A Dose of Stupid v129 part 1

It happens every day. In fact, it is pretty hard to avoid it. There are some things that can only be understood with a slap on the forehead. Things so mind-boggling that one wonders how humans managed to evolve thumbs while being this mentally inept.

Case in point:

7 Reasons So Many Guys Don’t Understand Sexual Consent

Obviously the above Cracked article will not be full of lies, misrepresentations, and conspiracy theories. Let us allow author David Wong explain why “so many guys” do not understand sexual consent. Wong’s premise:

The following sentence applies regardless of when you read this: A famous man has recently been accused of doing sexual things to a woman (or many women) without consent.

He means Donald Trump, yet for some reason chooses to avoid stating that as if no one would know of whom he speaks.

Well, here’s something you should know: I was taught from birth that this behavior is exactly what women want.

That Wong’s parents failed to instill into him basic morals and ethics speaks volumes about them. It says nothing about the rest of society.

However, I doubt that was the actual message Wong was taught. I suspect the actual message was that women will play hard to get. They will feign disinterest, and men who wish to pursue them will need to be more overt in their efforts in order to gain the woman’s consent. There is evidence suggesting that this proves beneficial to women looking for partners:

“Women derive more benefit from playing hard-to-get because it allows them to test men out and increase the demand men place on them,” says study author Peter Jonason, PhD, an assistant professor of psychology at the University of Western Sydney in Australia.

“Because women have greater value in the biological mating market, they can afford to play hard-to-get more than men can,” he explains. “Men who are too hard-to-get may miss out on a mating opportunity.”

A second study found that men prefer women who are harder to get:

The study also found that for a committed romantic relationship, women preferred a man who was medium in availability (not too easy or too hard-to-get) while guys preferred a gal with low availability (harder to get).

The likely reason is that a woman who is harder to get is choosier with her partners, and therefore more likely to remain in a relationship once she has made her choice. She may also be someone who has had fewer partners and therefore be less likely to have children already. These are factors some men consider before choosing a long-term partner.

Wong, however, has a different explanation, starting with:

“Forcing Yourself On Women Makes Them Love You”

All right, so here’s the first lesson I got on sexual consent. I was six years old. My hero and lifelong role model, Han Solo, approaches a woman who has told him at every opportunity that she’s not interested. Han comes up from behind and presses his body against hers. She’s a strong woman, a fighter, so she physically shoves him off …

Undeterred, Han moves back in, grabs her hands, and starts rubbing them. She says, “Stop that,” and looks nervous. When he doesn’t stop, she clearly says it again. He still doesn’t stop. Romantic music plays …

This exchange follows:

Han: What are you afraid of?

Leia: Afraid?

Han: You’re trembling.

Leia: I’m not trembling.

Han: You like me because I’m a scoundrel. There aren’t enough scoundrels in your life.

Leia: I happen to like nice men.

Han: I’m a nice man.

Leia: No you’re not. You’re …

And he kisses her. Note: Her head is pressed up against a metal wall …

No, that is not what happens. We know this because we can watch the 36-year-old footage:

From the beginning of Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back, Han and Leia clearly love each other. They argue about it at the start of the film, which what leads to the above scene. Leia loves Han, but she will not admit it. Han loves Leia, but he will not say it flat out. That leads to one of the best scenes in Star Wars history:

To lie about Han and Leia’s romance, edit the conversation to cut out all the playful banter, and play it off as Han being a predator is not just dishonest; it is embarrassing.

We have the film. We have had it for 40 years. We know from the context of the scene that Leia is not resisting Han or refusing consent. She is denying her clear feelings for him.

So Wong establishes that he does not know the first thing about sexual consent, which he admits:

Hi, I’m David Wong, and I’ve been conducting a 40-year experiment on men’s toxic attitudes toward women, mainly by living my life with lots of them swishing around inside my skull.

Thank you for sharing.

Let us continue. Wong complains about Leia’s slave girl outfit, claiming:

The fantasy isn’t that she’s showing skin; the fantasy is that she didn’t choose to wear that.

No, it is not. It is that Leia looks sexy in the outfit. That is about as far as it goes.

She’s a princess, she’s regal, she’s a noble warrior … and now we’re going to masturbate to her wearing a humiliating, skimpy costume that she was forced to put on, presumably under the threat of death by rancor.

The context of why she is wearing the outfit has nothing to do with finding her attractive. She could have worn the outfit from the start of the film. It could have been her undergarments. The point is that she looks attractive, which is why that particular outfit appealed to barely pubescent boys. Trying to find something nefarious in the attraction because of the film’s context is ridiculous. She looks beautiful. It is that simple.

Of course, Wong cannot leave it at that. He then turns to James Bond and accuses Bond of raping Pussy Galore. He makes this claim despite the pair spending a substantial amount of screen time flirting with each other. Wong even links to a clip of the scene, so that people can watch in context Galore flirt/spar with Bond before he kisses her, at the end which we see Galore clearly going along with it. This is the Bond motif. Bond charms dangerous women into having sex with him. He did not rape her unless we are to take his initial kiss as rape.

The one example Wong presents that I will grant comes across as rape is this:

In Blade Runner (1982), he slams a woman (or female replicant) against a wall after she tries to leave, and then forces her to say “Kiss me.” She acts terrified, right up until they start having sex.

Even some of the people involved in setting up the shot (as seen in the documentary Dangerous Days) did not like this version of the scene. There were different takes on the scene, some more violent and others more seductive. The context is that Rachel does not know whether her feelings for Deckard are her own because she has implanted memories. She is therefore hesitant to act on her sexual interest. In the film, Deckard forces her to stay and makes her tell him to kiss her and say that she wants it. Again, that definitely comes across as rape, even though the context is that he only tries to get her to admit what she feels.

As it were, I do not like the scene because of that. It starts off fine, but that moment where it turns into rape is a complete turn off.

That is a lot of nonsense for point. On to point number six:

“Asking Permission Is A Sign Of Weakness”

See, I was told that the ones who held back until they had permission were the pussies, the cowards, the nerds.

That was told to me both by people in my life and by lots of the movies and shows I saw back then. Here’s a screencap from one sitcom from back in the day of a girl saying, “There’s nothing less sexy than a dude asking if he can kiss you.”

It is not that it is seen as a sign of weakness. It is that it is seen as a sign of insecurity by women. Wong argues that male writers put those words into the actress’s mouth, yet by his own admission Wong heard this from other people, many of whom are likely female. At that point, he should listen.

Women appear to prefer dominant men. This does not mean they want men who will assault them. They simply prefer men who will take the initiative. It is seen as proof of women’s desirability and men’s confidence. If it is unwanted, the woman will say so. If it is wanted, she may play coy and then give in or shove her tongue down the man’s throat.

Point five:

“Women Like To Be Pursued, And Thus Always Play ‘Hard To Get'”

If you went back and found me at the age when I realized I knew absolutely everything — 20 — and asked me to explain gender roles, here’s what I’d have told you:

In this modern world, the quality of a woman’s life is overwhelmingly dependent on what kind of man she can attract — a woman married to a capable man is simply going to have a higher standard of living, period. Her self-worth is thus based largely on how desirable she is to men, and on how many men are pursuing her at any given moment. The need for more suitors is due to the law of supply and demand. It is to her advantage to create competition by tempting as many men as possible, then making it difficult for any single one to gain her attention.

Thus, women gain power through rejecting men, and those rejections have nothing to do with how they truly feel.

Yes, that appears to be the case. I already linked to the study, but let us look at it again:

“Women derive more benefit from playing hard-to-get because it allows them to test men out and increase the demand men place on them,” says study author Peter Jonason, PhD, an assistant professor of psychology at the University of Western Sydney in Australia.

“Because women have greater value in the biological mating market, they can afford to play hard-to-get more than men can,” he explains. “Men who are too hard-to-get may miss out on a mating opportunity.”

I can understand why Wong would like that not to be the situation. It appears he might have some difficulty navigating such a scenario. However, that does not change that women have a greater number of potential partners to choose from, and as a result are more likely to be picky with whom they begin relations as a result. They can take their time because they are in such high demand.

That had nothing to do with men failing to understand consent. What it means is that if a man wants to get women’s attention and have a better chance at keeping it, he will have to make the first move, be it calling her, approaching her, or kissing her. It also means that he probably should not take the first, second, or even third “no” as definite. Some women say “no” just to see if the men will give up.

That is the nature of the situation. I agree it is unfair and confusing, yet I doubt that many men are so confused to not understand the difference between a woman playing hard to get and not having her consent.

Continued in part 2

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11 thoughts on “A Dose of Stupid v129 part 1

  1. Ok so what you’re saying is that you don’t understand the article. Too big of a concept, I guess. Maybe google “rape culture for idiots” babes.

  2. Couple of thoughts on this one:

    1. I like Cracked. I like David Wong. It’s a comedy site and I find 70% of their articles to be funny. But more than any other media outlet they are opposed to men’s rights for … reasons. It isn’t even feminist, it is just anti-MRA based on inaccurate assertions about what MRA’s believe, want, and are. The damage they are doing is tremendous and I wish they would stick to comedy.

    2. The problem is the premise. The article is thinking past the sale on the notion that men, as a gender, don’t understand consent. This is a baseless stereotype, and it needs to be called out rather than reinforced. Wong could be spot on with all seven points and it would still be stupid and offensive because none of them address or even acknowledge the existence of female perpetrators and apologists.

    3. I do think he makes a good point about Han Solo. Leia wasn’t consenting and that probably sends the wrong message to kids. But at least Han Solo was supposed to be a bit of a jerk. If I can explain to my kids that he is wrong for shooting Greedo, etc., I can probably handle explaining why the character is mistreating Leia. But what I can’t explain is why Leia herself kisses Luke four different times in the prequels and in all four cases Luke doesn’t appear to consent. She’s not an anti-hero, the message is apparently just that it is okay to do that as long as you are a girl.

  3. Forget Wong, he is little more than a closet misogynist. He even admits it straight off the bat, so he can be discarded and ignored without even bothering to listen to him or read what his worthless articles have to say.

    Cracked is a cesspit anyway, full of eagleland garbage about how Murca is ‘so great and so can you please hate the Brits instead of us’. Seriously, I came across some article another guy wrote how he was so upset at the US being slagged off, and his “spirited defence” was to start insulting us Brits to make his worthless carcass feel better. What kind of defence is that?

  4. Yes, Dana, tell us more about “rape culture” in which rape is both legal and glorified.

  5. Pingback: A Dose of Stupid v129 part 2 | Toy Soldiers

  6. Dana:

    Ok so what you’re saying is that you don’t understand the article.

    I understood the article quite well. It is another pandering piece of nonsensical propaganda designed to appeal to sexist bigots who think all men are rapists.

    Too big of a concept, I guess.

    I consider it to be a rather small, poorly defined, intellectually dishonest dishonest concept. It is not difficult to understand, although reading about it does make it feel as if I getting dumber the further on I read.

    Maybe google “rape culture for idiots” babes.

    I will set aside the absurdity of you telling me, a person experienced sexual violence for the first fourteen years of my life, that I need to learn more about “rape culture”.

    I did as you suggested, however, and this is what a I found: a likely fictional account of bullying that had nothing to do with sexual violence, a bizarre comparison of rape with stealing someone’s sandwich, and a list of the typical propagandized nonsense presented in its usual snarky, intellectually dishonest fashion.

    If this is really the best feminists can offer, how can anyone be surprised that people would reject the theory?

  7. Peter: ” If I can explain to my kids that he is wrong for shooting Greedo”

    Why was it wrong?

    Greedo was a bounty hunter hired by Jabba The Hut to extort money Han owed and if Han refused to comply, Greedo would shoot him. Han couldn’t pay him yet but promised he would. That wasn’t enough to convince Greedo. So with a blaster pointed at Han, what other option did he have apart from self-preservation? (and no, even George Lucas’s special effects trickery is enough to convince me Han would’ve been able to dodge a laser at close, point-blank range in an enclosed bar room)

  8. Eagle38-

    It is wrong because violence is wrong. A Jedi would not have shot Greedo, they would have used the force to disarm him or something.

    Granted, this is very ham-handed way to think about morality, but that’s Star Wars. The “good” guys are virgin monks who have literally achieved oneness with the universe (which they single-handedly save). The “bad” guy blows up an entire planet ten minutes in. Han Solo was supposed to be “flawed”, they couldn’t just give him a drinking problem or something, they had to go over the top with it. So they made him a smuggler who hangs out with gangsters, casually kills people and commits minor sexual assault. In a more subtle or realistic film Han Solo’s shortcomings could have qualified him as an outright villain.

  9. first of all what are your ( toysoldier) thoughts on the claim that asking a girl out more than once makes someone a creep who doesnt respect women. second of all have you watched the show rwby

  10. first of all what are your ( toysoldier) thoughts on the claim that asking a girl out more than once makes someone a creep who doesnt respect women.

    I think it depends on the way it is done. If the person is hounding her and constantly asking in an aggressive way, I would call that disrespectful. If he repeatedly asks over time and it not pushy, I do not see this as wrong. He is trying to change her mind.

    second of all have you watched the show rwby

    I am not familiar with that show.

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