Not a “happy ending”

A reader named Sonja emailed me an article written by a man who does not think women can rape men. Michael Graham recounted a recent case in which a man pressed charges against a masseuse performed an unspecified sex act on him after he told her no:

A Dighton, Mass., man is pressing charges against a well-known local massage parlor, saying he was sexually assaulted.

The 30-year-old man told police on Saturday about an incident in April, when he went to the North Main Street Spa for a massage, according to a police report.

The massage proceeded in ways that have gotten its proprietor and masseuses arrested in the past for prostitution — and ended the same way. The man said he told “Yo Yo” that he had a girlfriend, the report said, but she completed the sex act.

Michael Graham responded with this:

NOW he’s pressing charges? Why not just get up before the “Happy” reached the “Ending” and walk out? Or how about just rolling over?

Sorry, but everybody knows the Natural Truth: A woman cannot rape a guy. (At least, not under these circumstances. Keep your sick Tarantino-esque fetishes to yourself)

The only way a woman can, ahem, “get the job done” is with a guy’s consent. What—you think the 90+ pound Asian lady held this guy down and “primed the pump” while he tried to fight her off?

First, as I noted above, we do not know what the sex act was. It could have been masturbation, oral sex, or vaginal sex. Second, whether the man could get up is beside the point. He told the woman no and she did it anyway. No state law says how long an act much occur for it to count as rape. There was a man sentenced to four years in prison for a 30-second rape. It does not matter how long it happened, only that it happened.

Third, the “Natural Truth” Graham mentions is precisely why a woman can rape a man. The penis responds to any stimulus whether the man wants it to or not. We do not know the circumstances of what happened, we do not know how easily this man is sexually aroused, and we do not know how long the sex act took. But for the sake of argument, let us assume the woman massaged her way down to the man’s penis, took it in her hand, and the man became erect. He told her “No” but she masturbated him anyway and he ejaculated within seconds. That can happen completely without his consent.

No one needs to hold a man or boy down for it to be rape. There does not need to be any force involved at all. And let us flip the situation. Would Graham argue that if a man masturbated a woman as she lay on the table to get a massage that her level of arousal equaled consent? Probably not, especially after what Todd Akin did last week.

The only place where Graham has a point is that the sex act might not legally count as rape. It might count as some form of sexual assault or indecent sex act. But that is a legal argument, not a moral one.

Graham went on to add:

What happened here is that this guy’s girlfriend found out what happened somehow—maybe he brought something biological home, whatever—and now he’s claiming “She forced me!”

Joking about the act does not change that the man did not want it. It is possible that his girlfriend found out about it because of a stain in his underwear and the man claimed he did not want it. However, it is unlikely that a man would lie about a sexual assault against him, let alone tell that lie to the police knowing full well that they probably will not believe him.

Is there a woman anywhere dumb enough to believe this? And why would the cops waste their time investigating this as a sexual assault?

Judging from the comments on the article, plenty of women are “dumb enough” to believe this. That should tell Graham something. As for the police “wasting their time”, it is their job to investigate crimes. Unless they have proof that no crime occurred or an unreliable witness, they ought to investigate it. That does not mean anything will come of it, but it is their job.

12 thoughts on “Not a “happy ending”

  1. Graham can go to hell for all I care.

    Sorry, I’m still a little emotionally drained from my performance of Episode Six of Speak To Me, my serial play, but if he saw episode six it’d show him he’s the reason why men don’t bring their stories of sexual assault from females to the police or society in general.

    If he saw episode six, he’d get a clue. But I doubt it.

  2. Sorry Toy Solider.

    It’s just the ramifications of Episode Six is already weighing me down. Everytime I read stories like this, it makes me react more harshly.

  3. Typically rape is about power and control that in essence is done to benefit the person doing it. How, in this case, would the prostitute(masseuse) benefit from rape? I would imagine she would get paid regardless of whether or not she performed a sexual act. With that in mind, in this instance, I question the validity of his claim.

  4. Typically rape is about power and control that in essence is done to benefit the person doing it.

    I think that is just the conclusion professionals came up with. If rape were just about power and control, why the sexual element? One can have just as much power and control over a person and their body without having sex with them.

    How, in this case, would the prostitute(masseuse) benefit from rape?

    It could be that she thought he did want it and just said no as a cover. It could be that she was just doing her job as she saw it. It could be that she did not care. It could be that she did not hear his rejection. Remember that legally speaking the rapist’s intent is irrelevant. She could have wanted to help him, but the moment he refused and she continued anyway, that made it a sex crime.

  5. If rape were just about power and control, why the sexual element? (TS)

    Because that is the ultimate form of control. Controlling the pleasure center. It possibly could be a “sex crime” but I still would question whether or not it is rape. Regardless, something about this doesnt smell right.

  6. If he went to a prostitute, and she raped him, would you believe it? It could be that you are assuming he went in there with the idea of having sex and even if that is true as soon as he said no it’d be rape, infact as soon as he withdraws his consent it’s technically rape (though to prosecute I think he’d have to resist or say no?)

  7. Oh.

    I wondering who this guy Michael Graham is and… checking, I discover he’s a comedian and tea party organizer, talk show host, and political consultant… I think inflammatory controversy is kind of his thing. Easy prey here. I wouldn’t waste my time trying to education or engage him, considering this kind of mentality.

    Not much detail in the story to go on.

  8. “Sorry, but everybody knows the Natural Truth:”

    When you have sloppy rhetoric like that it does make me wonder!

    1) Which Truth?
    2) How does Michael Graham know the supposed “Natural Truth” of Massage Parlours?
    3) Has he been involved in double blind studies on the subject?
    4) Mr Michael Graham claims Clairvoyance and other Super Natural Gifts and the ability to know what has happened, even down to a supposed girlfriend being involved and biological agents.
    5) Evidently, Michael Graham links matters to Gimp Masks due to his Super Natural Gifts, and for no other reason. P^)

    … and I have to wonder at the advertising on Michael Graham’s web pages – Confessions Hotline – and the motif of the Blond Lady all hushed up! It would seem that he is more into personal titillation than talent!

  9. @Archy

    If he said no then you are right, technically its rape. Considering the place he went to was known to have prostitution in the past makes his story even more dubious for me.

  10. I do believe the guy did not want it and yes I do believe that Mr. Graham is a flipping moron. I do believe however, intent should be examined too. If the masseuse did not hear him, did not understand him, was simply doing what she thought her job was, or her intent was not a malicious one then I do not believe she should be treated as such. Sometimes (and this goes for both men and women) we have to make “no” a bit more clear. Not saying that you should necessary go to violence but simply reassert by getting up or pushing off. Yes, it is possible for men to be raped by women but at the same time I sometimes think that in both male on female and female on male rapes the “no” needs to be made clear.

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