The Rape of Don Draper

José, a reader, sent me a link to an article about a recent episode of Mad Men. The episode featured a flashback of Dan Draper as a boy. During the flashback, Draper is nursed back to health by a prostitute. Once he is well, or close to being so, she rapes him. As it is described in the Atlantic article:

Throughout most of the episode, Aimee serves as a surrogate mother for Dick; she lets him recuperate in her bed and offers him rest, comforting words, spoonfuls of warm broth. However, in their penultimate scene together, Aimee’s maternal kindness turns oddly predatory. She approaches her bed where Dick is lying weakly, fever newly broken, and asks, “Don’t you want to know what all the fuss is about? “No,” Dick replies forcefully, averting his eyes and hugging the blankets tightly against his chest as she reaches under the covers to touch him. “Stop it,” he says, clearly uncomfortable, even afraid. But Aimee doesn’t stop.

The author, Abigail Rine, points out that the episode did not receive the same response a recent Girls episode did when that show featured a “this may be rape” scene. That episode sparked numerous discussions among feminists, progressives, and pop culture analysts. The Mad Men episode spawned criticism for a rape joke told earlier in the show and a few pat-on-the-back comments.

Rine seemed surprised by the general lack of acknowledgement that what happened to Draper was rape. Yet, the lack of response is common, and honestly better than the usual “wasn’t he lucky” retort.

Women’s sexual violence against men is not often taken seriously. One either finds that people treat it like a joke, treat it as a harmless anomaly, refuse to count the act as rape, deny that it happens at all, or some combination of the above.

Rine also points out the oddity of the CDC’s definition of rape:

This says, essentially, that in order to be raped, a person must be forced into the feminine position of being penetrated, and in order to commit a rape, a person must have either a penis or a penis proxy.a gendered understanding of sexual violence, in which victimhood is linked to femininity and sexual aggression retains a thoroughly masculine profile. I can’t help but think that we should be questioning these readings of power and sexuality, rather than reinforcing them.

While Rine is quick to credit feminists for doing “important work interrogating problematic myths of female sexuality that are often used to blame rape survivors for their own victimization,” she fails to note that very work is ironically the reason why the CDC defined “being forced to penetrate” as separate from “rape.” A representative from the CDC admitted as much when asked about the different definition.

That said, there is some good news. While female-on-male rape is still treated as comical or worthy of back-slapping, more people are beginning to take these cases seriously. This comes largely from male survivors coming forward, male survivor organizations, and the complaints made by the men’s movement about the treatment of male survivors. It is has also happened despite the largely negative response from feminists at the increased acknowledgement of this issue. Yet some feminists are starting to take the issue seriously because the evidence overwhelmingly shows that women do rape men and boys and are responsible for most of the sexual violence males experience.

There is still much work to be done. I just wrote about a case in New Zealand of a woman who cannot be charged with rape because New Zealand law does not recognize women as potential rapists. There is the situation in India where feminist groups blocked legislation to including women as potential rapists. There is also the blatant sentencing double standard, in which women receive more plea deals and lighter sentences than men.

Nevertheless, the more people speak out about female-on-male rape, the more attention the issue will receive, and the more likely people’s opinions will change.

36 thoughts on “The Rape of Don Draper

  1. It took just over 1.5 years before a feminist* even mentioned the “last 12 months” prevalency numbers from the NISVS 2010 Report in a blog or news-article. But I’ve glad they’ve finally gotten there and I sincerely doubt they would’ve have if men had stopped bringing it up whenever a accusation of “what about the menz” and “MRA-speak” were hurled their way.

    * the exception being ballgame who identifies as feminist.

  2. Grrrr…. Abigail Rine makes me want to puke. There is so much hypocrisy and condescension in that article I don’t know where to begin….

    James Landrith describes his “trauma response” …? In quotes. Not real trauma like women overwhelming experience but “male rape trauma” (tee hee hee), from, you know, “male rape” (gufhaw! wink, wink, never happens, they’re just whiny men), … From Abigail Rine, a “journalist” for a “respected magazine” …

    “our cultural understanding of rape has gained nuance and depth over the last 50 years, thanks in large part to feminist activism”… uh, huh. Honey, the tide of fucked up articles by self-congratulating feminist “journalists” who teach “gender studies” like you are why “the vast majority of responses (including The Atlantic’s) glossed over the encounter”, etc. Reality (as in “science has demonstrated otherwise”) doesn’t fit your …. ideology (aka as “troubling gender myths”) and 50 years or 50,000 years won’t change that.

    I’m not real impressed by the tiny, tiny bit of self reflection and potential accountability and accuracy mixed in, as progress of a sort…. (“she rapes him”, “Even more disturbing were those that portrayed the exchange as something positive”, ). It’s really hard to take her seriously when all you have to do is believe what is in front of you is real, not the thoughts in your feminist head.

  3. Allan, I think you are being unfair to Rine. She was actually quoting James, hence the quotation marks around “trauma response.” While I agree Rine goes out of her way to congratulate feminism and feminists, she does admit that the rate of sexual violence against males is likely higher than people think and that women likely commit most of that violence. Her article is not perfect, however, she does make an effort in a way that most mainstream feminists typically do not.

  4. Thanks for doing a write-up. Even though you disagree with me on certain points, I appreciate the respectful tone. Tamen, it was actually a comment you made on an online forum that inspired me to look into the CDC survey, so thanks for that. And Allan, I was quoting James, not diminishing his experience. He has also contacted me to say he appreciated what I wrote about him, so maybe you’re reading into my tone a bit? Anyway, sorry I made you want to puke. Thanks again for calling attention to this important issue, and for discussing the article. (Wish it was being discussed more by feminists, but not seeing much response there yet.)

  5. Ok, I apologize for the, lol, rant (basically), yes, reading into it more about the problems from the general treatment of this subject and my bad experiences personally being attacked many times by feminists as a male survivor and advocate for these men. Admittedly, I don’t know you Abigail and how you treat this subject generally, and yes, your article allows for more than is usually allowed. So yes, my comment was unfair to you Abigail.

    However, with all the information about men’s experiences freely available–books, many documentary films, journal papers, on-line testimonies, bloggers, many public disclosures–the lack of chatter, serious attention, services, interest, etc. and the “myths” for so long, so persistently, by people with public funding and professional standings is no longer tolerable. I hope the attention you hope for does it justice.

    Thank you for coming here to read what we have to say about it.

  6. Thanks, Allan. I’m genuinely sorry (and angered) to hear you’ve been attacked, particularly as a survivor yourself. It’s the stories of male survivors that made me aware of this issue — and only recently, because, as you point out, I had to wander out of my usual circles to find them — so I’m grateful to the men who are speaking out and telling their stories.

  7. Abigail: Thank you for that. It is strengthening to hear that someone take what we say to heart and that it actually can contribute in a small way to someone like you talking about it on a much larger platform than I have access too (and are comfortable with). You see, that’s not the impression I am normally left with when I enter the comment spaces on many blogs so it’s good to see a different positive outcome. Now I am just hoping that someone can influence researcher like Mary P Koss and other researchers using her methodology to work to reveal the scope of this issue and that it will bring about the changes we need to get effective anti-rape campaigns which will also address that side of the issue.

  8. Abigail, welcome to the blog, and thanks for the kind comments. I think you did a great job with your article, and I am curious if it has gotten much response from the online feminists community.

  9. Abigail: Reading a bit of your blog post and comments on “The Rape of Don Draper”, you really have plenty of evidence before you of men’s reality, focusing on male’s raped as adults or children: the sexuality that results, the societal response, the self-concept that results, etc. How a feminist integrates that must involve a lot of “cognitive dissonance”. I hope you don’t go the usual route and just deny reality. Think of your son perhaps.

    Let me, us, know if you’d like anything more about this issue: I literally have dozens of references of all kinds. Mostly, there is no interest, much like the Don Draper scene. Evidence denied. I ran a support group for several years for male survivors at a rape center, a resource I had to create for myself since nothing existed in Minnesota. The millions of dollars, jobs and organizations only help women.

    Since I find feminists so completely unmoved by men’s experiences, I’ll repeat the comment of a woman Berdina Juarez:

    “I was sexually abused/raped thru out my childhood by not one woman but two. Recently I pointed this out in the comments section of an article titled “A Rape A Minute, a Thousand Corpses a Year”. My statement was as follows;

    “I was raped by two women as a child and always felt it was my fault because in order to quality as a true rape victim my perpetrator had to be male. No one ever taught me women also rape. And still to this day we don’t.”

    The only response I received was the following:

    “It takes a lot more than a male attacker to qualify as a True Rape Victim in the eyes of the legal system and court of public opinion. But you really haven’t added anything to this conversation here, have you. When men represent the overwhelming majority of those who commit acts of sexual and physical violence, we need to remove the belief that women are responsible for their victimization because the status quo refuses to blame itself, a status quo maintained by patriarchal influences. I’m sorry about your past, but you are not helping.”

    (End of Berdina’s comment)

    The culture we have now is completely closed off. You can really only help yourself.

    I wish you well Abigail.

  10. Thanks, Allan. I would like some more references, if you have time to send a quick email (or post them here). I’m especially interested in the funding issue, and how resources for rape/abuse victims are allocated specifically to women and not men as well. My email is

    TS: As far as responses from the feminist community — I’ve had positive responses from several feminist bloggers, but only ones I know already from Twitter, etc. The article has been linked on a few feminist blogs (nothing “big time”) and was tweeted by quite a few feminists — again, mostly those in my circle. But I haven’t seen any real discussion, positive or negative, from the wider feminist blogosphere.

  11. Abigail, let me know more what you’re interested in, I’ve been at this in considerable depth for about 5 years now….

    I’ll put it here for everyone to use as well, but funding is an interesting but tricky key question. I’d say it’s quite political, politicized and difficult to know!

    A single data point: one local “rape crisis center”, biggish, multiple sites, gets $500,000 of public and private funding. (Non-profit financial Form 990’s are public information) Similar to another where I trained as a state sexual assault advocate. They are contractually obligated as are all 1000 RAINN affiliates to provide services to men and women equally, have male victims clearly on their web site and state:

    “[the agency] provides services to people of all genders and offers services specifically for men. We offer support groups for male victim/survivors in a safe and supportive environment. A male counselor can also be requested for 1:1 counseling. Call the 24 hour
    crisis line. “

    I’ve had quite a lot of interaction and information about them over the years. In short, men showed up many times at the support group reporting being told flatly on the crisis line (staffed by women only) “We don’t help men”. Groups are segregated male/female. There are constant running groups for females, but a waiting list for men because they don’t have numbers for form a group immediately. “Men don’t show up” I’m told. My name on the male support group list got a call back after **four years** as did other men I know. They were quite brisk about it, took 30 seconds for me to not immediately sign up and they hung up. I requested to volunteer there and they refused, claiming I had requested services from them (a meeting to find out about volunteering) and a policy to wait 2 years after receiving services before being allowed to volunteer.

    I’ve heard this pattern many times from men all over the world, mostly in the USA. I did a little survey of 10 reported experiences on Malesurvivor’s support forums requesting help from a “rape crisis center” RAINN affiliate. 1 was helped and happy, 9 were either flatly refused or, get this, referred to a sex offender program or told they were an offender.

    Examples: “Anyone near this geographic region will immediately say phone the one and only rape crisis center because they have all the services and can cure anyone, which is untrue. Those people are extremely male unfriendly. The only male counselor is unlicensed and treats children. I’m not for certain even he is still there anymore since they moved and began having to bill for insurance. The only ones there who actually posses any form of a license are social workers.

    The secondary trauma and abuse from those people 10 years ago far and again exceeds anything I may have received as a kid.”

    Another: “The only resource available to me is female organized and operated. When a social worker directed me there several years ago, I was told I “Fit the profile of a rapist”, and when I questioned the PhD level counselor, I was cursed and told to leave..”

    I should say I’ve had conversations that lead me to believe some centers are helpful to men, but I think it’s rare. Is “corruption” too harsh a word here?

    I had a conversation suggesting this pattern be investigated in a more careful, factual, less anecdotal way with someone from “the leading male survivor advocacy organization”. It would be quite involved. Sampling, survey/study design, data collection, analysis, reporting, follow-up. Given what I’ve experienced, how would you discover what services are really provided and gauge their quality? Survivors at this stage are generally not open to public conversations. Agencies…. Well, you just don’t ask them, “Do you help men too?” Unless you just don’t think I have any credibility at all. Yet, I can think of ways it could be done. In short, this would be a very contentious thing to do and everybody’s afraid to even talk about it.

    So some US numbers: RAINN gets about $3.1 million in funding, plus 1000 separate affiliate centers, IDK, $100,000 to $500,000 each… Several hundred million. Malesurvivor, the one major advocacy and service organization for men, gets about $250,000. That’s actually double a few years back since the Oprah show and Tyler Perry’s big donation. There’s 1in6 and some individual psychotherapists like Mike Lew. That’s it.

    Let me sum it up for you in my own words: There’s almost nothing for men. We just get ignored, laughed at and attacked. Why disclose at all? No wonder men don’t talk about it.

  12. BTW, just came across this horrifying story about a boy who was assaulted.
    I found it because a feminist blogger was tweeting about it. There are feminist voices out there committed to raising awareness and advocating for victims, male and female. Hopefully we’re witnessing a shift of greater cultural awareness about sexual violence against men. When I hear about stories like this I can’t help but think about my son, and wanting him to be protected from abuse like this.

  13. Allan: “Let me sum it up for you in my own words: There’s almost nothing for men. We just get ignored, laughed at and attacked. Why disclose at all? No wonder men don’t talk about it.”

    It’s a catch-22. We’re encouraged to open up our feelings, share our trauma.

    Though with the caveat that it doesn’t infringe on women’s problems since they have it worse.

    And then when we do share it, we’re still laughed at, made to feel inferior, trauma’s minimized. So as you say, why disclose in the first place?

  14. It is not implausible that male victims of sexual violence have the same experience as male victims of IPV when they seek help. This study found that male victims of IPV

    experienced the most positive experience in seeking help from family/friends, and mental health and medical providers. They have the least positive experiences with members of the DV service system.

    cumulative negative experiences were associated with higher rates of exceeding a clinical cut-off for post-traumatic stress disorder.

    In short, it can be dangerous for a male victim of IPV to seek help from the DV service system. And judging by the examples Allan lists it no doubt can be dangerous for a male victim of sexual violence to seek help from rape crisis centers.

  15. “And judging by the examples Allan lists it no doubt can be dangerous for a male victim of sexual violence to seek help from rape crisis centers.”

    VERY GOOD POINT! My “research project” would be to clarify that possibility. That, a health care system is actually causing more harm than good. You’d think that would be important to know. Actually, I’ve seen research papers state exactly that: Being not believed upon disclosure creates more clinical problems through betrayal, lack of trust that perhaps the original abuse (I believe it was talking about childhood disclosure). I believe that is often true. I’ve heard many men report things like, … oh, … “15 years ago I tried to talk about this with a councilor who said I must be imagining things because she’d never heard of men having problems from sex as a child…” (or something else distinctly unhelpful) [so he then says, I became an alcoholic for 15 years to cope before coming here to talk about it again]. In other words, the abuse experience gets normalized and internalized. That was so true for me.

    I don’t want to sound all bitter and defeatist but the reality is harsh. The polarity in gender issues creates a self fulfilling view. Actually, people can endure a lot and still function amazingly well. Tyler Perry. It’s just that this reality for men explains why men are the way they are. A lot of effects from sexual abuse are very compatible with patterns of male sexuality. In other words, our ignoring this issue like we do, makes it invisible, means we just live with the effects as “normal”, “boys will be boys”, and thus we can’t see it any other way. Too bad. You don’t know what you don’t know.

    Abigail, does that respond any of your interest in funding questions? I’m not saying that’s the complete facts, it’s just anecdotal evidence in some cases. I also found a couple journal reference regarding some of what I said:

    Donnelly & Kenyon, “Honey, We Don’t Do Men”: Gender Stereotypes and the Provision of Services to Sexually Assaulted Males, Journal of Interpersonal Violence, Vol. 11 No. 3 pp. 441-448 (1996).

    Elizabeth Monk-Turner and David Light, “Male Sexual Assault and Rape: Who Seeks Counseling?” Sexual Abuse: A Journal of Research and Treatment 22(3) 255–265

    The later states for example “Bolton, Morris, and MacEachron (1989) found that, among treatment
    programs they surveyed, less than 5% provided services and treatment designed and implemented with male survivors in mind. Likewise, Donnelly and Kenyon (1996) reported that mental health services were generally not available to sexually assaulted men. Iseley and Gehrenbeck-Shim (1997) found that the majority of male survivors who sought treatment did so from sexual abuse or rape crisis centers; however, only 15% of the 54 mental health centers surveyed reported having any contact with male victims.”

    Well, no doubt more than enough said. I run on and as I said, there really is little to no interest in all this except by a very, very few “out” male survivors. Sometimes, it just feels like volunteering to be branded with a red hot branding iron.

  16. That must feel bad to say, and it just isn’t helpful. Rather, WE want to see male survivors heal. And we are somebody. It has to start somewhere. And I know a lot of wives/partners/gf’s/bf’s of male survivors would like to see them heal, and … well, maybe feminists would care about them quicker than their husbands. Can’t say I’ve seen that much though. Some interesting questions there. Who is going to demand needed change?

  17. But look what we’re up against: Society itself.

    And so far, they haven’t budged no matter how loud we screamed.

    I wrote my play, it only did DECENT business.

    What’s it going to take.

    Allan: “well, maybe feminists would care about them quicker than their husbands.”

    Oh give me a break, Allan! Why play semantics here? Quicker than their husbands?

    If they had CARED from the start, they would’ve fought against biased laws like VAWA and the Duluth Model of domestic violence! They would’ve said to hard-edged bigots like Andrea Dworkin “That’s pure hatred and has no place in feminism”.

    If there’s one thing I hate the most is propping females up, pedastiizing them, as if they would automatically care deeper than men when neither individual is capable of apathy.

    I will not have it. Not as someone who was seriously hurt by them BOTH! The last thing I want is to have zero accountability for the women and girls who hurt boys and men, holding men and boys up as the majority prepetrators.

    Sorry, but I see a sentence like that and I fly into a rage.

  18. So, basically, nobody wants to see Male Survivors heal.

    I do not believe that. There are many people who want male survivors to heal. These things take time to change, and yet when they do change it is noticeable. Think back ten years. You did not see the level of support for male survivors that we see now. There would have been more articles and blog posts about why male survivors are a rarity than anyone citing the 1 in 6 statistic. There would have been far more Hugo Schwyzers and Barry Deutsches complaining about the attention than Abigail Rines writing about male survivors for a major publication.

    And part of the reason that happened, Eagle, is because people like you did not shut up when you were told to. You spoke out often enough and loud enough that others joined in and our culture as a whole had no choice but to take note. Granted, plenty of people still are not listening, but we have a lot of people’s ears.

  19. And I know a lot of wives/partners/gf’s/bf’s of male survivors would like to see them heal, and … well, maybe feminists would care about them quicker than their husbands.

    Allan, I am not sure about that. In my experience, much feminist concern for male survivors revolved around using those men to further the feminist argument against masculinity. It had little to do with the impact of the abuse on men and boys. This still seems to hold true for many feminists. Many of them assume that male survivors will reject masculinity and male norms, and essentially treat male survivors as if they liberal gay men.

  20. “Sorry, but I see a sentence like that and I fly into a rage.”

    Whoa! I think you misunderstood. I was suggested perhaps feminists would care about female partners of male survivors, and be moved to attend to this situation. When boys become men, all compassion seems to be lost. Though, as I’ve said, I haven’t seen any evidence of that.

    As for screaming… I don’t think there is anything like that going on. Well, on behalf of male survivors. FTSU not withstanding! There should be. I’m quite frustrated with men that when you suggest something really like protest, anger, confrontation in the face of rigid opposition, men and male survivors are in very large part quick to turn against you as “not healed”, “too angry”, “hurtful to women”, “extreme”. Even when your quite calm but insistent. Actually, nobody tells me I’m somehow “an angry person”. Actually, the opposite. But many “advocates for male survivors” just back down, and slink away in the face of being ignored, laughed at and attacked. They’re no advocates for anything. It’s bad for society.

    Men need to show up for these issues, even when they are not welcome, and end this totally one sided state of affairs. I’d agree, men need to hold women accountable when they are the powerful ones instead of automatically excusing their behavior.

  21. Toysoldier: And part of the reason that happened, Eagle, is because people like you did not shut up when you were told to. You spoke out often enough and loud enough that others joined in and our culture as a whole had no choice but to take note.

    If this were the case, my Speak To Me serial play would’ve been more successful than it was. It did good work but hardly shifted the tide, which was my intention when I wrote that damn thing in the first place.

    People complain about how it’s too slow. The reason behind it is this play has never been done before on this earth. Nothing even remotely comes close to the content (if anyone has other examples of female on male abuse plotlines in plays, let me know but I won’t hold my breath). I wanted to make everything count: all the misconceptions, myths, struggles that every male survivor goes through, I added in there along with my own experiences. It HAD to be big!

    I even sent the first part to Ginko at Genderratic. They promised to run it when I asked. But they didn’t.

    So the play just faded when I wanted it to leave its mark. That doesn’t sound like big success to me.

    Plus, it doesn’t help that I have to hold my breath everytime I read a story involving bullying in the hopes that the character was hurt by girls along with boys. When it’s only boy perpetrators, I just collapse in a heap while reading on. Where are stories, apart from my own, that have to do with girls bullying boys? Come on, I can’t be the only one out there.

  22. Sorry if I’m bitter.

    I’ve been reading Neil Gaiman’s latest book he wrote.

    Funny thing is, I had avoided doing this in the beginning because of an incident that shattered my pre-conceptions of him as a person.

    I own a twitter account (some of you know the name, likely) and advertise my Radio Plays from there. Not often, just the day before and the lead-in to the episode airing.

    Neil Gaiman was one of the people I followed on Twitter. I also follow Bjork as well, people I admire and who’s work saved my life so to speak when I was finding myself as a writer and a person.

    So they become a part of my advertising list. Now keep in mind, I don’t advertise everyday.

    Anyway, one day when I was doing another round of advertising, I find Neil Gaiman was no longer on my following list. Shocked, but reasoned it was a glitch, I went to his profile to re-activate the “Following” button.

    My heart shrank when a message labeled “You can’t follow because this person has blocked you.” appeared on screen.

    I was flabbergasted even when I suspected the motive. If it was about my advertisements, he could’ve sent me a notice to cease and desist. Why did he have to block me? My advertisements aren’t spam! To link them that way is insulting!

    So I wrote a letter to him. Very polite, courteous, direct. No insults, no name-calling. Just expressed an appreciation for his work before asking why he blocked me on

    That was a year ago. I hadn’t heard a response from him since.

    And my entire psyche went into a free-fall, taking my self-esteem with it. Someone who’s work inspired me so much to become a writer, that helped me find my voice, I…

    I’m…almost in tears as I write this.

    I came close to just tossing his books. But I kept them because it wouldn’t be right to cast off an artist’s entire magnetic portfolio. Even if, and I allege IF, he/she pulled off a questionable move.

    So here I am reading “The Ocean At The End Of The Lake” with all the associations in tact about what happened. How can I ever immerse myself in a world where the creator was not as I hoped or figured.

    PS: It’s not just Twitter. His profile is no longer on my list at Google. Gone.

    That’s why I’ve been feeling snarky as of late.

    This is off-topic but I had to let it out. Now I feel somewhat suicidal but I’m sure that’ll pass.

  23. Eagle, while I understand you put a lot of work into your play, you should not take it personally that it did not become a huge thing. Most plays struggle for an audience and for success. That does not mean that it was a personal dig at you. If the pacing is not working for the audience, maybe you should rework it. Everything does not need to be in it. Pick the things that are most important to you and focus on them. That might make it move better for an audience.

    As for Gaiman, I do not know why he blocked you. If you were sending out lots of tweets about the play, then he might have thought that you were spamming him. It is also possible, and probable, that he might not run his Twitter account. His publicist might do it. As for him not responding to your letter, keep in mind Gaiman does a lot of work and likely gets a lot of mail. There is a chance he has not even seen your letter.

    If you are feeling suicidal, you need to talk to someone. Follow the link and talk to someone about your problems, okay?

  24. Thanks Tamen. Just a quick scan seems to repeat all the points I just made concerning men seeking help for sexual victimization. Same ideology, same result.

    “These findings suggest that positive experiences may act as a protective factor against mental health problems and that the men may be traumatized or further traumatized by their negative experiences. ”

    This is the survey study I’d like to see for VAWA funded RAINN affiliates. I think it would show the same results.

  25. Jacob. If I where to write an op ed piece about envelopment, CDC numbers etc. and would want readers to end up at your blog but could not link to it, do you have any ideas how I could lead them here. I am thinking phrasings that if google searched would make your blog come up high or something like that.

  26. Allan: “Men need to show up for these issues, even when they are not welcome, and end this totally one sided state of affairs. I’d agree, men need to hold women accountable when they are the powerful ones instead of automatically excusing their behavior.”

    It’s more than “not welcome”. It’s career and social suicide to go against the tide. Imagine if you spoke out and lost your support circle that you counted on? What then? You think it’s easy to fight things on your own, one against society? Everyone needs a support circle and even their own family to vouch for them.

    Why put all the onus squarely on men to show up for these issues? What about the other half that cares about them (women)? it certainly would encourage men more if the women that cared did their part equally.

    Don’t forget women are equally culpable for romanticizing their own gender above all else. That’s why I emphasize “Society” all the time.

  27. Actually, toysoldier, I’m not going to be crying croicdile tears anymore over Neil Gaiman.

    I’ve finished reading The Ocean At The End Of The Lake. While the story was enjoyable, Neil Gaiman is still a two-bit sexist masquerading as a non-discriminatory writer.

    Exhibit A:

    ‘”Is it just the three of you?” I asked “Aren’t there any men?’

    ‘”Men!” hooted Old Mrs. Hempstock. ” I dunno what blessed good a man would be! Nothing a man could do around this farm that I can’t do twice as fast and five times as well!”

    Exhibit B:

    “‘She didn’t have a daddy?” I asked”‘
    “‘Did you have a daddy?”
    “You’re all questions aren’t you? No, love. We never went for that sort of thing. You only need men if you want to breed more men.”

    Look, Neil, I get it. You prefer writing female characters compared to male ones. Fine.

    But that doesn’t change the fact you are an ignorant sexist. Did your really think this would enhance the story? Only in your pea brain mind!

    And to think I actually left a comment of support on his facebook page. Well that cinches it. He’s not getting a dime anymore from me nor a shred of good word of mouth.

  28. Abigail Rine have written another in my view pretty good article – this time on sexual abuse of boys. If you’re still reading comments here Abigail: thanks.

    Here is a paragraph which is just about verbatim something I could’ve written:

    Many feminists have written, particularly in the wake of Steubenville, of the need to teach boys the importance of consent. I agree – but I think we must begin by teaching them the importance of their own consent, and the sacredness of their own bodies, and to empower them to speak out if anyone, anyone, ever violates that.

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