A Band of Brothers

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There are many men and boys who experience abuse in their lives. They often do not have a place to talk about those experiences. This post is a space for that.

Any man or boy who wants to share his experiences of sexual abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse, bullying, and harassment may do so here. You may submit your story as a comment. You can use your own name, a pseudonym, or remain anonymous.
You may share whatever you feel comfortable with, be it your whole story or just a moment.

The purpose of this post is show people what men and boys go through. It is to shed light on the truth of those experiences and shatter the stereotypes of about them.

I will moderate all comments and remove any that are not from men or not on topic. This just to make sure the comments are only from men and only about their stories.

(A note to those posting: if you use profanity, the comment will automatically go into moderation. This applies to all comments on this blog, so it is nothing personal. Once I see the comment, I will approve it.)

When mothers abuse

I wrote previously about mothers who sexually abuse their children. It remains a taboo subject that few want to talk about. However, one student decided to take a chance. Canberra PhD student Lucetta Thomas began researching the topic after someone she knew revealed his experiences to her. Thomas wants to determine the “psychotherapeutic needs of men and boys who have been sexually abused by their biological mother.” However, this has not proven easy. Research on this particular type of abuse remains obscure, especially in Australia:

The Australian Bureau of Statistics’ 2005 Personal Safety Survey estimated about 4,800 Australian males had been sexually abused by their mother or step-mother before the age of 15.

But the figures were qualified as “too unreliable for general use”, as an estimate with a relative standard error greater than 50 per cent.

Ms Thomas said reliable data on the number of Australian victims was difficult to collect, as the abuse was incredibly difficult to talk about for most victims.

“Prevalence studies on sexual abuse are problematic… It’s very dependent on the questions you ask, where you go to actually recruit your participants, but also how you actually define what you’re actually trying to get some information on,” she said.

People tend to miss that point, however, it proves true. Continue reading

Bulletin Board v269

Breastfeeding mum loses custody of boy after false sex-abuse claims — A mother found to have made false sexual abuse allegations has lost custody of her young son and been hit with a rare order to pay her ex-partner’s full legal costs. In a blistering judgment, Federal Circuit Court judge Josephine Willis said the north Queensland mother “showed ­little emotion or warmth” and communication with her was “quite impossible”.

Children in boot camp abuse investigation suffer lasting damage, lawyer says — The brochure struck a note with some parents: Are you overwhelmed with frustration or fear over your teen’s defiant behavior? Have you run out of ideas or strategies to get your teen on the right track? Have you tried it all and nothing seems to work? The solution, it declared, could be a police-sponsored boot camp for southeast Los Angeles County youth held at a military base in the mountains of San Luis Obispo.

Group supporting male abuse victims launched — MALE victims of domestic abuse have been given a voice, thanks to a new charitable organisation run by an abuse survivor. Swindon’s Voice For Men, run by counsellor Simon Taylor, aims to give abused males a chance to seek help in a non-threatening group environment. Simon, along with partner Su Mills and colleague Michael Bizley launched Swindon VFM this week, complete with website and dedicated listening line in place to help those in need.

Joint Letter Calls for Male Rape Change to Law — Nine Chinese public interest organizations submitted a joint letter on August 5, asking for the inclusion of male rape to the draft ninth amendment of the Criminal Law. The letter, jointly signed by a total of 1,149 people and nine officially approved public interest organizations, was submitted to the Standing Committee of the National People’s Congress, the country’s top legislative body, through the online opinion-soliciting channel, according to ycwb.com, a Guangzhou based news portal on August 7. The letter proposed that the definition of victims of rape should be broadened to include all possible victims.

Male child sex trade goes on unchecked — The male child prostitution is going on in several hotels and inns around Pirwadhai Bus Terminal, well-placed sources disclosed to The Nation on Saturday. In this regard, the Special Branch (SB) of Punjab Police has prepared a number of reports and sent to Inspector General of Police (IGP) Mushtaq Ahmed Sukhera for further legal action against the owners of the hotels and inns involved in the child prostitution business, sources said.

Prosecutor: Federal Way woman made child porn ‘to troll for men online’ — A Federal Way woman accused of sexually displaying two children to impress a men online has been charged by King County prosecutors. Judith Christine Everett is alleged to have taken sexually explicit photos of a 13-year-old girl and a 9-year-old boy. Everett, 39, has been charged with sexual exploitation of a minor. Writing the court, Senior Deputy Prosecutor Cecelia Gregson said Everett abused the children “to troll for men online.”

Scotch College: More sex abuse claims surface against Michael Achurch — Matthew Stuart still feels the pain of being denied justice for more than three decades. Even after Melbourne’s Scotch College apologised and paid out compensation for the sexual abuse he suffered as a teenager, the elite school community was still denying it happened and questioning his motivations, he said. But the 51-year-old’s bravery in speaking out about Michael Achurch, as revealed in The Age earlier this year, has prompted at least four others to report being sexually abused by the same teacher.

Sex abuse victim fears others could have been targeted by former teacher and hopes they come forward — A SEXUAL abuse victim has spoken of his relief that the former volunteer teacher who abused him is behind bars. But the man who suffered at the hands of John Weston is concerned there could be more victims and is urging them to come forward. He told the Bristol Post: “I am one of this man’s victims, hence my need to remain anonymous.

Suicide Rates Among Released Male Prisoners 8 Times Higher Than National Average; Mental Health, Support Services Can Help — Preventing suicides while offenders are in prison has been a much bigger priority than preventing them once prisoners get out. But a new study looking into prisoner suicides once they’re released has found that the risk of suicide for male offenders is eight times the national average, with over 25 percent of those suicides occurring in the first four weeks of their release.

Stop the Abuse: Survivors Manchester

Often times people want to help others but do not know how. This cannot be any truer than when it comes to helping abused men and boys. The resources sometimes are not apparent and are often difficult to find. Sometimes the resources are hidden or even barred by other groups who wish to polarize the issue. The intent here is to provide those who wish to help male victims with the opportunity to do so.

Please remember that you do no have to empty your wallets to help. Even a small donation can go a long way. And for those on the other side of the issue, it would go a long way to demonstrating real concern for all victims if you donated as well.

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Survivors Manchester

A very warm and safe welcome to Survivors Manchester.
Whatever you may be thinking and although you may feel it, we can guarantee 100% that you are not alone… just being here proves that. We also understand how much courage it may take to access our website, whether that’s for the first time or as a return visitor. With this in mind we want to try and make this space as safe, useful and supportive as possible.

We hope you realise this, we want to acknowledge it anyway, but you’ve made a big step towards healing and breaking free from the legacy of abuse.

You really are an inspiration and if your sat there reading this then that is evidence enough… it says a lot about how you’re thinking about, and are, breaking the silence.

The site has been designed to provide you with various kinds of information, help and support, from downloadable self help guides to ways of contacting us and connecting with other men.

So take your time to have a look around. Read what you can but do it in your own time, remember you’re in control now – there’s no rush.

Please donate and help make a difference.

Chrissie Hynde makes me agree with feminists

Even a broken clock is right twice a day. So here comes one of the few instances I am inclined to agree with feminists. The Pretenders singer Chrissie Hynde released her autobiography recently. She recounts in the book an instance of sexual assault:

In her recently completed autobiography, Reckless, Hynde recounts how she was forced to perform sexual acts on members of an Ohio motorcycle gang who had promised to take her to a party, but instead took her to an abandoned house.

“Technically speaking, however you want to look at it, this was all my doing and I take full responsibility,” said the singer, who recalled being high on drugs at the time.

“If I’m walking around and I’m very modestly dressed and I’m keeping to myself and someone attacks me, then I’d say that’s his fault. But if I’m being very lairy and putting it about and being provocative, then you are enticing someone who’s already unhinged – don’t do that. Come on! That’s just common sense.”

“I don’t think I am saying anything controversial, am I?” she concluded.

One can anticipate the feminist response, but for the sake of openness, here it is: Continue reading

When Women Rape Men

TJ Kirk, the Amazing Atheist, explains in explicit detail precisely what is wrong with the fantasy narrative that women raping men is “awesome”:

In Plain Sight: The Rape of Afghan’s Boys

Posted on January 29, 2015

Christian Stephen wrote an in-depth article on Ryot about the systemic rape of Afghanistan’s boys.

I first wrote about the dancing boys (“bacha bazi”) in 2007. Over the last eight years I continued to write about the situation as news about them appeared, yet to my knowledge no one has taken any action to address this problem. The most I saw anyone do was Care2 starting a petition to get then Secretary of State Hilary Clinton to do something. Nothing occurred.

The Canadian government knew about the problem back in 2007, yet initially ignored reports. Even when they acknowledged what happened, the government did nothing to address it beyond trying to silence the soldiers who spoke out about the abuse.

In March of 2014, the U.S. State Department acknowledged the centuries-old practice had become a problem, yet that followed the Obama administration issuing a new Army manual telling troops not to judge Afghan social customs, such as the practice of bacha bazi.

Stephen’s article covers much of the same information the other articles presented. Continue reading