A Dose of Stupid v.69

It happens every day. In fact, it is pretty hard to avoid it. There are some things that can only be understood with a slap on the forehead. Things so mind-boggling that one wonders how humans managed to evolve thumbs while being this mentally inept. Case in point:

Teh menz don’t get raped.

A commenter on The Good Men Project graced us with a wonderful gem of misandry I feel compelled to share. Here is Kit’s comment in full

“Not to genderize it”? When you have a more balanced proportion of a crime or issue into both gender, it’s fair. But when 99% of the rapists are men, and 1 in 3 woman in America have or will be sexually abused in their lives, it’s very difficult not to genderize the situation. Because it IS gender violence.

No, it’s not denying that men don’t suffer sexual abuse (by men I mean MEN, not boys – pedophilia is sexual attraction for children and in most cases it mechanisms of preference are completely dissociated from the victims gender, but for their condition of “child” and ther past abuse). It’s just saying that, when a man is walking down a dark street, he’ll be most afraid that someone robs him – while a woman will be afraid that someone rapes her, even if the statistics of robberies go more or less equal for both genders. It’s just saying that a man can drink his ass of and rarely worry about someone putting a penis on his butt – while a woman has to be constantly aware of it. And it’s the realization – and probably the most important – that, if 99% of the rapists are men, it’s a really petty gramatical correction to ask to write “teach people not to rape”, when everybody knows the possibilities a woman will do so are ridiculously minimal.

I’m a feminist, and I like this site. It contains a very broad-minded quantity of nice articles to make people think about the situation of the occidental white men and have them meditate about their behaviour, admitting mistakes and analyzing their condition in the world of today. It’s a great thing, because you’re pretty much the majority (in terms of power) and it’s nice to see dialogue and not a bunch or juggernauts who attack women and gays without thinking about it. But I also think that, while trying to show yourselfs as nice guys who are trying to like with and support other and live well in harmony, you sometimes commit the mistake of not realizing that something DO happen, and it’s not a misinterpretation nor a personal attack. Saying “teach men not to rape” is not saying “all men are rapists”, but “all (or almost all) rapists are men”. And it’s not an attack, it’s a fact.

And what it’s worst is that this particular phrase is meant to change roots of society, teaching our boys that women are humans and not to be raped (or their male partners can’t be forced either), and sex is not a domination weapon, for them to never think of a human being as a chunk of meat to fulfill their desires. It’s meant to be good for everyone, making boys into respectful men who don’t rape. Because, again, only %1 of rapes aren’t commited by men.

So it’s not despicable. Nor innecessary. I’m sorry, menz, but MEN RAPE. Rape women and other men. So you actuallly should support that phrase and work on making it reality, for yourselves as eventual rape victims also – not only because the possibility a woman will rape you is low, very low, and most of the time you’ll face as “she’s so horny for me” and actually consent.

Please try and face the fact itself, before saying that the Slutwalk “chose” the word “men”.

As of late, GMP has fallen back to shoring up its feminist credentials, so my comment was placed in automatic moderation. Since another poster noted that his forweg edited before it was posted, I decided to repost (or post) my response here:

Your claims about sexual violence are factually untrue. The CDC report that came out recently showed that between 40% to 60% of those who rape males are female.  According to that same report, 1 in 5 men in America experience sexual abuse in their lives, and the researchers got that high a rate despite excluding female-perpetrated sexual violence as rape.

What people fear has nothing to do with what can actually happen to them. The majority of sexual violence is committed by someone the victim knows, and it is actually men and boys who face a higher risk of being assaulted by a stranger. More so, we live in a culture that tells men not to talk about their fears, and treats male victims of sexual violence by men or women as automatically gay. Even if men feared being raped by another man or by woman, they would never admit it, let alone show it.

“Teach men not to rape” implies that only men rape. It also implies that all men are potential rapists because the phrase does not say which men we are talking about. If feminists meant certain types of men, one would think they would say so. By using “men” they make it clear that they mean men in general, i.e. all men. This is not semantics, just basic English grammar.

More so, it is unclear how the phrase changes anything for the better. Speaking as a male survivor of sexual abuse, the phrase not only denies my experiences by framing rape as something that only happens to women, but also accuses me of being a rapist. How does that help me? How does it help men and boys to accuse them of doing something the vast majority of them will never do? How does it help them to hold them responsible for other people’s actions?

The phrase and the sentiment that created is despicable, as well as misandrist and pathetic. Trying to justify that biased nonsense is like the right trying to justify claims that President Obama was born in Kenya. It not only sounds stupid, but it also shows how prevalent and accepted misandry within the feminist movement since few feminists object to the phrase or the sentiment behind it.

As for your comment that men and boys raped by women will enjoy it and consent to it, I would just like to thank you for showing exactly what feminists actually think about women’s sexual violence against men and boys. I would also like to thank the resident feminists at GMP for having the courage to speak up in defense of male victims. Wait. My apologies. That has not happened.

And by the way, the Bureau of Justice numbers are based solely on reported crimes. Since male victims are less likely to report their abuse, and since victims of both sexes abused by women are less likely to report their abuse, the BoJ numbers are not an accurate reflection of the rate of sexual violence.

Kit’s comments are one of the reasons why I have such contentious distrust of feminists. It is not just that she made that, but the certainty and smugness with which she made them. There is no question in her comments, and no concern for how she comes across. The only option men and non-feminists have is to accept the feminist mantra or get mocked.

Another reason is that pesky moderation thing I mentioned earlier. There are two possibilities: 1) all comment go into moderation and must be approved, or 2) only certain people’s comment go into moderation. If it is the latter, then it reveals a clear bias at GMP towards anyone who questions feminist positions. If it is the former, then it means some moderator read Kit’s comment and let it through without questioning it at all, even though a similar comment written by a man or non-feminist would not be approved.

Thanks for keeping it classy, GMP.

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20 thoughts on “A Dose of Stupid v.69

  1. It’s the length I think, my comments always go into moderation as I tend to write large comments. Give it a few minutes and usually someone will ok it, there are only a handful of moderators and they aren’t always on. There are also certain trigger words, multiple links, swear words which can trigger the auto-moderation from what I can tell. Don’t think they have automoderation for a poster but I may be wrong.

    As for Kit’s comment, it annoyed the hell out of me. I hope she? does some reading and gets herself up to date with the definition problem, and the CDC stats. The 99% myth needs to die.

  2. I disagree Archy. I think comments containing some key words (like, e.g, “feminism”, “rape”, “MRA”) go into moderation; it’s also possible that comments from certain individuals always get a green light while some people are always put into moderation.

  3. Well the first would be trigger words, as for green light, not sure if the comment system has that but I might ask later.

  4. I wrote a comment where I pointed out the bait-and-switch nature of comments like Kit and how I’ve encountered that elsewhere from feminists. Here is a couple of replies from Sarah:

    So men need to get out in public and make those points, just have women have done. The first women who marched for the right to vote were reviled and insulted, but they perserved. Rather than complaining that women activists don’t address men’s issues, get out there and have your own marches, hold campus events, hand out pamphlets and all the rest. Let me be clear, I am in complete sympathy for the points you raise. But I’m tired of reading comments from guys (not you personally, necessarily) who sit on the sidelines and complain that they are not represented by activists who have their own interests and different agendas.

    It’s lie me complaining that the NAACP isn’t addressing my issues as a white person or that a gay rights organization isn’t doing enough for straight people.

    My response to that is in moderation now at GMP so here it is in full:

    Sarah:
    I reserve the right to critique people who erase/minimize my experience without having to present any activist credentials first.
    I mean, how would it sound if I asked a woman who complained about street harassment and slut shaming whether she had attended any slut walks or passed out pamphlets? How would it sound if I suggested she stopped complaining if she hadn’t done any of those things? Isn’t that basically what you’ve told me?

    NAACP and gay rights organizations are poor examples as noone from NAACP have ever claimed that they help white people too, neither have any gay riights organizationz claimed that they help straight people too.

  5. why even participate at that place?

    To make sure it does not become an echo chamber and that actual men’s voices, not feminist or women’s opinion of men’s voices, are heard.

  6. Tamen, your comment went through. They need more moderators though and have been asking for more, I think they’re swamped atm with it + their offline lives. Wait a day, if it hasn’t been posted after a day then there could be an issue.

  7. Archy: Yes, I saw it went through and I guess it is something with the way that I write (or the words I use) which triggers the moderation filter since my comment also ended up in moderation here. I consider it most likely that I am not on moderation there based on feedback from them to me (I think I have asked once) and Eagle34 and others when they have asked. It is still frustrating when a comment end up in moderation with no clear feedback as to why and it can also create unnecessary pile-on situations. As can be seen where both you and I made a very similar response to Sarah unbeknownst of eachother.

  8. I have had comments “magically” disappear there-one on privilege….

    Toysoldier, I see your point-however it feels like a battleground, not a place to discuss things….

  9. Slightly off topic, but your website appears to be blocked by default in the United Kingdom, at least on T-Mobile. I can get to GMP and even Radical Hub fine, just not here or Feminist Critics.

  10. I believe authors can delete messages. I usually just wait when I see moderation, it’ll eventually be posted. I write large novel length comments and sometimes with multi-links which can trigger moderation I think.

  11. Once had Lisa tell me that my recent comments about being hurt by girls and women is “pushing an agenda”.

    It’s funny, Jacobtk you talk about how you’ve been hurt. James Landreth talks about how he had been raped by a pregnant woman. Yet, you guys aren’t “Pushing an agena” according to them.

    Meanwhile, apparently I won’t be living a full life if I keep mentioning it according to her.

  12. Eagle, do you have a link to that comment? If she said that to you, that says a lot about her character and attitude towards male survivors.

    As for Lisa not accusing me of “pushing an agenda,” I give her nothing to even make that claim with. Since I do not discuss the details of my experiences with feminists, I would never write about them on GMP except in the broadest manner. I keep my comments impersonal for that very reason. I should not have to get personal to get someone to listen to me.

  13. >>why even participate at that place?

    >To make sure it does not become an echo chamber and that actual men’s voices, not feminist or women’s opinion of men’s voices, are heard.

    But. . .why bother doing that? It’s an uphill battle against people whose lifestyles are literally dependent on denying your positions. They have almost every reason in the world to resist and deny your message no matter how rational and truthful your positions are.

    You only have a limited amount of time and energy. Why do you expend any of it arguing with cheaters and liars on their home ground where they have almost all the power and no vulnerabilities?

    I don’t see the benefit to men and boys in general. I really don’t. All I see happening is desperately lonely and insecure people rushing out to fight the enemy on the enemy’s home ground where the enemy is best and most advantaged because, well, it’s better than being ignored!

    Well, maybe for you individually, but the average guy or kid? No, it’s not better for them. It’s arguable worse, because your attention gives these anti-male chauvanists a legitimacy they don’t deserve.

    The only rational explanation I can come up with that matches my observations is that most of you do this because normal society starves you, from boyhood through manhood, for the basic human attention and fundamental respect all human beings need for healthy living. As a result, you end up engaging with the only people who will address your concerns at all. Their censorship and attacks mean that to them, at least, you matter enough to react against, compared to the rest of mainstream society.

    So AFAICT, you do it for the attention, because the active female chauvanist exploiters are the only ones who will give you any attention, at all.

    You do it because as men and boys you’ve been comparatively starved for attention your whole lives and the only people who will pay you any are the active female chauvanist exploiters.

    It’s an unhealthy codependent relationship in which you willingly seek out their abuse because you can’t find even that much acceptance anywhere else. Unlike the members of just about every other public forum, at least the active female chauvanist exploiters deliberately signal their rejection of you.

    Unfortunately, that doesn’t really benefit other men and boys. It just makes you personally feel a little less lonely and unimportant.

  14. But. . .why bother doing that? It’s an uphill battle against people whose lifestyles are literally dependent on denying your positions. They have almost every reason in the world to resist and deny your message no matter how rational and truthful your positions are.

    I bother because if no one challenges them then it is their views that everyone agrees with. One of the reasons GMP runs articles about sexual violence against boys is because of the negative response they got from the way their feminist writers presented sexual violence. That in turn showed non-feminist readers that some feminists frame sexual violence in a way that completely ignores male victims. The result is that even when people agree with feminists, they will challenge the idea that only or mostly women are victims.

    I don’t see the benefit to men and boys in general. I really don’t. All I see happening is desperately lonely and insecure people rushing out to fight the enemy on the enemy’s home ground where the enemy is best and most advantaged because, well, it’s better than being ignored!

    The benefit is that more people will here male survivors stories and see what male survivors face when they talk about their experiences. A few years ago I wrote a comment on a feminist blog stating that male survivors often face discrimination by the support community. There is enough backlash when people say nasty things about female survivors to stop anyone from publicly making rape jokes, but the same sentiment does not exist for male survivors. The feminists responded by accusing me of denying female victimization and I went wrote a post on my own blog she banned me from her site. But because my comments were measured and civil, even other feminists called her out on it. There were more links to her post criticizing her for attacking me than talking about her warped view of what male survivors experience. That in turn prompted a conversation on different blogs about how feminists and the culture at large treats male survivors.

    Well, maybe for you individually, but the average guy or kid? No, it’s not better for them. It’s arguable worse, because your attention gives these anti-male chauvanists a legitimacy they don’t deserve.

    I disagree. You challenge people who make bigoted statements in order to let people know those statements are unacceptable. That does not grant them a legitimacy; it simply acknowledges that those people cause problems for others. And it does help the average male survivor by creating a counter narrative to the anti-male narrative feminists put out there. A funny thing happens when one person questions a biased idea: other people realize they have the same feelings too. That is part of the reasoning for commenting in a feminist space.

    The only rational explanation I can come up with that matches my observations is that most of you do this because normal society starves you, from boyhood through manhood, for the basic human attention and fundamental respect all human beings need for healthy living. As a result, you end up engaging with the only people who will address your concerns at all.

    That is not a rational explanation, and it makes no sense because the conflict caused by such interactions has the opposite affect. If I were seeking attention from feminists, it would make more sense to ingratiate myself to them rather than say something that would make them hate or ban me, yes? More so, it is clear from the comments on this blog and the traffic other blogs and websites discussing sexual violence against boys and men that feminists do not address my concerns. Again, my comments in feminist spaces are about correcting their misinformation and misandry, not trying to convince them to see things my way.

  15. Blogs such as this one and many others that dare to discuss these different kinds of abuse have in essence given me the ok to discuss my own. That in itself is more than enough to show their value.

    Thanks TS and others.

  16. “But when 99% of the rapists are men, and 1 in 3 woman in America have or will be sexually abused in their lives, it’s very difficult not to genderize the situation. Because it IS gender violence.” this is such bull. the reason why rape statistics are so unbalanced has more to do with the fact that in many jurisdictions, rape is explicitly defined as being penetration of a woman’s vagina with a penis, to the point that even cases of women being penetrated against their consent are not counted as rape because it wasn’t vaginal, or they weren’t penetrated with a penis. as a result, many of these scenarios are given different names and not included in rape statistics. therefore, relying entirely on rape statistics rather than all severe sexual assault statistics is dishonest. as for the second statistic, that is pure misinformation. no scientific study has ever come up with such a number.

  17. Even if it were true that 99% of rapes are committed by men, the problem with “teach men not to rape” is no connection with that whatsoever. The proper statistic to compare it to would be that only 1% (or whatever) of men are rapists.

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