Yes, anyone can be abused

Originally posted on September 16, 2012

In a recent interview, Sir Roger Moore, best known for his role as James Bond, revealed that two of his ex-wives abused him during their marriages:

“[Doorn Van Steyn] would scratch me. She threw a pot of tea at me.

“I’d been sunbathing in the garden, I came up and I’d taken off my pants and I gave her some smart Alec answer and this teapot came hurtling at me. I said, ‘right, that’s it, I’m leaving’.

”She storms off out of the room and I hear the bath running. I thought, ‘What a cow, I’m leaving her and she’s having a bath’.”

Sir Roger, the longest running Bond, added: ”So I smashed the bathroom door open and she had all my clothes in the bath and said, ‘now leave me’. I waited for them to dry. The marriage was doomed.”

Later, he recounted what his second wife, Dorothy Squires, did:

“I remember, to avoid confrontation, I used to strum the guitar and one day I was sitting on the edge of the table strumming and she was ranting on about something and I wasn’t taking any notice.

”Next thing I know, it was like slow motion, I could feel the guitar coming out of my hands and I could see it up above my head and… bash, it came down. She ruined the guitar. She had a great temper.”

But the Welsh vocalist also attacked him after learning he was having an affair with Luisa Mattioli, a young Italian actress who he would marry in 1969.

He added: “Dorothy was not happy. She threw a brick through my window. She reached through the glass and grabbed my shirt and she cut her arms doing it.

“The police came and they said, ‘Madam, you’re bleeding’ and she said, ‘It’s my heart that’s bleeding’.”

If any story shows that anyone can be abused, Moore’s accounts are proof of that. This is James Bond we are talking about, and yet neither Moore’s fame, social status, looks, or size prevented his wives from attacking him when they saw fit.

Moore’s accounts are hardly passing trivialities. All of them could have resulted in serious injury. What these women did show that people who are smaller find ways to make up for their lack of size and strength, often using weapons that can cause far more damage than a fist.

What is remarkable about Moore’s comments is not just that they happened to him, but that he mentioned them at all. Keep in mind, this is an 84-year-old man. His generation simply did not talk about abuse at all, let alone talk about abuse against men by women. For him to reveal this now is a testament to how things are changing, albeit slowly.

It is still difficult for men to come forward, especially if they are abuse by women. While our culture is warming up to the reality that yes, contrary to what many people think, women do abuse men and yes, contrary to what many feminists claim, it is often very serious abuse, we still have a long way to go.

Few services are available to abused men, and few existing organizations are willing to change that. We still do not talk about violence against men often enough, and when we do it is often tongue-in-cheek. Remember how people treated the Tiger Woods’ situation when he “crashed” his car after his ex-wife discovered that he had had several affairs? That was late-night fodder for weeks.

We need to take these issues seriously, and someone like Roger Moore coming out and talking about what he experienced helps that.

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7 thoughts on “Yes, anyone can be abused

  1. I concure wholeheartedly, Toy Soldier.

    We still need more Roger Morres coming out and talking about their experiences. Still, if “James Bond” can do it, I’m sure it’ll encourage others to step forward.

  2. I feel bad for what he went through, I’m watching “For your eyes only” at the moment. He is a great actor and I hope his social standing n celebrity helps to raise awareness for abuse. Men are now 1/3rd of all DV, maybe even higher and the number seems to actually be rising to reach parity with women yet I don’t see even 1/10th the resources allocated to men as women get. It’s sickening.

  3. Toy soldier, your e-mail isn’t working for some reason. Can you post what it is because the one in the “About” section is wrong.

  4. Pretty well said here: http://wordpress.clarku.edu/dhines/files/2012/01/Hines-Douglas-2009-lit-review-copy-2.pdf
    …women who use IPV face considerable barriers
    when seeking help within the current domestic-violence service system
    because it does not allow for their existence. The following quote exemplifies
    the experiences of some of these women: “[Now] he tries to understand
    my side of the argument. He talks to me rather than hits me. I still hit him,
    however. I would like to enroll in a class in anger management, but the
    [local] shelter for battered women does not help women with this problem”
    (Stacey, Hazlewood, & Shupe, 1994, p. 63).

    Men who sustain IPV
    from their female partners face several potential internal and external barriers
    to seeking help from social services and the criminal justice system. For
    example, men, in general, are not likely to seek help for issues that society
    578 D. A. Hines and E. M. Douglas
    deems nonnormative or for which society deems they should be able to
    handle themselves (Addis & Mihalik, 2003). Men who sustain IPV may not
    seek help because of fears that they will be ridiculed and experience shame
    and embarrassment (McNeely, Cook, & Torres, 2001).
    If they do overcome these internal barriers, they may experience external
    barriers when contacting social services or the police. They may have
    trouble locating the few resources that are available specifically for male
    victims of IPV and may encounter resistance by those providing IPV
    services. For example, when calling domestic violence hotlines, men who
    sustained IPV have reported that hotline workers indicate that they only
    help women or infer that the men must be the actual abuser. Male helpseekers
    report that hotlines will sometimes refer them to batterers’
    programs. Some men have reported that when they call the police during
    an incident in which their female partners are violent, the police sometimes
    fail to respond or take a report. Other men report being ridiculed by the
    police or being incorrectly arrested and convicted as the violent perpetrator,
    even when there is no evidence of injury to the female partner (Cook, 1997;
    Hines, Brown, & Dunning, 2007; McNeely et al., 2001). There are also policies
    in some regions that discourage the arrest of women as the primary
    perpetrators of IPV. For example, in Massachusetts, instances involving
    male victims were five times less likely to end in an arrest than similar
    instances involving female victims. Furthermore, in some instances involving
    male victims, officers either made no arrest or arrested the male victims—
    presuming that they were the primary aggressors (Buzawa & Hotaling,
    2000).

    Sounds much like male victims of sexual abuse, especially by females. Same ideological problem.

  5. Are you sure, Toy Soldier? Because when I enter it, it colors itself red and then the option to correct the e-mail address comes up. Oh well, I’ll try anyway.

  6. Eagle34: It may be that I tell you something you already have tried now, if so please bear with me. It’ll not be a valid email address if it is copied verbatim from the About page. If you haven’t you’ll have to replace the words dot with a . and the word at with @ and after that you’ll need to remove any whitespaces within and any trailing periods.:

    Example:
    contact: mynick at gmail dot com.
    should be
    mynick@gmail.dot

    This obfuscation is often done to avoid having one’s email address harvested for spam purposes by automated web-crawlers. Unfortunately I suspect it’s largely ineffective since it’s a trivial matter to write web-crawlers who does this substitution programmatically. It is better to write one’s email-adress in for instance MS-Paint and save it as a gif image and then publish that on the net. The OCR (Optical Character Recognition) techniques needed to programmatically extract an email address from such an image is a lot harder than to extract it from a simple substitution “code” as the one TS used.

    But of course, if enough people publish their email addresses as images we’ll most likely see a rise in web-crawlers with built in OCR capabilities or they farm it out to humans to interpret (like they sometimes do with the CAPTCHA’s on forums).

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