Being a Boy: 101

Yesterday my cousin came home from school with a look on his face I had not seen in a while. At first I thought he had gotten into another fight. The other kids make fun of him because of his voice.

But that is not why he is pissed.

He paces as he tells me how his class had a guest speaker: a rape counselor. I already know what is coming. I can see it in my cousin’s eyes that half his class had to sit there and take the blame.

Yet that is not why he is pissed either.

My cousin rarely cries. I figure he picked that up from one of us. But now he is practically in tears. Why? Because the class assignment was for them to write about their experiences with the causes of rape. The girls had to write about times they felt “pressured” by boys. And the boys… well, they had to write about times they tried to “force” themselves on girls. Not pressure them, force them.

I have known my cousin his whole life. I have never once seen him attempt to force anyone to do anything. Until the fights started, he was one of the most passive people I have known. So to demand that he write about how he has tried to “force” himself on girls is just a flat out insult.

But even that is not why he is pissed.

I notice how he stops making eye contact with me. All the blood that had rushed to his face flows away. His expression becomes completely dead. And that only happens when he talks about “it.” I have always told him that if he ever wants to talk about it he could come to me anytime. He rarely does.

This time, he cannot help it.

He says that he wrote about my aunt, and then he looks up at me with a dead face and says the woman called him a liar. As he explains, after they had finished their assignments the class had to volunteer to share their stories. After a handful of boys said they had not done anything, the guest speaker changed the criteria. If a boy had put his arm around a girl, got close enough to kiss her, or shouted something childish like, “You lookin’ hot!”, that could be an example of the “forcing” themselves on girls.

My cousin’s teacher calls on him (apparently the volunteering part was over), knowing about his history, and so he stands and says that he has never tried to force a girl to do anything, but he has been forced before. He talks about the abuse my aunt put him through and the way some girls treat him.

The guest speaker was livid. Not just because he dared to accuse a woman of abusing him, or because he dared to say girls had been pressuring him, but because some other boys got up the courage to say the same thing. They listed instances where girls had pressured them. The response was to berate and beat down a boy, to call him a liar, and do it in front of his teacher who did nothing about it.

It is difficult not to just launch into this “counselor.” The sadpart is that this woman’s actions are typical. Her views are the views of rape centers. Instead of teaching kids to respect each other and not cross anyone’s boundaries, this woman played the blame game with children.

Is this really where feminism is leading us? To accusing children of rape for cat calls and a few arms around the shoulder? To lambasting boys for having the courage to say “I’ve never done it, but it’s been done to me.”

It is this is the sort of feminist trite that keeps boys silent. I wonder how many of the boys in that class have been abused. I wonder how many of them have been raped. I wonder how many of them go home to a house full of violence and say to themselves, “I won’t be like this when I grow up” only to have someone like this woman say, “You have a penis. Yes you will.”

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34 thoughts on “Being a Boy: 101

  1. OMG, a brilliant entry. if you’re not opposed to it, i’m adding the 1st couple of paragraphs of this to my forum for others to read (and linking, of course, so they can read the full version – bring you some traffic)..

  2. The fact that it is typical of feminists is the true horror. I worked in the public schools for years. When boys got hit at home, the women didn’t care whether the boy lived or died. They worried about future women who might be abused by the child who was suffering right now.

    Excellent blog – keep up the good work.

  3. What is the real agenda of these so called councillors? Well to ascertain that you first need to look at these people and their lifestyles. Many aren’t so much pro-women as they are anti-men. Not just anti-some men…anti-all men. Why? Because these women are militan lesbians who hide their real agenda behind the role of councillor. Their real agenda is as recruitment sergeants for lesbianism. They achieve this by trying to put girls and young women off having hetero-sexual relationships by carrying out antics like the ones Karl outlined. This kind of harassment of boys is nothing more than child-abuse. These women are vile in the extreme. Society must drive these people out of our children’s lives.

  4. The distress this child suffered is self evident and entirely predictable ex ante. Knowingly to inflict such psychological torment on those who by the very definition of being children have not fully developed the tools of independent judgement capable of distinguishing deception and propaganda from fact, or the coping mechanisms for mitigating the damage thus caused… There’s a name for what these women are doing. Plain and simple. This, ladies and gentlemen, this is child abuse.

  5. Powerful story. It’s great that you’re there for you cousin.

    Now, what are you going to do about it? Instead of taking out your anger on a video game, why not direct it at the school and the rape councilor? Perhaps a slaunder lawsuit is in order. Someone needs to jerk her up short, and that someone should be you.

  6. Oh my god this makes me insane with rage! Tired of it ! I read about this all of the time. I ‘m with brother i support the AFA Anti Feminist Army DAMMIT!

  7. From a previous poster “Now, what are you going to do about it? Instead of taking out your anger on a video game, why not direct it at the school and the rape councilor? Perhaps a slaunder lawsuit is in order.”

    I don’t agree with bringing a lawsuit, but I absolutely agree that once you have calmed down, you need to speak to the teacher, the principal, and potentially the school board. This will never stop unless someone starts saying something.

    Jeff

  8. What the counselor, teacher and school need is exposure. This horrorshow needs the disinfectant of sunlight.

    Children should not be forced to discuss their sexual experiences in front of their peers in a public school. That’s bad enough…

    But to call an abused child a liar for sharing the private experiences as demanded for not “confessing” to Ms. Rape-Stalin is beyond and outrage.

    That counselor’s head should roll, and the teacher should face discipline and at minimum have a reprimand put in her file.

    The parents of the other children have a right to know what went down, as well.

  9. Is there any legal remedy for this kind of madness? Can such a “counselor” be sued for defamation or something similar for this sort of action? I’m not normally in favor of suing one’s way out of a problem, but I think if the people peddling this tripe knew they could be held legally accountable, it would end (or at least be minimized) in a hurry.

  10. What preceeded Colubine High!!.These feminazis are making more & more enemies, it must reach saturation point at sometime, the backlash is getting closer.

  11. On the legal questions–I’m just a 1L who’s taken a Torts class, but this seems like a pretty good case for intentional infliction of emotional distress. The usual problem with such claims is that the behavior isn’t outrageous enough. Somehow, I don’t think that would be a problem here.

  12. I can barely believe such inhumanity is possible. You refrained from mentioning names or schools on your blog, otherwise I’d be sending my thoughts directly at teh school system responsible for this terrible incident. As it is, I hope you’re raising a stink about this. Otherwise, I’m glad to see this blog, it’s an issue I’ve become increasingly concerned about, it’s nice to see someone addressing it specifically.

  13. My sympathies. Your cousin might want to think about whether he wants to make a formal complaint about sexual harassment by the counselor through whatever complaint mechanism the school system has. If the counselor is licensed by a state agency you might want to contact them.

  14. Sue them. This cannot go on. Sue them for everything they have. Make it public… the child name would be protected. This kind of thing can’t go on.

    It not our fault that it is within man’s nature that when in pain we try to hide it… women tend to cry it out and get sympathy. Men & young boys rarely cry in front of others and when they do it means they are really close to breaking.

    A lawsuit is the best way. Such organisms will only change if they feel it will harm them. A complaint by a man will only get you mouth and no action. It will all be lies.

    Sue them for mental anguish, and for sexual discrimination. He was discriminated because of his sex. He told the truth and was called a liar, because of his gender. His teacher was silent when she knew he was telling the truth. Sue them and make the public know what is being taught using tax payers money. It will be publicised in the local newspaper. Sue them, not for money sake, but to let them know they can’t get away with it.

    This really angers me. He’s just a child for Gods sake. She is a Nazi, evil women.

    This will also scar the boy if he thinks people can get away with this. He needs to know that the law can protect him… maybe you should discuss the option of taking the matter further with him and let him know that you will be there by his side all the way. It is within most mens nature to hold things in, but sometimes you need to let it out and this is something that maybe needs to be tackled. You have the unwanted opportunity.

    I’ve just realised the date, but maybe you can still bring a lawsuit.

    Baniadam

  15. Somebody once wrote that the primary purpose of PC indoctrination was to bully and humiliate people. Radical feminists are, in general, avid bullies.

  16. The feminist-indoctrinated councilor is most likely a bigot, and she is definitely trying to force her OWN anti-male agenda onto the innocent youth.

    An employee of the state is required to abide by the standards that are set by the authorities, therefore the woman in question is most definitely in violation of employee protocol.

    The duty of a parent is to protect their children from the dangerous organisms that are found in the biosphere.

    By sitting by and NOT reporting this woman to the authorities, the parents of the child are inadvertently allowing her to gain impunity for the harassment and trauma that she inflicted upon your cousin.

    Women like her will NEVER stop harassing the youth until they are held accountable for their actions, and the only way that can happen is for men to stand up for their rights.

    Chris Key is a Men’s Rights Activist, his site can be found at – http://www.mens-rights.net.

  17. Apart from anything else, this story is the most potent counter-example to the feminist defense that goes, “Dworkin and MacKinnon are just extreme fringe; mainstream feminism is not about hating men”. I mean, how exactly is “mainstream” defined? What is the primary criterion of mainstreamness if not the system’s acceptance? As your cousin has learned, Dworkinites and MacKinnonites are indeed accepted by the system, to the point of entrusting them with pedagogical tasks. They are therefore mainstream, and it is mainstream feminism that hates men.

  18. It is an abomination to demand that boys assume the posture of rapists! Parents should protest and report this activity to the news media. Sounds like this instructor has an axe to grind and is doing so at the expense of impressionable young men. “IT” should be stopped! Why should a sensitive young man like your cousin be placed in such a horrific position? Is there any point to this assignment? Or is it just another attempt to degrade the image and integrity of our gender?!

  19. True feminism wants equality. Today’s feminism wants revenge.

    And that counselor is creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. By forcing young men yo take the postures of rapists, she’s creating in them a comfort level with the action.

  20. I’m terribly sorry that happened to your cousin. That’s terrible, and legal action seems perfectly reasonable.

    That said, what’s done in the name of feminism is not necessarily feminism. The religious right says a lot of things many Christians diasgree with. Similarly, I consider myself a feminist through and through, and this demonizing of feminism- in your post and in some people’s responses- is way out of line.

    I minored in gender studies. I’m in grad school for psychology. I’ve worked as a rape counselor, and I agree with you entirely about this being a horrific incident. I think it was a terrible thing to do, and of course men can be victims as well. However, one wrong does not excuse another, even if it’s a much, much smaller one. This discussion is an example of how the term feminist can be misused. Awful *people* did this, not feminists.

  21. But feminists *are* people, too. I don’t think it’s a matter of demonizing feminism so much as it’s that feminism, being an ideology, can be and has been warped into something completely different than what was initially intended. I don’t think it’s possible, or reasonable, to separate a person’s actions from the things they believe. I also don’t think it’s fair to attempt to distance feminism from the actions the counselor took. Certainly some feminists, such as yourself, would disagree with it. But many more would not find anything wrong with it because of their politicial, i.e. feminist, views.

    And unfortunately, the views held by that counselor are the same views I witnessed while I was in foster care, when I began working with survivor’s groups , and while I was in college. It sadly is the mainstream feminist view, and it happens to be rather hostile towards males.

    So I wouldn’t say that people are demonizing feminism so much as they are pointing out just how horrible the situation has gotten. I do agree that they are less hostile ways of conveying that message. However, harsh criticism tends to be listened to rather than civil debate.

  22. But that’s just it: it’s not the traditional feminist perspective. It may be in your experience, and I’m deeply sorry that that’s the one you’re familiar with, but I’ve studied this issue, its history and philosophy and implementation, and the variety of viewpoints is staggering. This perspective represents only a small fraction of feminists, even if it’s the predominant persepctive you’ve (sadly) had a great deal of contact with. I’ve read way more feminist philosophy than I care to think about. Some of it I agree with, some of it’s tolerable, some is poorly thought out but harmless, and only a bit which is so far out (MacKinnon, Dworkin) that I find it repulsive. But that’s only one small fraction which thinks this way. Nevertheless, people hear a few vocal extremists and think that it’s what feminism has morphed into, rather than realizing it’s one small part of what feminism is.

    I’ll repeat that just because the counselor did it in the name of feminism doesn’t mean it follows the principles of feminism. A few days Pat Robertson claimed that Ariel Sharon’s in the condition he is because he angered god, yet this accusation is in many ways against the principles of Christianity. Is it really a Christian sentiment? Well, it’s debatable, but if nothing else just because it was said it was by a Christian doesn’t make it so. Similarly, just because one extreme feminist says this is feminism doesn’t necessarily make it so.

    Besides, feminism- a concept very hard to define, but one many would agree refers to letting women find their voice- is a phenomenon most people would support. Why blemish its good name? Sure, feminists are humans, but the act isn’t any more despicable as an act of feminism than if she did it in the name of any other belief. She could claim to do it because she’s Ghandi’s human incarnation, but we wouldn’t blame Ghandi for the abuse, would we? Why should we call it feminism, then, since that’s not what the vast majority of feminists believe?

    I agree that harsh criticism tends to be listened to more than civil debate, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t take it upon ourselves to try to take the high road, yes?

  23. Of course there are a variety of points of views. It’s impossible for all people to agree on one thing or to do so in the exact same way even if they have a common goal. Since people approach ideologies in different manners and for different reasons, many variations are bound to occur.

    However, minimizing the size, effect, and political reach of these sorts of views does not negate that they are present and indeed pervasive within our schools, social services, and political arenas. These views, regardless of the extremism, are the mainstream views. Many, many feminists agree with the basic principles of these views, but perhaps not certain actions. But it is not merely the actions that are the problem.

    For instance, most Christians are not violent, and would not harm anyone who is gay. However, many Christians do not support homosexuality because of their faith. It is an element of their religious teachings, not just their interpretation of them. Similarly, despite the violence of the Crusades, the crusaders were very much Christian. Not only did they believed they were doing God’s work, it was sanctioned by the Pope. Granted, that is a rather extreme comparison, I think you understand my point. While I have no desire to sanction anyone’s thoughts, I do think it is unwise not to question such views, especially when they are held by a significant number, possibly the majority, of a particular group, movement, or ideology.

    The blemishes feminism may or may not have are more likely the result of feminist actions, not unmitigated anger at feminists or feminism. The majority of the opposition feminism faces comes from things that have been done under the guise of equality for women, and a large amount of it comes specifically from women. Perhaps the biggest problem facing feminists is that although this view is supposed to represent a small fragment, it is the most prevalent view in rape crisis centers, dv shelters, courts, schools, and even among certain political groups. It shapes statistics ranging from school performance to domestic violence to job wages, often in a rather biased, misleading way. Again, any blemishes feminism has are more likely the results of feminists themselves.

    I agree that people should try to take the high road. However, harsh criticism is a matter of debate as well. Criticising someone’s ideology is fine so long as it does not become personal. Despite my bad experiences, I tend not to take it personally.

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  29. There used to be a joke, (or unanswerable conondrum) that begins (and ends) with the interviewer asking, “when did stop beating your wife?”

    It implies guilt, and any protestation is regarded as proof of guilt.

    I have always answered “I have no intention of stopping”.

    Rusty

  30. Let me get this straight, a “counsellor” had a young child telling her their experiences…
    and she told them to shut up?
    This is the sort of hateful nonsense that created the MRM in the first place.

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