A Dose of Stupid v.3

It happens every day. In fact, it is pretty hard to avoid it. There are some things that can only be understood with a slap on the forehead. Things so mind-boggling that one wonders how humans managed to evolve thumbs while being this mentally inept. Case in point:

One would think that when discussing rape jokes one could not possibly exclude males from such a discussion. In fact, it is likely that upon reading “rape jokes” the first thought in one’s mind was some little quip about soap and bending over in prison. Of course, one would be wrong:

Obviously, a lot of women feel uncomfortable about rape jokes because rape is an ever-present background threat to daily life for us, not just a bit of regrettable “bad sex”. Melissa McEwan at Shakesville has written quite a lot about how rape jokes bolster rape culture, and posted an excellent essay on the subject of rape jokes this week, and it highlighted a point I hadn’t especially considered, and which I wish I had considered: that rape jokes are Post-Traumatic Stress Triggers for those who have been raped.

Between five different posts on three different blogs, the bloggers managed to discuss rape jokes without even mentioning males being on the receiving end of half, if not most, of them. Not one mention. It would be more upsetting if it were not such an impressive feat.

So, just to be clear: jokes about female rape, not funny. Jokes about male rape… wait, males can be raped? Well, even if it were possible, its funny.


8 thoughts on “A Dose of Stupid v.3

  1. Prison rape is wrong, and the fact that institutions turn a blind eye to it is even more wrong.

    But the power of the rape joke is different, when any woman anywhere is liable to be raped, while men are usually hardly at risk of rape unless they are imprisoned. With prison rape jokes, it’s meant to be part of the deterrence against engaging in criminal behaviour, with rape jokes against women it’s meant to be part of the deterrence for being independent.

    Neither of them are right, but for women on a feminist blog to concentrate on how such jokes affect women on a daily basis, living their daily lives, is understandable.

    The way in which rape jokes against women cast the victims as somehow asking for it, and powerless, obviously has an effect on the men outside prison who are raped as well, making telling other people that they have been raped a more wounding attack on the sense of masculinity than the assault itself for some.

    Rape culture fucks up both men and women. It’s not the Oppression Olympics you know.

  2. Actually, the current rate of sexual assault for males is 1 in 6, so it is hardly uncommon or unlikely that males outside of prison can be or are sexually assaulted or raped. Any male anywhere is a potential victim at any point. The difference is that males are socialized to believe they can protect themselves, giving the illusion that they cannot be raped, an illusion one appears to believe.

    In term of the jokes, what of the ones about boy scouts, alter boys, littler leaguers, campers, stepsons, nephews, the boys from next door, students, street kids, any boy remotely associated with Michael Jackson, etc.? It is unlikely that they are meant as a deterrent. To the contrary, they are meant to dismiss male rape altogether by either blaming the victim, suggesting there is no harm done or suggesting that he enjoyed it.

    From my understanding, I assumed part of the blog’s intent was to dispel misconceptions about feminism, hence its title. One such misconception is that feminists do not consider males potential victims of rape or sexual assault and do not consider it equally wrong. One had a perfect opportunity to demonstrate that such a view is indeed a misconception, yet one ignored male rape jokes altogether. Similarly, one now defends this inaction, despite acknowledging their occurrence and despite their greater social acceptance and general prevalence.

    When one frames asking for acknowledgment of male rape victims as “the Oppression Olympics” one essentially dismisses male rape victims, their experiences and their pain. They deserve the same recognition that one willingly and respectfully extends to female victims.

  3. “The Oppression Olympics” WELL SAID!

    TS has the right of it. Feminists and society in general INTEND to oppress and harm male victims. No one can get around that. There’s no way around it: One must go through the problem fixing everything in sight.

    When it comes to those of us with female offenders! NOW, now the situation is even worse. The people who offend are the people with the power and they intend to use that power to cause harm. WORSE! Worse, they refuse to see their own overwhelming power or desire to cause harm.

  4. I personally do not think any “rape joke” is funny, regardless of the gender or gender orientation of the victim. I am a survivor of rape. The most tragic thing about my case is that the person who assaulted me bragged about thinking I “deserved to be…” before it happened.
    This was in the Army, where there are hundreds of males to female population. In my later years when I had to step in for the EEO officer to brief new unit members; I tried to remind everyone that it doesn’t take much for a criminally minded person to believe he/she has support for what he is doing or thinking of doing. All it takes is silence from the reasonable people. Most of the men I have known all my life either choose to ignore the raunchy jokes and comments, or they laugh along with it while they thinking “this guy’s really f’d up.”
    Regardless which of these reactions one chooses to take, they are reinforcing the flawed ideology of the instigator. They are lending their approval for those acts.
    What everyone needs to do is STEP-UP and respond with comments, like…”that’s a really wrong way to think.” or “that’s just not funny.”
    I have raised for great sons, and I have tried to teach them the concept of “Evil triumphs when good men do nothing.”
    Many people think the courts are biased against men, but maybe, it’s the culture between men that has to be changed, to one that builds character by confronting attitudes that are leading young men and old to destroy themselves through their actions.
    It saddens me when I see the readily accepted degradation of the male character in popular media. My dad raised 5 daughters, and he raised us with the values he was raised with. Honor, courage, honesty, etc… He died in 1995 of cancer. I think it would really depressed him to see what the typical view of males is today. He was a Vietnam Vet and Navy Seal, a man of courage, and unafraid to confront what was wrong.
    The world needs more men like him.
    There is a saying in the army “Cover your a…” It means to make sure you keep yourself free of trouble, document when you experience/witness problems and conflicts (including how you tried to prevent or correct them)… Too few people think it means trying not to get caught at something. But it’s true purpose is to remind people that they are always responsible for their actions, and they will be held accountable for both the things they do as well as what they don’t do.
    Thanks for giving a voice to the men who have experienced traumas. I went though my own traumas, but I chose to use my experiences to try to teach my sons how a culture of non-confrontation among the men I dealt with in the Army actually facilitated (in the mind of my abuser) the trauma he imposed on me. I hope this helps someone out there to STEP-UP. We can’t change the world unless we are first willing to change ourselves.

  5. Rape jokes are despicable. I don’t care what gender they’re geared toward; they’re disgusting, degrading, and not remotely funny. They are intended only to harm and shame rape victims.

    The comments versus feminism on this thread are quite sad, really. Why such animosity? Did anyone stand up on the feminist blog and very nicely say, “Hey, what about male victims?” No? Look, attacking feminism is simply not fair. Feminism is a movement designed to bring about equality for everybody; it’s named as such because traditionally, females rest on a lower corporate and legal peg than men. It’s not supposed to be offensive. For cripe’s sake, it’s supposed to be beneficial!

    Feminism is not out to get you. I’m a feminist. I’m absolutely not ashamed to say it. I’m a feminist through and through, and if I hear one misandrist word said in my vicinity, you’d better duck for cover, because I will not tolerate hatred toward either gender. I will always fight for my rights as a woman, because I know for a fact (and it is a fact) that I am not yet an equal member of this society (slut-shaming and pay in the private sector are examples of this). But goshdarnit, I am not going to stand by and keep my mouth shut when I know that male rape victims are suffering because of the gender role barriers that feminism fights against. I’ve heard a lot of rape jokes, and yes – most of them involve rape against men. It’s true. I said it. It’s so true. And it’s not just in real life: movies, books, music, blogs. Everywhere, it’s about how ridiculously FUNNY it is when a man – nay, an innocent human being, is sexually assaulted and violated by someone who believes that it is their right to invade his body. I say no, it is not funny. It is not funny in the slightest, and as long as it keeps being funny, male rape victims will stay in the dark, statistics will stay inaccurate, the justice system will keep it’s vow of “guilty until proven innocent”, and those who rape men will kick up their heels and get away with it.

    Two cents = put in.

  6. Did anyone stand up on the feminist blog and very nicely say, “Hey, what about male victims?”

    Try it and see what happens. The typical response is some “what about teh menz” comment. That is the reason for the comments you read.

  7. @ tigtog
    “rape jokes against women it’s meant to be part of the deterrence for being independent.”
    “Rape culture fucks up both men and women.”
    You know I keep hearing this claim for the past 40 years that men are trying to deter women form being “independent”? The same thing with men using domestic violent to keep women in control. I have never hear a single viable reason for why a man much less men, much less ALL me would like to “control” women and steal their “independence”? My wife is very independent and I love that. It would drive me crazy if she kept calling me and saying “Honey should I let these kids mow our lawn?” My 19 almost 20 year old daughter is extremely independent and I’m a very proud of her. Can you post any proof? Any links to credible reports? I find it interesting that how I keep hearing we are in a “Rape Culture” and yet when a man enter prison for raping women or children (but not men), they have to be put in a special protection unit or they will be killed. Not even the dregs of our society, the worst of the worst will even tolerate women being raped yet women can bring false rape charges against men knowing the will never be prosecuted if they are caught. Again can you provide any credible reports showing rape is not taking serious or is encouraged in our country?

  8. Hardly at risk. What an A**HOLE. What do you know about male rape ? Nothing it is obvious. Try living with it when you are a big powerful man that has been hailed as someone that will protect a woman from sexual assault no matter what people think of your morals. Try being that guy that gets assaulted knowing you could protect others and not yourself. Try being unable to even ask for help because it has screwed up who you are so bad you don’t know what to do.

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