A Band of Brothers

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There are many men and boys who experience abuse in their lives. They often do not have a place to talk about those experiences. This post is a space for that.

Any man or boy who wants to share his experiences of sexual abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse, bullying, and harassment may do so here. You may submit your story as a comment. You can use your own name, a pseudonym, or remain anonymous.
You may share whatever you feel comfortable with, be it your whole story or just a moment.

The purpose of this post is show people what men and boys go through. It is to shed light on the truth of those experiences and shatter the stereotypes of about them.

I will moderate all comments and remove any that are not from men or not on topic. This just to make sure the comments are only from men and only about their stories.

(A note to those posting: if you use profanity, the comment will automatically go into moderation. This applies to all comments on this blog, so it is nothing personal. Once I see the comment, I will approve it.)

Stop The Abuse: The Innocence Project

Often times people want to help others but do not know how. This cannot be any truer than when it comes to helping abused men and boys. The resources sometimes are not apparent and are often difficult to find. Sometimes the resources are hidden or even barred by other groups who wish to polarize the issue. The intent here is to provide those who wish to help male victims with the opportunity to do so.

Please remember that you do no have to empty your wallets to help. Even a small donation can go a long way. And for those on the other side of the issue, it would go a long way to demonstrating real concern for all victims if you donated as well.

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The Innocence Project

Mission Statement

The Innocence Project was founded in 1992 by Barry C. Scheck and Peter J. Neufeld at the Benjamin N. Cardozo School of Law at Yeshiva University to assist prisoners who could be proven innocent through DNA testing. To date, 266 people in the United States have been exonerated by DNA testing, including 17 who served time on death row. These people served an average of 13 years in prison before exoneration and release.

The Innocence Project’s full-time staff attorneys and Cardozo clinic students provide direct representation or critical assistance in most of these cases. The Innocence Project’s groundbreaking use of DNA technology to free innocent people has provided irrefutable proof that wrongful convictions are not isolated or rare events but instead arise from systemic defects. Now an independent nonprofit organization closely affiliated with Cardozo School of Law at Yeshiva University, the Innocence Project’s mission is nothing less than to free the staggering numbers of innocent people who remain incarcerated and to bring substantive reform to the system responsible for their unjust imprisonment.

Please donate and help make a difference.

Bulletin Board v253

Big increase in male sexual abuse victims contacting Warwickshire charity — A charity working with male victims of sexual assault from Coventry and Warwickshire say they have been ‘‘inundated” with new clients following a series of high profile abuse scandals. Staff at RoSA (Rape or Sexual Abuse Support Services) have provided counselling support for nearly 200 men in the last financial year – many of whom were subjected to abuse when they were younger.

Boy cross-examined by ‘sex abuser’ dad in molestation case — A Brooklyn dad accused of molesting his son acted as his own lawyer in court Wednesday — forcing the now-14-year-old to be cross-examined by him. As if taking the stand and recounting the details of his alleged abuse weren’t painful enough, the courageous youngster had to suffer the indignity of answering outrageous questions from the man he says sexually molested and beat him starting at age 8.

Chicago-Area Imam Charged With Sex Abuse at Islamic School — The longtime head of a suburban Chicago Islamic school has been charged with sexually assaulting a woman who worked there, and a civil suit filed Tuesday accuses him of abusing that employee and three teenage students. The legal actions shed light on an issue that even many Muslims say is too often pushed into the shadows within their communities. Continue reading

Caught on camera

“If the video depicts certain things happening…that doesn’t mean that my client’s not innocent. […] for example, she could be the victim.”

That was attorney Timothy Smith’s argument in defense of his client who is charged with 40 counts of sexual assault against minors.

Prosecutors accuse Nicole Dufault of assaulting five male students, all of them 15 years of age, multiple times between 2013 and 2014. The acts range from sexual conversations to oral sex. Most damning is the video of Dufault performing oral sex on one of the alleged victims, which prompted her attorney’s above comment. He also stated:

“People are victimized by juveniles all the time,” Smith said.

Yes, some people are victimized by minors. However, it is unlikely that a 35-year-old woman would be repeatedly victimized by five different high school boys in her classes over a year. It is also unlikely that the five boys would engage in the same behavior to the extent that investigators would accuse the woman of grooming the boys. It also does not explain this: Continue reading

Jason Aaron: God of Blunders

Back in September, Marvel decided to strip Thor of his hammer and give it to a currently unnamed female character. This is not the first time the God of Thunder was deemed unworthy of wielding Mjolnir. Beta Ray Bill, Thunderstrike, Throg, and even Wonder Woman have held the hammer for a period of time.

The difference this time is that not only was the hammer taken from Thor, but also his identity and name. Writer Jason Aaron stated in an interview that this new female replace is “not She-Thor or Lady Thor. She’s not Thorika. She is Thor. This is the new Thor.”

The problem is that Thor is not a mantle. It is not a title. It is the character’s given name.

To put this perspective, Spider-man is mantle. While one can argue that the mantle is defined by Peter Parker and that no one can truly replace him, it remains a title Parker applied to himself. In contrast, “Peter Parker” is his given name. No one can simply take his name and become “Peter Parker.”

However, this does not work with Thor since “Thor” is his given name. He is Thor Odinson, and simply swapping him out with a female character will not change that. Continue reading

Feminist: Male rape victims have more privileges than women

Originally posted on November 28, 2014

I take a simple position on discussions about sexual violence: leave out the politics. Politics make an already complex issue more complicated. They lead to bias, bigotry, and favoring the protection of political stances over addressing the problem. This is particularly true when feminists are involved in the discussion.

It appears many feminists are incapable of discussing sexual violence without resorting to “who has it worse” arguments. Advocates for male victims and men’s rights activists frequently challenge feminists on those arguments. Feminists usually respond by dismissing the challenges as “misogyny” or an attempt to silence women.

Yet there is good reason for people to persist in those challenges, and that is because when such arguments are left unquestioned, they lead to rather ugly statements. For example, Kaelyn Polick-Kirkpatrick wrote in The State Press:

[…] men’s rights activists and skeptics alike raise questions about feminism’s tactics. For instance, why not include everyone in conversations about rape given it’s such a prodigious problem? Well, conversations that include men do need to happen — everyone has a role to play in mitigating rape culture; but these conversations do not necessarily need to happen within the feminist community.

Feminism provides a safe-space for women to cope with and fight back against the oppressive society in which they live. It exists because oppressed people often need support from others who can empathize with their struggles — men have privileges that prevent them from being able to empathize with the struggles of women, even when they are survivors of sexual crimes. For instance, it is unlikely that a man will be asked what he was wearing during an assault, and it is unlikely that a man will be told that he deserved it due to his promiscuous behavior.

Continue reading

Few male military sexual assault victims come forward

Posted on December 10, 2014

Male victims of sexual violence remain a largely hidden in society. While the media gives more attention to the issue of male victimization than before, many men and boys continue to remain silent. This is particularly true of men in the military.

Despite representing the majority of rape victims, assaulted men are significantly less likely to seek help or report their assaults:

According to an anonymous survey released last week by the Pentagon, nearly 1 percent of males in the U.S. military said they had experienced unwanted sexual contact, compared to 4.3 percent of women. That equates to about 10,500 men and 8,500 women. Yet only 14 percent of assaults reported last year involved male victims.

Afraid to be seen as victims or as weak or gay, men in the hyper-masculine military culture often don’t feel comfortable reaching out for help or reporting sexual assaults. Over the past year, though, the services have increased efforts to reach out to male victims, urging them to come forward so they can receive treatment and so officials can go after perpetrators.

Continue reading

This Is What It Looks Like v9

The Honey Badgers released a video interview with Tarol Hunt, the creator of the webcomic Goblins.

Hunt recounts his experiences with feminists on Tumblr responding to his webcomic. I think it is important for people to share their stories because it is often difficult for people to believe feminists behave so terribly. As Hunt states, many people initially think of feminists as the “good guys.” Yet feminists quite often prove themselves to be otherwise.

I found Hunt’s experiences particularly infuriating because feminists not only went after him, but the also attacked his wife and his mother. The situation with his mother was the worst as feminists set about claiming that Hunt lied about his mother’s brutal assault at the hands of four men. Continue reading