A Band of Brothers

There are many men and boys who experience abuse in their lives. They often do not have a place to talk about those experiences. This post is a space for that.

Any man or boy who wants to share his experiences of sexual abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse, bullying, and harassment may do so here. You may submit your story as a comment. You can use your own name, a pseudonym, or remain anonymous.
You may share whatever you feel comfortable with, be it your whole story or just a moment.

The purpose of this post is show people what men and boys go through. It is to shed light on the truth of those experiences and shatter the stereotypes of about them.

I will moderate all comments and remove any that are not from men or not on topic. This just to make sure the comments are only from men and only about their stories.

(A note to those posting: if you use profanity, the comment will automatically go into moderation. This applies to all comments on this blog, so it is nothing personal. Once I see the comment, I will approve it.)

The hidden truth of male-on-male rape in the military

The Washington Times published an article about a new study concerning rape in the military:

Far more military men are being raped by other men and experience other sexual traumas than is reported by the Pentagon because of the stigma attached to such assaults, says a new study released Tuesday by the American Psychological Association.

“Rates of military sexual trauma among men who served in the military may be as much as 15 times higher than has been previously reported, largely because of barriers associated with stigma, beliefs in myths about male rape, and feelings of helplessness,” the APA said in releasing findings published in its periodical Psychological Services.

If the survey of male combat veterans is accurate, it could mean the U.S. armed forces are dealing with an epidemic of male-on-male sex crimes.

Of course, in order to get the clickbait the editors decided to run the title ‘Gay’ rape in military underreported by Pentagon. This has nothing to do with the sexuality of the rapists or their victims. Men make up the majority of the military members. As a result, they will make up the majority of the rape victims because they are the most available potential victims. The editors at the Washington Times should know better than to play that kind of game.

Setting that aside, the numbers presented by the study reveal a severe problem with sexual violence against men in the military:

An Interview with Erin Pizzey

Sargon of Akkad interviewed Erin Pizzey. The conversation goes on for about a hour and a half. They cover a number of topics, but the primary focus is Pizzey’s time creating the first domestic violence shelter.

I think people might find Pizzey’s experiences surprising because what she describes is the same as the current situation. It took little time for feminists to hijack her efforts and turn it into a political tool. Pizzey’s concern lies with preventing all familial violence. It also took little time for them to turn to harassment and threats. She experienced the all too familiar phone calls to various organizations warning them about her. She had death threats. She dealt with opposition mobs. She had her name and comments expunged from various public forums.

All of this sounds like it happened yesterday. As much as I would agree that no one should paint all feminists as bad actors, people also should not lose sight of the history of the movement and the harassment and violence many feminists engaged in.

The interview is worth a listen:

What is the deal with male feminists?

Why Being a Man Means I’m Part of the Problem.
Toxic masculinity is tearing us apart.
It’s time to do away with the concept of ‘manhood’ altogether.

The above article were written by male feminists who seems to dislike masculinity, manhood, and men general. They are the most recent in a long line of anti-male screeds coming from male feminists.

Every few weeks these kind of article appear on progressive blogs. The content of the articles is always the same: masculinity is bad. Manhood is bad. Men are bad. Some of them try to get around those arguments by adding adjectives like “toxic” before masculinity, yet most of their commentary reveals that the issue has nothing to do with “toxicity.” Their problem is masculinity, manhood, and men.

The articles carry a distinct tone of anger and resentment toward any aspect of maleness. This leaves me with a question: what is the deal with male feminists?

In Sargon of Akkad’s recent addition to the Why Do People Hate Feminism series, he discussed male feminists. He argued that there are three  types of male feminists: the non-masculine ones, the well-meaning, apologetic ones, and the self-loathing ones. While I agree with Sargon’s grouping, the problem remains that what these men say is typically the same: they see no value in masculinity, manhood, or maleness beyond what can be used to please women.

42% of British men consider suicide

According to a new report, 2 in 5 men British between the ages of 18 to 45 contemplate suicide:

The Campaign Against Living Miserably (Calm) study found 42% of men aged 18-45 have considered killing themselves and revealed “shocking” facts behind male suicide.

The YouGov research also found 41% of those who had contemplated taking their own life had not discussed the feelings with anyone else.

Men said they did not want friends or family to worry about them or were not wanting to cause a fuss, the study found.

In the UK 12 men take their own lives each day – making it the biggest cause of death amongst those aged under 45.

Twelve men kill themselves per day. That is a stunning number, one that speaks volumes about men’s life experiences.

Stop the Abuse: Gay Men’s Domestic Violence Project

Often times people want to help others but do not know how. This cannot be any truer than when it comes to helping abused men and boys. The resources sometimes are not apparent and are often difficult to find. Sometimes the resources are hidden or even barred by other groups who wish to polarize the issue. The intent here is to provide those who wish to help male victims with the opportunity to do so.

Please remember that you do no have to empty your wallets to help. Even a small donation can go a long way. And for those on the other side of the issue, it would go a long way to demonstrating real concern for all victims if you donated as well.

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Gay Men’s Domestic Violence Project

1 in 4 Gay Men Experience Domestic Violence

Gay Men’s Domestic Violence Project is a grassroots, non-profit organization founded by a gay male survivor of domestic violence and developed through the strength, contributions and participation of the community.

Gay Men’s Domestic Violence Project supports victims and survivors through education, advocacy and direct services.

Please donate and help make a difference.

Dallas to open its first men’s domestic violence shelter

Here is a bit of good news:

The Family Place announced plans Wednesday for the very first dedicated men’s domestic violence shelter in the state of Texas.

To meet the increasing community demand for emergency shelter services for male victims and their children, The Family Place deemed this shelter the necessary next step in its expansion of services.

The Family Place has spent an average of $20,000 per month this year in hotel costs for sheltering male victims and their children (19 male clients as of September 2015; double the total of 2014).

Even with security, transportation and programming restrictions, hotels were the only option available to not only keep female and male clients separate, but also ensure that these men were not turned away when they asked for help.

Unfortunately, hotels do not provide adequate support.

The Queensland premier warned not to focus on male victims

The Queensland premier decided to change the language of her position on domestic violence. She previously only mentioned female victims. After meeting with a male victim, she decided to amend that position:

Premier Annastacia Palaszczuk has admitted she “changed her language” around domestic violence after hearing of the men it impacted.

Ms Palaszczuk, who has led a government-wide response to domestic violence issues after receiving the ‘Not Now, Not Ever’ report commissioned by the previous administration, said violence against men did need to be recognised while speaking with a male domestic violence survivor at the Bundaberg community cabinet event.

“I do understand that there are a number of men have gone through or are going through [domestic violence],” she said.

“I actually did change my language when it did become public because it was brought to my attention that there was some serious issues surrounding some men in our community needing help as well

“I do think that is something we do need to address a bit more.”

Australia needs to do much more. The country does a terrible job with addressing physical and sexual violence against males. Organizations like One in Three, which raise awareness about the prevalence of domestic violence against men, face opposition because many of the existing service providers do no recognize male victims and do not want to change their narrative. For the opposition, domestic violence is something men do to women, and any evidence to the contrary is unwelcome. For example: