Sandusky spoke to a group about the abuse he suffered at the hands of Jerry Sandusky:

Matthew Sandusky walked the crowd at the Pinnacle Center through the subtle and gradual grooming process of building trust with children through attention and activities before the sexual abuse actually takes place. He told them of a dysfunctional and abusive childhood that made him easy prey when steered to Sandusky’s Second Mile nonprofit for disadvantaged youth when he was 7.

“The Second Mile was feeding this man the perfect victims,” said Sandusky, 36, who said he was age 8 when the abuse began at the nonprofit’s summer camp and 17 when it ended.

He said Jerry Sandusky had all their backgrounds, knew who didn’t have a father in their lives, so all he had to do was choose who to target. He said the kids were taken to football games with seats on the 50-yard-line and the coach began spending more time with the boy’s family.

There are people who abuse children who do so merely because they are sexually attracted to children. There is no intent hurt the child or just to use them. Many of these people do genuinely care about their victims despite their actions.

Then there are people like Sandusky. The true predator. Continue reading

Louis C.K. offends people with funny jokes

I was too busy being brutally murdered in Mortal Kombat (because I suck at that game), so I had no idea Louis C.K. hosted last night’s episode of Saturday Night Live. So imagine my surprise when I woke up to this:

Host Louis C.K. is no stranger to edgy comedy — as seen on his critically acclaimed FX series “Louie” — and his nine-minute monologue shocked some on social media.

The comedian remarked on his experiences growing up in the 1970s, first pointing out that no one was offended by racist language at that time (and admitting to his “mild racism” today). Then he got a few groans from the audience once he started delving into the topic of child molesters.

He said that the child molester living down the street was not a big deal to most people at the time.

“Child molesters are very tenacious people,” he noted, pointing out the fate of those who are caught doing it.

“From their point of view, it must be amazing to risk so much!”

Many in the audience sounded shocked by this point in the monologue and he was aware that the joke didn’t go over well.

Fair enough. Let us see the offensive opening monologue: Continue reading

Bulletin Board v261

Illiberal Feminism Is Running Amok — When men disagree with illiberal feminists, a favored silencing tactic is to accuse them of “mansplaining.” The term grew out of a fairly brilliant 2008 essay by feminist writer Rebecca Solnit, who described the exquisitely annoying feeling of having a certain type of man condescendingly lecture a woman on a topic about which he knows very little—in this case Solnit’s own book.

Men Can Be Raped Too: Expert Urges Government to Recognize Male Rape — For the sake of gender equality, Jia Jian, a legal expert lecturer at the Chongqing-based Southwest University of Political Science and Law, made a proposal last Monday that the Chinese government expand the Criminal Law’s definition of rape victims in order to include males.

National support for abused men — For the first time in New Zealand, a national structure has been set up specifically to support male survivors of sexual abuse. Members from regional support groups around the country gathered at a hui in Nelson and made a commitment to the body, which would be known as the Male Survivors of Sexual Abuse Trust Aotearoa New Zealand (MSSAT).

Sexual assault cases: ‘Nirbhaya’ centres to focus on young male victims — Growing increasingly aware of molestation and sexual assault of young boys, the civic body will soon set up ‘Nirbhaya’ centres that, apart from providing medico-legal, surgical and psychological counseling to women victims, will also specifically cater to adolescent boys who have been subjected to such assaults. Continue reading