A Band of Brothers

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There are many men and boys who experience abuse in their lives. They often do not have a place to talk about those experiences. This post is a space for that.

Any man or boy who wants to share his experiences of sexual abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse, bullying, and harassment may do so here. You may submit your story as a comment. You can use your own name, a pseudonym, or remain anonymous.
You may share whatever you feel comfortable with, be it your whole story or just a moment.

The purpose of this post is show people what men and boys go through. It is to shed light on the truth of those experiences and shatter the stereotypes of about them.

I will moderate all comments and remove any that are not from men or not on topic. This just to make sure the comments are only from men and only about their stories.

(A note to those posting: if you use profanity, the comment will automatically go into moderation. This applies to all comments on this blog, so it is nothing personal. Once I see the comment, I will approve it.)

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Dogged determination delivers justice for victims caught up in 20 year web of sexual abuse — Shame. Guilt. Fear. Anger. This is the impact sexual abuse has on its victims. Some of the young men molested by Taranaki man Nigel Allan Hauauru Nelson feigned sleep, froze or blocked out their feelings, using drugs and alcohol as a means to cope. Others chose to lock it away and not talk to police at all. But thanks to the efforts of New Plymouth Detective Pat Tongi and his team, Nelson will be held accountable for the harm he caused to 14 men.

Ex-police officer abused two boys at offenders’ centre, court told — A retired police superintendent sexually abused two boys in the 1980s when he ran an attendance centre for young offenders, a jury has been told. Gordon Anglesea, 78, a former officer with North Wales police, abused the boys when they were 14 or 15, the court heard. The first alleged victim claims that he was assaulted by Anglesea in the showers and a changing room of the centre in Wrexham, north Wales.

Families apologize after more sex abuse details surface against dead Minnesota teacher, spouse — The families of South St. Paul teacher Aric Babbitt and his husband spoke publicly Wednesday for the first time about alleged sexual abuse of teen boys made against the couple before they turned up dead last week in Washington of an apparent murder-suicide.When reached by the Pioneer Press at his South St. Paul home, Babbitt’s father read a statement he said was prepared on behalf of his family and Matthew Deyo’s family. Continue reading

Mothers and Sons with Tom Golden

The Honey Badger interviewed author Tom Golden again. This interview concerned his book Helping Mothers be Closer to Their Sons: Understanding the unique world of boys. From the Amazon blurb:

Do you sometimes wonder why your son is the way he is? Do you struggle in understanding him? Listen to the words of youtube sensation Karen Straughan:

“For any mother of boys who has ever been perplexed, flummoxed,bewildered, dumbfounded, flabbergasted, confused or stymied by the things they say and do, this book is a must read.”

Learn the secrets that make boy’s emotions invisible. Learn the reasons he seems so different from your daughters. The author has spent over 30years working with boys and learning their nature. This book will open you to their world and in so doing bring a deeper closeness.
Concise, written in a friendly manner, this book will help you shape a new way of being with your son.

Bonus sections on adolescents, teaching boys about emotions, discipline and more, this book will give you plenty of tips about getting close to your son while honoring your distinctly different ways.

Listen to Jennifer Fink, writer,founder of buildingboys.net and mother of four boys says:

“I wish I’d had this book when I started raising boys! And even though I’ve been raising and reading and writing about boys for 18+ years, I learned things.”

I have not read the book yet, although I intend to. I find Golden’s insights as mentioned in the interview helpful. He and the Badgers discuss the way boys think and behave and the ways mothers and women in general can learn to notice these things to better understand why boys are the way they are. Continue reading

The Boy with the Henna Tattoo

I wrote about a case a few years ago involving a gay couple who groomed their son for sexual abuse. Peter Truong and Mark Newton bought their son “Adam” for $8,000 from a Russian woman. When Adam was almost 2-years-old, they began sexually abusing him. They continued this for years, grooming him for sex with other men. They eventually allowed other men from their “boylover” network to have sex with their son. They would travel the world to meet these men, “sharing” Adam with them, sometimes in exchange for sex with boys in those men’s care, but often simply to allow the men the chance to have sex with Adam.

The pair recorded Adam constantly. Most of their family videos were of everyday activities. However, they also recorded their sexual abuse of their son, along with the other men’s abuse of the boy. They shared these videos and pictures among their network of pedophiles, and became rather popular.

How authorities caught them is rather elaborate. Police in two different countries stumbled onto pictures of Adam, and later an extensive pedophile network. The case hinged on identifying the boy in the pictures. The only thing the police had to work with was a mole on the boy’s stomach and a henna tattoo. These two pieces of evidence helped bring down one of the largest pedophile networks authorities have seen.

The Australian show Four Corners covered the story shortly after Truong was sentenced to 30 years in prison: Continue reading

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Elementary School Teacher Killed in Apparent Murder-Suicide May Have Abused Multiple Kids: Reports — A Minnesota elementary school teacher and his husband, who were found dead last week in an apparent murder-suicide in Washington state, may have sexually abused multiple underage boys, according to reports. Aric Babbitt, 40, and Matthew Deyo, 36, were reportedly found dead on Lopez Island on Aug. 25, just two weeks after one of Babbitt’s former students went to police and accused him of sexual assault.

Exposed: UP’s hell prison where inmates suffer vicious torture and corruption — The crime team of India Today has unearthed a prison that has turned into a vicious hub of third-degree torture, abuse and corruption. Here, an inmate is pinned down on the ground, with his feet up and locked in bamboo sticks by fellow prisoners. Unbearable screams pierce through the large hall as a deputy jailer unleashes a flurry of club blows on his bare soles.

Family of malnourished boy found dead in Echo Park closet had been reported to social workers six times — Days apart in 2012, two teachers contacted the Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services about a young boy named Yonatan Daniel Aguilar. One reported that the boy was suffering from general neglect. Another said he had a black eye. County social workers interviewed school employees, including a soccer coach and a special education teacher. Continue reading

Dear feminists: men are sick of you “reassuring” us you don’t hate men, too

Here is a note: if your movement has existed in its current form for over 60 years, and since its inception people assumed you hated a group, and people still assume your movement hates that group, perhaps it is time to admit your movement hates that group.

Feminists frequently complain about people, particularly men, assuming feminism is about hating men. Wherever would people get this idea? It is not as if feminists write articles about how all men are potential rapists until proven otherwise. It is not as if feminists use hashtags mocking male feelings or threatening to kill men. It is not as if they target socially awkward males and accuse them of feeling entitled to sex with women. It is not as if feminists claim that all men belong to a global hegemony intent on oppressing women for some unspecified reason.

That never happens.

No, according to Holly Mallett people assume feminism is about hating men because they just hate feminists. So she felt the need to share that “I’m Sick of Having to Reassure Men That Feminism Isn’t About Hating Them”.

If people think negatively about feminism and feminists, one ought to look at their arguments first. They may have a point. Or one can complain about how hard it is having to prove you are not a bigot… as you present incredibly bigoted arguments. For example, Mallett wants men to think feminists do not hate them. To prove this, she opens her article with a disclaimer: Continue reading

Hypocrisy, thy name is Candy

How many memes does it take to get to the center of hypocrisy?

Apparently it only takes one.  Donald Trump Jr. revealed just how hypocritical the left can be. Trump Jr. tweeted: “If I had a bowl of skittles and I told you just three would kill you. Would you take a handful? That’s our Syrian refugee problem.”

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The internet lost its collective mind. One look at the news feed reveals how instantaneously people drew together for a dogpile. The general consensus is that the analogy is bigoted, racist, and completely illogical.

That is accurate. Continue reading

Male prison rape survivors speak out

Originally posted on May 20, 2015

Prison rape remains a major issue in the United States. Despite the Prison Rape Elimination Act passing several years ago, states do little to reform their prison systems. Texas Governor Rick Perry has even refused to implement the changes suggested by the act.

Yet that inaction pales in comparison to how other countries view prison rape. Many countries do not acknowledge it occurs. Those that do often do nothing to curb the assaults. This is particularly true in countries where social norms prevent victims from coming forward. Such is the case in South Africa. Fortunately, there is a new effort to raise awareness:

South African prisons are notorious the world over for their endemic sexual abuse. Despite this, prisoner rape is not well understood by the South African public and government, and does not receive the serious attention it urgently needs. This is according to a report compiled by Emily Nagisa Keehn, policy development and advocacy manager at Sonke Gender Justice and Sasha Gear, programme director at Just Detention International, South Africa.

Sonke, Just Detention International – South Africa, and NICRO have partnered to increase public awareness of sexual abuse in prison. Three men came forward to share their stories about surviving rape in prison. Vincent*, Francois and Thabo* are the first South African survivors of prisoner rape to tell their stories in this way.

The three men’s stories can be viewed below. Continue reading