Originally posted on September 17, 2007
Over the weekend while I was hanging out with some friends one of their girlfriends mentioned that I never get angry. They had been drinking for a bit, so the comment may have been alcohol driven, but she said that she would like to see me get angry. As she put it, “You need to fuckin’ lose it!”
She does not know anything about my past, however, I could not help but think about how often I have heard that in context of my experiences. I do not express much emotion and certainly not anger. Several people have told me that I need to “let the anger out.” I find this somewhat silly and slightly insulting. People seem to assume that if one has had difficult experiences that one should be angry. And not just regular anger. Seething, burning, uncontrollable rage.
Personally, I do not understand that. Being constantly angry, constantly enraged, perpetually on edge does not seem like something anyone should want to do. In that state, anything could set the person off. The person would always mistake off-the-cuff remarks as insults or a personal attack. And once set off, the rage would drive what follows, and in a strange way it would also justify whatever is done because the person would have “lost” control.
Whatever the appeal is, I just cannot see it. Emotions lead to mistakes. They lead to overreaction. Mostly, they prevent any kind of reasoning because one is thinking more with one’s “gut” than with one’s “head.” Ironically, this kind of thinking is no different than the kind that drove the people I grew up around. It was because of seething, uncontrolled anger that their actions were “justified.” The angrier they were, the better it seemed, or at least the more sense it made to them.
The same girl once described me as a “fuckin’ cold bastard.” I suppose I would rather be that than a rage cage.