Nothing says “I don’t give a fuck about you” better than yelling “Fuck you!” at people who dared to talk about their problems. Jezebel announced its Fuck You week, its new “first annual week of desperate emotional cleansing and unhinged psychic purging.” (We will set aside the grammatical quirk of saying something is the “first annual”–it cannot be annual if you have only done it once.) In other words, Jezebel will have a week of people venting on groups they dislike for whatever reason. Kate Harding decided to vent on men’s rights activists in her Fuck You, Men’s Rights Activists article:
Fuck you, first of all, for making it nearly impossible for decent men struggling with abusive partners or unfair custody arrangements to get the help they need and deserve. You have forever tainted those issues with your rage-filled, obsessively anti-woman horseshit, to the point where it’s become difficult for any rational, compassionate person to trust a man who claims he’s been screwed over in family court or abused by a female partner, even if he has.
No, that was feminists. Men’s rights activists have little political power and even less media coverage. The vast majority of people do not know who they are. The reason is it nearly impossible for male survivors or fathers to get the help they need and deserve is because feminists taint those issues with their rage-filled, obsessively anti-man horseshit to the point where it becomes difficult for any rational, compassionate person to trust a man who claims he was screwed over in family court or abused by a woman because feminists have told them that just cannot happen.
When one looks at feminists’ track record, acknowledging men’s issues is not part of it. Feminists are far more likely to claim men do not get raped, that sexual violence against men does not count as rape, that boys abused by women are actually rapists, that people lie about the prevalence of sexual violence against males, that the family court is biased against women, not men, that only abusive men receive custody of children, that no women turn their children against their fathers, and that any man or boy claiming any of the above is a raving misogynist who wants to oppress women.
That is the reality, Harding.
She goes on to state:
That’s right—I fully understand that those things happen. I fully believe that men in those situations deserve help, and I know they’re generally less likely to ask for it than women are, not to mention less likely to find help there for them when they do go looking. I get how our society’s ridiculously rigid ideas about masculinity mean that men are brought up to believe needing help will make them look weak, especially if it’s a woman who’s terrorizing them. I know those same suffocating standards also encourage men to stifle strong feelings and any nurturing tendencies, which deprives them of the right to experience the full range of human emotions without shame.
Of course you do… And what do you think about it?
That completely fucking sucks! You know how I know all that, and why I think it sucks?
BECAUSE I’M A FEMINIST.
No, you think it sucks for the same reason Jerry Sandusky thinks raping boys is bad: because it is the “right” thing to say. If you actually thought those things were bad, then you would have said it before Jezebel’s “Fuck You Week”. You would have written about it countless times, reached out to male survivors and their advocates, and actually understand why many men’s rights activists are so critical of feminists. You certainly would not need to childishly and pathetically vent on a political movement that has had little impact on society or people’s understanding of men’s issues.
However, I would agree that you think it sucks that some men and fathers’ rights activists and male survivor advocates have been successful in limited cases of raising awareness about men’s issues. And I would agree that you would think that because you are feminist, and as such you might not like someone else taking charge of a gender-based issue.That is only way to explain this spin:
By and large, American feminists are really into equality, involved fathers, justice for all, dismantling bullshit gender roles, and helping folks leave dangerous relationships. We would be the natural allies of MRAs, if MRAs were sincerely committed to the causes with which they claim to be chiefly concerned. But no, today’s MRAs—unlike the 1970s movement that earnestly sought to free men, alongside women, from the constraints of gender stereotypes, or the 1980s branch that involved a lot of drum circles and crap poetry—are chiefly concerned with one thing, and one thing only: Putting feminists in their place. Which is in the kitchen at best and in the ground at worst, if you ask these unapologetically misogynistic bags of rot.
That is right. Feminists have spent the last 50 years advocating on behalf of fathers and male survivors of abuse. That is why most domestic violence and rape centers reach out to men and boys and there is no gender bias in the family court system. Likewise, men like Glenn Sacks and Warren Farrell are only concerned with putting feminists in kitchens and killing them. That is why scores of men’s rights activists have killed hundreds of thousands of women and why feminists have to talk about women’s issues in code words and hushed voices.
Except that is not the case. What is the case is that a handful of men’s rights activists vent their rage feminists in comments, on twitter, and in emails. The vast majority of men’s rights activists simply voice their anger, frustration, and disgust with feminist theories and rhetoric. Feminists dislike the critique, and so label any criticism as misogyny. Coincidentally, when a handful feminists decide to vent on men and men’s rights advocates, their rage and hate receives a “first annual” week with scores of applause in the comments from feminists who have no problem mocking and vilifying men who speak about men’s issues. What kind of “bags of rot” would that make them?
Harding goes on to list a series of “fuck yous” that peddle the typical feminist myths that men’s rights activists are abusers, rapists, pedophiles, and rape apologists who want to silence women and feminists, threaten their lives, and control their bodies while lying about men being victims of rape, domestic violence, and false accusations, as well as making up the whole “theory” of misandry in society and in the feminist movement.
While I am not a men’s rights activist, I will accept the “fuck yous”, Harding. Indeed, as a male survivor of sexual violence at the hands of a feminist I thank you for telling me that every time I speak publicly about my abuse or advocate for other male survivors it makes me an “unapologetically misogynistic bag of rot.” I thank you because that is exactly the kind of thing my abuser would say, and it is the same thing I hear from most feminist I encounter. Now when some feminist claims no feminist associates any advocacy for men’s issues with misogyny, I can just lead them to your article.
I also accept the “fuck yous” for another basic reason: I have already had a feminist sexually violate me, so one more threatening to do in a pathetic, hate-filled rant will not make a difference.
However, speaking as that same male survivor who was abused by feminist who peddled the same sexist trite that you do: from the heart, fuck you.
Fuck you for every time a man or boy gets hung up on by a feminist-run rape center.
Fuck you for every feminist who calls male survivors potential rapists and pedophiles.
Fuck you for every feminist who whines about “too much coverage” of women raping boys.
Fuck you for every male survivor who thinks what happened to him does not matter and does not count.
Fuck you for every male survivor who thinks his abuse makes him too dangerous to be around children.
Fuck you for every male survivor who buys into the feminist doctrine of “patriarchy” and believes it is his own fault that he was abused and that he deserves it.
Fuck you for every abused man and boy who, like my uncle and my friend, take their lives because feminist-run organizations will not help them.
And fuck you and every feminist who would rather support a sexist, misandrous ideology over advocating for male survivors of abuse.
From the heart, fuck you.