The Good Men Project ran an article blaming male victims

Given the feminist spin on the Good Men Project, it was only a matter of time before the editors ran an article victim blaming men for the abuse they suffer. One could argue they have done it before. They ran plenty of articles written by Hugo Schwyzer and Jamie Utt that tacitly excuse and deny male victimization. However, I cannot recall anything as pernicious as author Talisa’s When Girls Attack.

I will spare readers the extra click and post the entire article here (that way if anyone at GMP grows a conscience and decides to remove the piece they cannot pretend it did not exist):

She may scream, punch, take advantage or just quietly manipulate you.

The stereotype may be used against you by being told to provide or take care of needs; making you feel guilty, ashamed and less of a man—but please don’t feel this way.

It may have nothing to do with you or maybe you did do something to provoke; either way how do you handle the attack?

If the ‘attack’ on you is a once-off behavior there may be something deeper going on resulting in this. In this instance it might be best to leave the situation in the heat of the moment and try coming back at a calmer time to talk it out—this conversation can be started by simply asking how everything is going.

However, if an inappropriate behavior is continually received you have to handle it. We are adults and whilst we don’t always act our best, mature conversations when things are not quite right is the outcome we need to strive for, whether it is in the workplace, home or a social setting.

Manipulative or snide comment behavior needs to be confronted with a calm approach. Find an appropriate setting, maybe invite the other out for a coffee or the like, and simply bring up the behavior, how it isn’t acceptable and ask ‘how can ‘we’ work this out?’ This approach, whilst often difficult is one of the best deflators.

Unfortunately sometimes the other party isn’t willing to move towards a mature attitude. In that instance it is best to remove yourself from this association as much as possible when you have made reasonable attempts to work it out. If someone doesn’t have your best interest at heart than it isn’t healthy to continue to let him or her be an influence in your life, as we are all influenced by those around us.

And this is hard, walking away always is because there were good reasons you walked into it. But that is part of being a good man, knowing when to walk away at a mature time, not letting it get to a point that grinds you down, as this is when regrettable behaviors come out.

Remain calm, take moments to keep you together and mentally prepare yourself for these hard talks. As even when the mud is slung, you need to be prepared to be the one to show compassions, care and maturity.

Often bad behavior can gain momentum with others and you need to be able to hold strong to your mature approach even when it is not visible to others, especially then, keep strong.

But in your humanness, if you do falter in this you need to acknowledge it. Apologies are in order no matter hard you may find them. You need to acknowledge when your behavior isn’t at its best, confirm you know this and are working on it, and try to explore the trigger so both parties can better understand and prevent this next time.

There is such strength in acknowledgment and acceptance, this paves the way for growth; it almost always ensures it.

Don’t starve the world of your growth and the gentleman inside you—don’t run or fight back from situations where possible. We don’t need any more immaturity, we need wisdom, and a gentle touch, and if need be, we need to move on from things that may no longer serve us.

It does not matter what type of fair reading one tries, there is no other way to read the above article as anything more than excusing abuse and blaming the victim. It is disgusting and offensive to call men’s attempt to defend themselves or run away from an abusive situation “immaturity.” It is beyond the pale to to suggest that abuse victims should apologize to their abusers when their “behavior isn’t at its best.”

Do I even need to ask whether GMP’s editors would have run this article had the sexes been reversed? Would they have even entertained it?

There are a few things the editors revealed by running this article:

  1. They have no compassion for male survivors of abuse. No one who cares even one iota about abused men would run such an article.
  2. The feminist spin on the site has gotten out of hand. This is the sort of article one would expect to see on Slate, Salon, Feministing, Jezebel, or the Raw Story.
  3. The editors must be desperate for traffic. Make no mistake, while it is likely that the editors who chose to run the article do think very little of male survivors, it is also likely that they knew the heat the article would receive.

None of that makes the article any less reprehensible. It is still an embarrassment. To anyone who supports GMP, keep in mind that above is what you are supporting.

35 thoughts on “The Good Men Project ran an article blaming male victims

  1. Let me get this straight: a “good man” is one who stands above the abusive woman in his life and responds to all situations of female domestic violence with “maturity?” i.e. Man-up and walk away from your house and kids.

    Those silly men. Don’t they realize the gist of their article is women are out of control, so therefore men need to be, you know… in control? It also sounds like abuse from women is the norm, to be expected… so take it like a man.

    Those silly men sound just like women. At least feminist women.

  2. I disagree that it should be taken down, but some form of feedback or formal apology would be a good idea.

    They should leave it up though – the last thing that bloody place needs is even less transparency ಠ_ಠ

  3. They’ll take it down when they have to start censoring too many comments. So much for “feminist” transparency.

    Has anyone considered the unmitigated gall, the arrogance and the narcissism of a group of women defining what a “good man” is to begin with? And didn’t these sites start as a reaction to the success of online men’s forums?

    Glad I don’t bother with that crap anymore. They can’t compete with AVFM.

  4. I thought she was writing about little girls, 5 years old throwing tantrums at daddy or something. But it fits. Anyway….

    “They have no compassion for male survivors of abuse.”

    Exactly. A few male survivors have gotten suckered into writing there, and they get a very few comments, by a few other male survivors. Otherwise, it’s crickets.

  5. The comments that he should call the police are telling.

    I’ve heard more than one man who got arrested doing that without feminist predominant aggressor laws. Once, even when he was the one with wounds. The site’s a set-up to further abuse men, much like feminism. It’s sad to see guys fall for it. And the ones who keep coming back for more? IDK. Damaged.

  6. I don’t think this article is addressed to men.

    This is nothing short of a fairy tale addressed to women: “No matter how damaged and f*cked up you are, little princess, this is the kind of totally unrealistic prince that you deserve. You deserve a mature man completely in control of himself who puts his own interests far behind in order to help YOU and rescue your partnership. You don’t have to take any responsibility, but he shoud shoulder all of it. And he will unless you make it all too hard for him.”

    The usual feminist drivel, only regarding a new (A woman who is not an angel, not morally superior to every man) topic, which makes it so much sicker than before.

  7. Well, it seems they’ve gone with the intellectually dishonest approach and deleted the page entirely, unless it’s just me.


  8. Interestingly, it appears the piece was removed from the GMP site. I wonder why?

  9. Sigh. I know I’m preaching to the choir, but…

    “And this is hard, walking away always is because there were good reasons you walked into it. But that is part of being a good man, knowing when to walk away at a mature time, not letting it get to a point that grinds you down, as this is when regrettable behaviors come out.”

    Hmmm… I thought leaving an abusive relationship was physically and mentally impossible? Didn’t feminists create en entire industry of crappy expert to say those very things in court to exonerate violent women?

    “But in your humanness, if you do falter in this you need to acknowledge it. Apologies are in order no matter hard you may find them. You need to acknowledge when your behavior isn’t at its best, confirm you know this and are working on it, and try to explore the trigger so both parties can better understand and prevent this next time.”

    That’s odd… I thought that it was wrong to expect a specific reaction from a victim of violence, and that the feelings of a person on the receiving end of an injustice had to be respected, whatever they were.

    Shows how much I know, huh.

  10. The article appears to have been removed. Will we, perhaps, see any kind of explanation as to the author’s intent with her article? Or even any kind of apology for any misunderstandings, real or imagined?

    I doubt it. That would require intellectual honesty.

  11. “I doubt it. That would require intellectual honesty.”

    Don’t forget accountability, Jax. It’s in short supply over there.

  12. Anyway, the article can be found here temporarily.

    I’ll also post my comment in response to the article:

    “I have to add to what Amy Glass said.|

    OP, you’re essentially telling a male on the receiving end of violence from a woman to remain calm and think it through.

    This translates into: Become a punching bag.

    How does a man remain calm and assess the situation while he’s getting pummeled left and right by fists and scratched like a scratching post by finger-nails? Heck, if he’s getting his testicles squeezed or kicked?

    And what if it escalates beyond? Where the woman involves frying pans, rolling pins, knives, baseball bats, and even a gun?

    I think remaining calm and considerate at that point is no longer feasible. A woman steps beyond boundaries where a life is at stake, the victim has the right to defend himself by any means necessary. If that involves physical retaliation, then well desperate times call for desperate measures as they say.

    We shouldn’t be stealing an individual’s ability to defend himself and restrict him to simply walking away and calling the police. There will be situations where those aren’t an option. Police also don”t magically appear at the touch of a button as well. What’s the victim going to do while waiting for the police to arrive and the woman has him fearing for his safety?”

    This is what’s offensive about the article. To assume that diplomatic solutions and walking away will work when it escalates to life-threatening violence.

    Also, she also failed to mention that calling the police will only get the abusive woman to say “He raped me” or “He hurt me!”. That’s all it takes for the solution to fall flat on its face.

  13. Let’s see now, GMP’s big feminist turns out to be an abusive lout and now I hear Jessica Valenti is “bathing in [Robin Williams] tears.”

    Maybe it’s time to ignore them. They are simply goading angry arguments for entertainment.

    Great link Dan, a real eye opener. Maternal child abuse is the Achilles Heel of the feminist movement.

  14. I commented on the post yesterday and was checking up on further comments this morning when I too noted that the article had been removed. I believe I was the 13th commentor and every single comment before me was virulently opposed to the absolute drivel that had been posted on the site. I am a sworn enemy of their mission over at GMP to feminize men and male behaviors. Their attempts to pathologize what it means to be a man is nothing short of repulsive, especially to me as a father of a son. I really wish we could make this as major a news story as the incident just a few weeks ago. Her words were almost verbatim the same as the sportscasters words, using “provoke” as an explanation and justification for female violence against men. We all saw what happened to him. Will she face any repercussions? (Yes that was a rhetorical question.) But even more frightening than the double standard that it reveals, it’s the deeply embedded notion that men are always guilty. That an author, especially a female author, could be so tone deaf to recent events to use almost exactly the same words as the man who was crucified for using them suggests nothing short of absolute total and unequivocal ideological brainwashing. Absolutely completely blind to any connection with reality. Terrifying!!!!

  15. Just checked out that article Eagle. Another reason I don’t bother with the site anymore. I have to admit, I really like AVFM. The rhetoric has toned down from a few years ago. The Detroit Conference was great, check it out on U-Tube. And people are actually listening to them because they have so many really great women actively involved.

    See how women dominate social discourse?

  16. Yeah, it’s true.

    People say A Voice For Men is too extreme to them?

    Well, they are looking more appealing the more mainstream magazines like TGMP pull this shit.

  17. The editors at the Good Men Project decided that the best move to make after posting an article blaming men for their abuse was to post an article blaming men for abuse against women? No…

  18. Peterman: I think we’ve all had that happen. C’mon, selective comment posting? That’s worse than manboobz. He just bans you, at least he doesn’t cherry pick comments. That’s ridicules.

    Another good thing about AVFM, they don’t censor comments. I firmly believe if the GMP, feministing were group ignored, the energy from people like us, that is postured to be defensive and thus often mocked or censored on those sites, might go into finding and participating in proactive solutions on a site like AVFM.

  19. >We are adults
    >But that is part of being a good man,

    Caught ya slippin’!

    >don’t run or fight back from situations where possible. We don’t need any more immaturity,

    Right, so adults/gentlemen shouldn’t defend themselves from assault. Got it.

    @ spinnaker:
    >That’s worse than manboobz. He just bans you, at least he doesn’t cherry pick comments.

    Oh, so Futrelle’s stopped letting his commenters dogpile dissenting voices?

  20. SYABN: Manboobz is still up to his old dogpiling tricks but he doesn’t “moderate” comments. I was dogpiled on a thread of his a couple years ago and never went back because of the futility. That was until a couple weeks ago when I brought up a positive review he wrote about a film that fits the legal definition of child pornography. THAT’S when I was banned. And within a few comments. I also made a snide remark that from the photo of him, Futrelle actually looks like he HAS man-boobs. His sycophants called me “fat shaming” too and demanded my banishment.

    For those who make a living “mocking” other people, Futrelle and his ilk have some pretty thin skin.

  21. Wait, so he had a site with a name that implied that misogynists were fat neckbeards for three years, to the point of having a “neckbeard rights” tag, and has accused MRAs of everything from pedophilia to supporting terrorism, yet when someone makes a point about his weight, it’s out of line.

    Yep, that’s about the level of consistency I expect from him.

  22. @Rev. Has AVFM changed its ways?

    I had a little discussion with Elam years ago and he didn’t like my choice of words and then banned me, lol. I think most from both groups are pretty thin skinned for sure.

  23. Wow, banned from AVFM? Are you sure it was your choice of words and not what those words were actually saying? Elam could be pretty coarse himself and the comments were often a free-for-all. I’d love to hear what you said that riled him so much.

    While still anti-feminist, they don’t seem to rely on bombastic statements to get attention like they did a few years back. I think it finally dawned on them that they weren’t making viable arguments or even criticism if they sank to the same level of name-calling as their feminist adversaries. That and the addition of some really good female writers and editors. Then people started listening.

    While I consider myself a children’s rights advocate, the MRM seems to be the only organized group to address the huge issue of child abuse. Most is maternal and that reality flies in the face of “patriarchy theory.” Check-out Erin Pizzey and Stefan Molyneux at the Detroit Conference. You won’t hear anything like them at a N.O.W. Conference…EVER!

  24. I see GreatMisandryProject has stepped up the feminist indoctrination to top gear in the last 24hrs

  25. RevSpinnaker – AVFM had to ramp up the rhetoric as it was the only way to be heard a few years ago – 40 years out in the wilderness tends to do that…

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