“One man’s sexual assault is another man’s sexual fantasy come true”

Originally posted on April 9, 2013

“Sexual assault, you say? Lucky guy others say, nudge-nudge, a fivesome and didn’t even have to pay for it.”

Rosie DiManno of The Star wrote that in response to a recent gang rape of a young man. According to reports, four women offered a 19-year-old young man a ride home after they left a club. The women, reportedly all in their 30s, instead took turns sexually assaulting the young man in a parking lot. They then drove off in a Honda SUV.

That is a fairly straightforward report. Here is how DiManno put it:

They could be sex molls or sex maulers.

Definitely on the chubby side, though: described as around 190 to 200 pounds and five-foot-four.

Last seen teetering around in high heels and short black dresses — typical clubbing attire — their estimated age 30 to 36, so not cougars on the prowl.

A quartet of ladies, wanted in connection with the sexual assault of a 19-year-old male.

What the women are alleged to have done to this young man is unclear and won’t be clarified unless, perhaps, the incident ever comes to trial. The victim has declined to be interviewed, in a Star request relayed by Toronto police.

Yet again we’re confronted by a purported crime of sexual violation couched in unhelpful language because the Criminal Code no longer includes those details, won’t even draw a distinction between a grope and rape. Sexual assault is defined as “not limited’’ to kissing, grabbing, oral sex and penetration.

A news release issued by police doesn’t specify whether this event would be classified as sexual assault 1, 2, or 3, which is the spectrum range for severity. It sounds like sexual assault 1, however, because there was no weapon used and the victim does not appear to have suffered significant bodily harm.

Of course, one man’s sexual assault is another man’s sexual fantasy come true.

DiManno states that “sexual assault is no laughing matter” and that she is “writing this column with a straight face”, yet that is hard to believe when she writes things like:

These clubbing vamps are a bizarre anomaly, pack hunters in their getaway SUV — Thelma and Louise and Tiffany and Debi, four white chicks who may have gang-groped or otherwise molested a teenager because they didn’t have the balls to pick on, or pick up, a man their own age.

Wanted: Bad girls in black minidresses and stilettos, approach with caution.

This report stands in impressive contrast to how gang rapes against women are reported and treated in the media. One does not see this level of tongue-in-cheek humor over the assault of a woman or girl. It is unlikely that any news organization would run something like this about a female victim.

DiManno has a point that the other article about the case does not specify the nature of the charges. That can allow anyone to speculate about what happened, although it seems unlikely that four women would kidnap someone just to take turns groping him. This is likely a case of forced intercourse, commonly known as rape.

The bigger issue is that DiManno falls back on the old “all men want sex” trope in order to mock this young man for reporting the assault. She implies that people should suspect the veracity of the young man’s claim because he did not report the assault immediately.

Perhaps the reason he waited to report the assault is because he did not think anyone would believe him.

It is sickening to see a columnist mocking an abuse victim while claiming not to treat sexual violence as a joke. This kind of thing is precisely why so many male survivors remain silent. When this is the kind of response you will get, one can understand why some men and boys would want to avoid it.

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24 thoughts on ““One man’s sexual assault is another man’s sexual fantasy come true”

  1. Toysoldier: “It is sickening to see a columnist mocking an abuse victim while claiming not to treat sexual violence as a joke.”

    Come on, Toysoldier, seriously?

    Everybody and their grandmother have been mocking this guy from media outlets to commentary sections on online news columns. He’s been easy pickings for these people from day one.

    It should’nt surprise me by now but I’ve come to the conclusion that human beings are parasitic pieces of shit what with the way they’ve been treating him. Pieces of shit, period!

    They extend all kinds of sympathy for female victims, but should a male fall into the same predicament, out come their inner court jester and ignorant bigotry.

    Fuck human beings.

  2. Is it just me, or does saying you’re writing with a straight face only draw attention to the fact that you’re not? And why isn’t it possible for men to want sex and ALSO not want to be violated?

  3. You should post a link to Rosie DiManno’s bosses, so those of us who are offended can express our opinion directly to them. The fact is they would fire a man who would dare to write the same kind of sarcastic innuendo about a female gang rape victim.

    She should be diciplined or fired same as a man. Otherwise they can explain their hypocritical double standard.

  4. @ inkomazi: “Is it just me, or does saying you’re writing with a straight face only draw attention to the fact that you’re not?”

    It’s like the recent article here at TS. I’ll paraphrase, “misandry doesn’t exist, but if it did, it’s men’s fault for saying it does.”

    Makes me wonder how they can actually say stuff like that with a straight face, or even think it with a sane mind.

  5. I’ve already made my disgust at DiManno known elsewhere – and I do wonder about there being a God! I was trying to remember a quote and where it came from and then the book falls open at the right page:

    “Whilst there are reasons why feminists limit discussion on the subject of women abusers, these reasons are valid only to feminism.” – http://goo.gl/K7XXa

    It’s clear that Rosie DiManno can’t do her job in a professional way when her feminism gets in the way. … and the issue of such bias has been in print since 1992.

  6. As the Toronto Star says “Rosie DiManno is one of the Star’s best and most prolific writers.”

    Yeap. This is proof enough for why men stay silent. And proof that virtually nobody cares.
    At. All.

    Least of all feminists and “advocates”. Though, less than zero is still zero.

  7. Archy – I thought before that Rosie DiManno was bigoted – but actually my thinking is now more to shock jock and no control…. Narcissist. I’m known for having a Strong Stomache, but even I was left queasy by the content from MSN…. and then they had a link to the original source.

    I am used to seeing contentious and disturbed net content vanish, so I fully expected to have to dig in dusty places to verify – cos no one in their right mind would say of a woman raped on an operating table “She lost a womb but gained a penis.”, and then leave it there in public when people have started to puke…

    But – it’s still there from Fri Jan 18 2013 – http://www.webcitation.org/6FkxV498f

    Pass a Sick bag will you? In fact make it two!

  8. Sherlock, are you surprised by Rosenberg’s comments? She is hardly the first feminist to find it empowering when women beat, threaten, or rape men.

  9. James, I posted your article to MensRights subreddit.

    Rosenberg is just as twisted as deManno is, and the worst part is there isn’t a whiff of actual malice from Rosenberg, just bland a sociopathically complete lack of empathy or any understanding.

  10. So… Rosenberg is going on my list of “feminists” who are really the anti-thesis of feminism.

  11. I’m not aware of The Star, so I had to look at their website to get a feel of what sort of paper it is. I was expecting mere tabloid sensationalist fodder, but it appears to be a left-of-centre broadsheet, so I’m very shocked by this piece by DiManno.

    In the course of looking around, I saw this by their ‘public editor’ defending DiManno’s past transgression to do with the anaesthesiologist story’s crass opening line:

    I think DiManno’s writing overall shows sensitivity and empathy for victims of horrific crimes.

    Those are words that ought to come back to haunt them.

  12. Those are words that identify a Dysfunctional Institution where staff are unfettered due to management being unfettered. The words will not come back to haunt them – but the conduct that as allowed by the unfettered mindset will haunt many who are damaged by such people. I was not surprised that the victim declined any invitation to be interviewed.

  13. Eagle35: Not everyone has been making fun of the victim. I listen to Metro Morning on CBC Radio 1, the number 1 morning show in Toronto, and the on-air personalities were expressing their disgust about Rosie Dimanno’s column.

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  15. @Ivriniel – is there an on-line recording, podcast, anything that means the content can be checked.

    I’m archiving media responses to events as part of some personal research so it would be useful for me. Cheers.

  16. I’ve written my own open letter to RD and TST, and got a form letter response back. I know it’s a form letter, because several other people who have written in have received the exact same canned response. Not surprising, necessarily, but still infuriating.

  17. Damselindetech, a form letter in response is infuriating but don’t underestimate the effect your letter had. Maybe they are sending form letters out because they can’t keep up with the flow of furious letters and emails they are getting, and your letter was part of that flood.

  18. To update you, they posted letters of response in the Editorial section, without a lead-in from the main Editorial page tying it to the original article. Basically, they buried it and did the absolute minimum of cherry-picking responses (they only took a single paragraph from one of my two letters to them) in a weak attempt to placate and shut-up their audience.

    http://www.thestar.com/opinion/editorials/2013/04/13/sex_assault_double_standard.html

  19. Oh, and did I mention the photo attached to the article is of a woman looking depressed/ forlorn? Good luck to anyone digging through the site for a follow-up on an article about a male survivor of sexual violence, because The Toronto Star sure isn’t making it easy.

  20. Pingback: Top Posts of 2013 | Toy Soldiers

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