As I mentioned in the previous post, I caught Oprah’s show about female child rapists. At best the show at least brought some attention to the issue. The rape of boys by women is a serious problem that is largely ignored by our society, and the numerous boys and men who have been abused deserve the chance to share their stories and finally be heard.
But you would have never gotten that notion from watching Oprah’s show.
The second segment featured the story of convicted child rapist Dawn Reiser. Much like Duran, Reiser had a student with a crush on her. She toyed around with him, letting their “relationship” blossom until finally asking to be his first. Of course, that is not how Reiser put it. “He asked me to be his first,” Reiser says. “I was very honest. I said, ‘I’m flattered. I would love to. You’re not ready.’” Which is why she did not waste anytime molesting her 13-year-old student several times in her own home. Reiser was caught when she decided to write love letters to her 13-year-old victim while he was at camp. She even went so far as to attempt to disguise her handwriting as that of a junior high girl, but the camp counselors were not fooled and called the police. The child rapist is serving eight years for two counts of aggravated sexual assault of a minor.
I honestly do not know what was more disgusting: the fact that this woman attempted to portray herself as the victim or the fact that Oprah allowed the child rapist to use her show as a personal soapbox. Reiser says, with a smile, that her 13-year-old victim was not “really” a boy. He could look her in the eyes and was kind of muscular and built. He had a phenomenal vocabulary and he pursued her. He did have a crush on her, so obviously he was the offender. Watching the show, you could actually count the dramatic beats it took before the music shifted into a slow, melancholy lull as Reiser recounted her own abuse.
Come on, you knew that was going to happen. It’s Oprah. Not having a woman talk about abuse is like not having Bill O’Reilly talk about the war on Christmas.
In a moment of pure irony, the rapist recounts her own experiences with a teacher who “assaulted” her when she was 14 years old. He “tricked” her into thinking they were in love and “used” her. Two years later, she claims, she was raped by a family friend. For a moment, I had the distinct desire to listen to Justin Timberlake’s “Cry Me a River.” In no more than a handful of sentences, this woman claimed to be a victim of the same crime she was convicted of, the same crime she had just claimed was not really a crime because her 13-year-old victim was really a man trapped in a boy’s body. Funny how when the roles were reversed, she was a just a child, assuming she was raped at all.
One of the major problems with female rapists and pedophiles is that people are willing to give them a place to tell their story. People like Oprah allow these women to present themselves as victims without comment or questions. Just recently another woman Oprah supported pled guilty to raping her 12-year-old cousin and having his child, her now 10-year-old daughter. In order to cover up the rape of her cousin, pedophile Twyana Davis claimed she has been raped. She threw her then newborn daughter into the garbage and ended up writing a book about her fictitious rape, appearing on both 20/20 and Oprah. Because of her lie, numerous newborns are allowed to be discarded in hospitals for up to 72 hours, just in case the mothers change their minds. And yet despite this child rapist admitting to her crimes, she still retains custody of her daughter.
But why should Reiser’s, Davis’s or Duran’s stories even matter? Why should we hear about their sordid tales of lies, lies and more lies over their victims’ stories? At every turn, female rapists are given chance after chance to rape again. No one takes them seriously despite several of the high-profile female child rapists reoffending while out on bail or probation. Everyone treats them as the victim, even while admitting that if these women were men, they would get no sympathy.
While the numerous men’s groups who offer support and services to male victims constantly discuss this very clear double standard, the larger portion of victim right’s groups are dead silent. Instead of reaching out the boys and men who have been victimized, they opt to either ignore them outright or aide their abusers in getting treatment while in prison. And that is perhaps what is most shocking about this situation. As a society we would rather help female pedophiles than 12-year-old male rape victims.
Toy Soldiers 
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I think a backlash is building , and I think it is among women. I rmemebr when the Mary K LeTourneau case hit here in the saettle area. I was teaching at the time, and the female teachers were livid. wer eindiffenrent, because they knew nothing would happen to that pervert, and they were right. But the women were livid. They wanted to burn her at the stake. Time has passed since then, and there have been more of these cases. Mothers are going to rise up.
I am a 51 year old male who was perpetrated on by a female counselor at age 17 and was publicly given a ‘rite of passage’ by a prostitute when I refused her advances.
As sad as this sounds, the real crime here is that there is not one single outlet for me professionally in mental health or even privately in the church, because anytime I disclose my story, I am immediately viewed as mentally ill or singled out as a perpetrator.
Even the publicly funded Rape and Sexual Assault centers are allowed the discriminatory practice of refusing me services because under current federal law, “rape is a forcible act” and only men are capable of committing forcible sex. I suppose in DC they are still trying to cope with the Clinton view of sex.
I agree with the author above and once parents realize their teen aged sons as well as their daughters, are no longer safe in a place like public or private school that have no standards with regard to the freely sexualized women they employ, there will be a call to prosecutors to set a precedence with the perpetrators and student/teacher relations will turn back to STUDENT safety instead of the other way around.
Tom S. in Tn.
Come one people get real. The only problem is that society stigmatizes sex between older women and boys. The problem is parents that fail to see thier children as independant beings, with desires that the parents have no control over. A boy who has sex with his teacher or another older woman only begins to think it is a “bad” thing, when others tell him it is. That is the truth. Christ, our society is getting more and more puritantical and stupid every day. Convincing sexually mature males that they have been abused, when they have sex is the abuse.
Continually enabling victimhood, is abuse. These same people who claim a 13, 14, or 15 year old can’t make a judgment regarding sex, will however attempt to convict a child of murder, and even call for the death penalty or life inprisonment or child criminals. Witness the US militarys attempt to try and convict Omar Kader, who was 15 when he was captured in Afganistan, and who is now on trial in Gitmo.
Granted, each case has to judged on it’s own merits. But then every personal, business, and sexual encounter has to be judged on it’s merits.
What are “freely sexualized” women? I see shades of the taliban in that phrase…..
Well, I am not one of those people who think children should be charged as adults. And I am around enough teenagers to know that at 13 they are not able to understand why an adult would want to have sex with them. That does not mean they will not consent to it, only that they will likely miss that the adult has no real interest in them. The same is true for most people usually until they hit their mid twenties.
What makes these women’s actions so wrong is that they pretend to care for their victims when they actually do not. They manipulate the boys’ feelings, violate their trust and then abandon them when the boys get too old. In other words, they behave exactly like male predators. And the impact of being used in that fashion is not always obvious. It may take years before a man abused by a woman as a teenager realizes that his trust issues and lack of commitment and stress come from having been abused.
So yes, starting at around 12-years-old most children will be interested in sex. When they reach high school they will be even more interested. That does not, however, excuse the people — men or women — who abuse that interest for their own sexual satisfaction.
A 13 year old who is willing, wanting, and able to have sex can’t understand why another person would want to have sex with them? Get serious please. Why is it impossible for a woman in her 20’s, 30’s, or more years to have an “real” interest in a younger male? What the f**k is “real” interest?
Convincing people they are victims when they are not is abuse. That is the real cruelty. People in the “victim” busines are the ones who don’t care about the so called victims, and who really only care about their own interests and adjendas.
The continued stigmatization and devaluation of sex and human sexuality is silly and dangerous. Our society continues to treat sex as dirty and sinful, rather than as a natural and neccessary part of everyones humanity.
We are not talking about a person a handful of years younger. We are talking about an adult woman taking advantage of a child. The act has very little to do with sexuality and a lot more to do with sex. That is why it is dirty and sinful. Those women are not the slightest bit interested in the boys. They only care about themselves and use sex as a means of bolstering their own egos and getting off.
If you think it is acceptable for adults to have sex with people they are older enough to the the parents of, perhaps you should re-evaluate what you consider to be “a natural and necessary part of everyones humanity.”
I am wondering if anyone is doing research in this area??
If so, where?
There must be a profile of of these teachers who are supposed to be moral agents for our youth. What causes them to turn into an abuser of that trust, or that position?
A doctoral learner
There may be some research being done, but most likely along the lines of the mental health of the female abusers, not the effect of their actions. Much of the current information demonstrates that females do the exact same thing as male abusers, right down to befriending troubled kids and presenting themselves as teenagers stuck in adult bodies. However, the response to both is drastically different. Male abusers are thought to either be pretending to think that way or they are simply sociopaths. Female abusers, on the other hand, are thought to be emotionally troubled and victims themselves. So any research being done will run through the filter of female abusers = not that bad/ not evil.
The definition of rape does not depend only on whether or not force is used. It depends only on whether or not consent was given to the act. This again depends on the arbitrary decided “age of consent”.
Consider for example if the age of consent was to be set at 21. This would result in at least half the worlds population being liable to prosecution for rape.
A predatory female performing a sex act with a 13 year old boy is not the same as a predatory male performing a non consensual sex act on a girl of any age. This should be self evident to any sentient human, even to US lawyers.
Except that a predatory male performing a consensual sex act with a 13-year-old girl is considered the same a predatory male performing a non-consensual sex act on a girl of any age. In both instances the man would be charge with felony rape (along with, potentially, statutory rape), and both would face long prison sentences. It is only when a woman is the abuser that the standard suddenly changes. Now society is told to consider the woman’s act, which is exactly the same as the man’s, harmless or at least less harmless, not because the victims say this is so, but solely because our society — from the courts to victim’s advocates to feminists — think that possessing a vagina makes a woman incapable or less capable of causing sexual harm or violence.
As for the legal standard of rape, consent is not exactly a requisite in every jurisdiction as each state has different age levels for consent. Most states also have laws that deem it legally impossible for a children under 14 or 12 to consent to anything due to their age. Likewise, consent is very easily manipulated, so a child may have “consented” because he wanted the affection from the adult or because he was pressured or because the adult gained his trust. The violation is exactly the same for boys as it is for girls. It has the same physical, sexual and mental potential for damage and trauma, so the logic that women can rape 13-year-old boys because the boys “wanted it” simply does not fly. Most girls who are in the same position also “wanted it,” but it is morally and legally wrong for an adult in a position of trust to violate any child, girl or boy, that way. This should be self-evident to any sentiment human, even to UK citizens.
Jaydee101 wrote:
“..A predatory female performing a sex act with a 13 year old boy is not the same as a predatory male performing a non consensual sex act on a girl of any age. This should be self evident to any sentient human..”
I am a sentient human. I guess I must be different to the REST of the world’s population. I had my virginity taken from me at the tender age of 10. The details and situation I shan’t go into on here, but suffice to say that I didn’t intend to lose my virginity at that point in my life – and I CERTAINLY didn’t CHOOSE to lose it to a 47 year old married Japanese woman.
I am not writing here to ask for sympathy, or am I writing a sob story. I was one of the lucky ones perhaps, living in a leafy suburb of London with a local law enforcement and care system that should rightly be praised for the work, and psychological support that I received.
I was immediately given support by Child Support groups, a very highly trained police family liaison officer (who was a lady, and to whom I owe so much), a forensic psychologist and an understanding crown prosecution lawyer (who provided me and my family much needed protection at the time (from the press etc.)
That said, it still took at least 3 years for the nightmares and panic attacks and cold sweats to finally disappear.
I was, and am, in every sense of the word – a victim.
So Jaydee, don’t come on here and spout your ugly crap to me. Keep it to yourself, as you obviously have no clue what some other people have been through in their lives.
You may think it’s self evident that girls can be the only true victims. But to me, it ain’t.
(Sorry to swear on your forum TS. Thank you for providing an outlet for the forgotten voices… The world needs more people like you. Let me know how I can make a donation to your site.)
as long as we keep up the idea that male predators are worse than female ones, we continue to empower men, the thought that a 13 year old boy would be lucky to have his own Mrs Robinson does damage to men and women, boys and girls alike.
not having the tool of penetration does not make it NOT rape!
I’m not sure why some people don’t describe boys exploited to this issue in their early teens as victims. Do they mean to say that girls in their early teens, who don’t mind having sex with males as old as their parents, aren’t victims as well? If so then that would be their opinion, and i won’t judge their own beliefs.
HOWEVER, if you’re going to discriminate against gender, and throw your own prejudice (based on self experienced hatred) here and there, then that’s where I’d say whoaaaa….
This society would never be prosperous unless we all undertake an unbiased, rational way of thinking. Throwing vocabulary one recently learned on TV, read from a novel, or heard from their college professor here and there isn’t close to this objective in the slightest. If one doesn’t know, then he/she should simply say “I don’t know”. Spouting things out of their mouth because they were given the chance to speak about something they know less about is by itself irresponsible.
DO NOT speak out of your own personal experience. Your experience isn’t necessarily “similar” to others’, and definitely NOT unbiased. We are “human” because we are all different in many ways, and different circumstances suggest different judgments by those QUALIFIED to pass judgment when the judgment is actually NEEDED.
Now, this is what I think would apply to most western cultures, (which certainly may NOT apply for others).
ps: I by no means declare myself qualified, therefore i’m passing no judgment. but i will, however, try my best to be unbiased and fair (since i was given the opportunity to speak).
1) Both genders seek equality, therefore both genders are equal, which implies equality in privileges, rights, responsibilities, AND punishment.
2) Western culture believes that older men having non-forceful sex with girls in their early teens a wrong doing and an act of rape. Therefore, older women having the same kind of sex with boys in their early teens is indeed a wrongdoing and an act of rape. Disagreeing with this point implies disagreeing with the first point as well.
Keep in mind that TV stations, newspapers, and magazines (media) exist for the sole purpose of generating profits. The very people who introduce these cases to society via the media do not speak out of their own consent. Their opinions and arguments are predetermined by those who prepare those programs, who again, work for the sole purpose of generating profits, and will employ all means necessary to catch the attention of the viewer. Their least concern is the actual truth for that particular “story”. Once the story is no longer “profitable” then it is disregarded and “forgotten”.
We allow ourselves and our feelings towards those particular “cases” to be used by others. That, I think, is a sad fact. Instead of learning from others’ experiences, we always allow history to repeat itself, and we forget to educate ourselves and loved ones of what we should believe is right or wrong.
Yes, I do believe that male AND female rapists exist. But does that apply to every case of similar sex there is? I DON’T KNOW…
Men always want younger women- always. They have the real problem with this sort of thing and not women. Look at Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes- 16 yr. age difference. Donald Trump and his wife-mega age difference. Leonardo Dicaprio is 35 and dating a person 15 yrs. his junior. And nobody say a thing…as long as it’s a man who’s dating younger women/girls (adult but younger). But people raise hell if a woman dates a man that even 5 years younger than herself. Child molestation is terrible no matter who is doing it, and it’s disgucting. But I’m glad the female perps are given a second chance. There’s a double standard in everything else with men and women so why not this, too?
The reason is simple: it is child rape. Women should not be allowed to rape children just because some men date younger women, or more accurately, some women prefer older men. It is rather shameful and disgusting that you are glad some 30-year-old woman is given a second chance to rape another 11-year-old boy. That is, in essence, what you are implying.
This reminds me of the courtney Bisbee trial in AZ where she molested a 12-year-old boy. Her parents have continually posted videos and letters trying to back their daughter’s stance that the 12-year-old boy was the aggressor and their rapist of a daughter, 35 years old, is the victim. How sick is it that so many people spend more time defending rapists than dedicate their time trying to help children.
Im currently 20 years old
when i was raped, she was four years my senior and i was still young 12 I couldn’t protestany because I was so afraid that she would be offended.
i froze.
due to it i developed several truma’s in sex.
The memory still pains me, but only because of this since I was 17 until now I need date only older women. by 6 to 20 years.
i just cannot be around younger females,and find mutural converstion.
however i would say that if you think that 13 year old boy having molested is not molestetion,then this goes same for girls,otherwise it’s a sexiest thing to say.
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Great article.
I think in general women love to see themselves as “victims”, it seems to be hardwired into their DNA. When’s the last time you heard a woman taking her fair share of the blame when talking about a relationship that went sour? It’s always HIS fault. It’s their way of denying their somewhat darker side which is part and parcel of the female nature. Oprah just feeds this; as does Dr Phil and others.. All under the banner of “self-help”. Hollywood plays its part too, where the message in almost every relationship-based film is ‘She is right because she is a woman’ while he falls short and needs to change his ways. At the vanguard of this trend is the so-called “feminist” argument; namely, that we live in a male dominated world and women are treated as second rate citizens. There have been some interesting studies that refute this argument, concluding that men in fact, work a lot more hours than women and therefore receive more pay.
I have read a few studies that suggest that more spousal abuse is performed on men by women than what is reported by any data. Police have taken reports of females abusing their husbands but either don’t follow up or tell the male to leave the house…..
I agree that there should not be double standards, and the irony you point out in Reiser recounting her own rape and failing to understand how this applies to her actions towards a child is typical of a pedophile’s refusal to accent responsibility for his/her actions.
But then you write: “Funny how when the roles were reversed, she was a just a child, assuming she was raped at all.”
You are applying double standards there. Either children can make informed choices about choosing to have sex with adult authority figures or they can’t. I believe they can’t. But you are implying that maybe she consented to sex and therefore she wasn’t raped.
I think it is important that abuse of boys by women is treated as seriously as that of girls by men, and your blog does a good job of highlighting that. But there is a worrying thread of misogyny throughout your writings.
No, I questioned whether she was raped at all. While it is possible she was, it is also possible that she made the claim in order to excuse her actions. If she was raped, she bears no responsibility for it. However, she cannot use that as an excuse to abuse children, particularly not years after the abuse ended.
OK thanks – I hadn’t thought of that meaning. My apologies.
True, she could have made it up. But more likely she was in fact abused, and thus became an abuser herself. Not an excuse, but most abusers have been abused themselves.
@Gerhard Gehrmann
“A 13 year old who is willing, wanting, and able to have sex can’t understand why another person would want to have sex with them?”
Same can be said about many 13 yo girls. It is still wrong they are not mentally mature enough to conceive the act psychologically. What you fail to see is that you consider sex just as an “exchange of fluids” which is not to the children, they get mentally scarred and it influences the way they will see life relationships in that time on. Body maturity is not the same as mental maturity and mental maturity is only reached between 16 and 21 years of life. Get a children psychological manual and stop posting bullshit.
@WTF
“Men always want younger women- always.”
Do not generalise. I personally favour older ladies more than the younger rabble, and I have still a long way until I get to my thirties.
Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins have 12 years of difference…guess who is the oldr partner, I don’t see how you could just generalize and use it as an excuse for rape of people who are way below their age of consent.
@T.Earl
Sorry to hear that mate, I hope you manage to get on with life the best you could, wish you the best of lucks out there.
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