It happens every day. In fact, it is pretty hard to avoid it. There are some things that can only be understood with a slap on the forehead. Things so mind-boggling that one wonders how humans managed to evolve thumbs while being this mentally inept. Case in point:
I am sure you can guess where this is going, but have a look anyway. From the blog post:
Here’s the deal: Straight cis men do get raped. Straight cis men do get abused. Straight cis men do suffer lots of problems because of weird patriarchal notions of masculinity. You’d be hard pressed to find a feminist that disagrees with those ideas.
Of course I would not. After all, that trite is the typical feminist doctrine. The reality is that men suffer sexual violence because of the actions of other men and women. No “patriarchal notions of masculinity” causes that anymore than Catholicism makes priests molest boys. Getting back to the blog post:
But here’s the thing: it can’t and shouldn’t dominate the conversation when women or trans men or LGBTQ folks talk about the type of oppression that THEY face. And it does! All the time, and in ways that are totally irrelevant.
Really? Curious how the author did not point out an actual example of sexual violence against males “dominating” the conversation. As I think about it, I cannot recall a single instance in which sexual violence against males has been the explicit focus of a feminist discussion. Every time feminists mention male survivors, they quickly note that “men are rarely victims” or that “women have it worse” or, as they did with the recent Penn State scandal, ignore male survivors altogether to attack men as a group.
The author tries to justify this nonsense with:
When you read a post where a woman describes her rape trauma, and someone comes in and says “Well, men get raped too, what about the men?”, they’re not saying “We’re all potential victims of sexual assault, look at how awful this is, let’s examine it as one entity called “human” that is opposed to this type of behavior in all of its forms.” What they ARE saying is “STFU, woman. This isn’t just a woman problem, so you’re not allowed to talk about it in any terms that acknowledge your womaness, or gender as a factor at all. We don’t care that rape statistics show that women are much, much, more likely to be raped than straight cis men. We certainly don’t care that people with disabilities and trans people face even more severely heightened odds of being raped. We don’t care. Straight cis men get raped too. Therefore this is a non-story and you really shouldn’t be talking about it. Especially not in any context that we don’t agree with or approve of. Men get raped too, so your story is irrelevant.”
Right… Asking people to stop painting sexual violence as something that only happens to women in akin to telling women to shut the fuck up? What does mean then when feminists tell male survivors ” rape statistics show that women are much, much, more likely to be raped than […] men”? Is that not a big shut the fuck up to men?
Oh, I forgot. It is okay for feminists to tell men to shut the fuck up because what happens to men is “a non-story [we] really shouldn’t be talking about it. Especially not in any context that we don’t agree with or approve of.”
Coincidentally, the author cannot claim that anyone mentioning male victimization denies female victimization when their argument is that men get raped too. The word ‘too’ means ‘as well as’, as in “there are female as well as male victims of rape.” No one actually denied that women were victims or attempted to silence them. They simply wanted to stop the sexist framing of rape as something only men do to only women.
The author continues:
That’s why “But what about the menz?” is a meme in feminist circles. It’s because we see that idea ALL THE GODDAMN TIME.
No, the reason for the “what about teh menz” meme is because feminists as a group do not want to discuss sexual violence against males because it does not fit their preconceived, misandrist agenda. The rape of males is an inconvenient truth for feminists, and feminists use the “what about teh menz” meme in an ironic effort to shut male survivors up. Some of the responses to my article on The Good Men Project Magazine provide good examples of that.
What makes the situation so hypocritical is that feminists claim to care about all rape victims, yet whenever someone mentions male victims, feminist toss out the “what about teh menz” retort. Worse, feminists blame men for their own abuse. Whatever bad things that happen to men are men’s fault (via “the patriarchy”), and however feminists respond to men talking about sexual violence against men, even male survivors, is men’s fault:
It’s a reminder that if we make the conversation about us and our own experiences, and we don’t go out of our way to acknowledge those straight, cis white guys… well, clearly it’s because WE are excluding THEM, and it has nothing to do with their inability to identify with us. Because they’re the default.
If that little bit of stupid did not rattle your brain, this will:
So you can’t talk about human experience in female terms and have it not be automatically exclusionary to the guys that you are not talking about.
By definition, talking about the human experience in female terms does automatically exclude the people you are not talking about, i.e. men. But let us set that aside and just look at the statement at face value. First, the author states that she only wants to talk about the female experience, and implies that sexual violence is exclusive to the female experience. In other words, she basically states men cannot be raped.
Secondly, where are the scores of people talking about sexual violence against men? I know feminists think it happens all the time, but as speaking a male survivor, I can say it rarely occurs, especially in feminist circles.
Look, if feminists do not want to talk about male victimization, fine. To be honest, no one is really asking them to. Whenever someone brings up male survivors in a feminist space, they are not doing it because they think feminists will care. Rather, they are doing it to challenge the sexist framing feminists created around this issue.
Yet ultimately it seems the author is simply peeved about being “interrupted”:
And as a feminist, let me say this: Guys, I understand that bad things happen to you. I understand that you experience rape, harassment, problems related to sexuality and your masculinity. I get that.
Let me clarify something for you: as a feminist you do not understand anything about what happens to men.You do not understand, or care, that boys and men experience rape, harassment, problems related to sexuality or their masculinity. You do not get it and you never will because your views are too bigoted and narcissistic to allow for that kind of basic compassion, as you so eloquently illustrate:
When I talk about me? It’s not because I’m refusing to talk about you. You’re allowed in. Share your stories, but stop acting like there’s something wrong with me if I don’t talk about yours every single time I talk about mine.
But male survivors should act like there is nothing wrong with feminists expecting them to talk about women’s experiences every single time those men talk about their experiences?
This is the kind of sexist, bigoted trite that male survivors put up with constantly. And this crap does not come from the average person, but from the people who claim to support all rape victims. Could you see any feminist writing that condescending “yeah, yeah, shut the fuck up” crap to female victims? Or what about this:
Tell us what happened to you and how it made you feel and why you feel that way. Sit down at the proverbial table with us, have a drink, and tell us what makes you sad about the world.
But don’t you dare fucking interrupt me while you do it. This is a conversation, and in a polite conversation you have to listen and wait for your turn.
In other words: male victims, shut the fuck up.
That kind of misandrist, bigoted, rape apologist stupidity is precisely why people have such a low opinion of feminists.