It happens every day. In fact, it is pretty hard to avoid it. There are some things that can only be understood with a slap on the forehead. Things so mind-boggling that one wonders how humans managed to evolve thumbs while being this mentally inept.
Case in point:
7 Reasons So Many Guys Don’t Understand Sexual Consent (see part 1)
Point number four:
“Everything Women Do Is Intended To Stoke Male Hunger”
Wong describes becoming infatuated with women in bikinis due to a Sports Illustrated magazine. He goes on to state:
So after having lived my entire life with the clear understanding that this is an outfit women wear to make men want to ejaculate, what thoughts do you think went through my dumb young mind when I went to the beach and saw real women wearing the same? Do you think I was able to see them as humans instead of coy manipulators?
Wong should have been, however, it appears that his parents failed to teach him to see beyond what a person wears (or does not wear). Again, that is their failing, not society.
And I am certain that all those teenage girls who grew up reading Tiger Beat, which featured shirtless, speedo and swim trunks-wrapped teen idols, went to the beach and saw real men wearing the same thing and saw them as humans instead of walking sex toys?
The completely rational reaction from any of those women at the beach would be, “I’m not wearing it for you, perv, I’m wearing it because I’m swimming, and this is swimwear! What do you want me to wear, a burka?”
That is a fair response. Yet it works both ways. I have watched girls almost walk into traffic from staring at my shirtless godson. He is very attractive, and I highly doubt the girls who drool at the sight of him care at all about his feelings or personhood. They see “The Sexy” (as he calls it) and they want it.
However, my godson knows what he is doing. He knows what he looks like, takes time to groom himself, and enjoys being as nude as people will allow him to be. The result is that on a warm Chicago day, the only thing between his body and the rest of the world are a pair of flip-flops and shorts. You cannot guarantee he is wearing underwear. He does this on purpose. Part of it is because that is how he feels most comfortable, and part of it is because he likes the reaction he gets.
That is the same reason there were women in mini skirts and sandals in 50 degree weather for the Cubs parade and rally. They likely did not feel comfortable given that they could see their breath if they stood in the shade. They dressed that way to look sexy so as to get attention.
That does not mean every woman does this for attention, just as it does not mean my godson does it for attention every time. Yet it does happen. To pretend that women do not dress in a manner to entice men is moronic.
“Sexual Assault = Guy In An Alley With A Knife”
Let’s be clear: During my formative years, I was absolutely taught that rape was wrong, many times.
That Wong needed to make it clear that he was taught that rape is wrong is a testament to how warped the political left have become. Even I knew rape was wrong, and I grew up with the act appearing to be a normal part of my life. I knew it was wrong because it felt wrong. This seems to hold true with most people raised in a similar manner. Despite being exposed to such violence, people seem to have an instinctive knowledge that certain acts are taboo and they either avoid them or try to hide that they commit them.
It is only through heavy indoctrination that people can be made to commit these kinds of acts and think they are acceptable. Yet even in those instances, people still appear to understand the act is wrong. They merely rationalize why they think they should be allowed to commit the act.
Only the political left appear to think that it is inherent to male’s nature to rape females, and that males must be taught not to do this.
But “rape” was defined as a man with a ski mask in an alley forcing himself on a stranger under the threat of violence. “Date rape” was a term I’d heard, sure, but it was either when a guy drugged a woman or got rough with her — situations wherein she’s left with a bloody lip and torn clothes. If you’d asked me to define date rape at the time, I’d have said, “It’s like what James Bond did to Pussy Galore, only if the guy wasn’t handsome.”
And Wong would have been an ass. I attended an all-male high school. I heard numerous vulgar jokes that make Trump’s “grab them the pussy” sound tame. I heard outlandish stories about how boys who probably could not find a girl’s vagina if she spread her legs in broad light claim to have had sex with scores of hot girls. I have never heard anyone describe date rape as anything James Bond.
Likewise, this never happened:
If someone had come in and told teenage me that “groping” a woman or forcing kisses was a form of sexual assault, I’d have been very, very confused. You just called most of the action heroes of my childhood serial rapists! “And what if it makes her fall in love with him?”
I realize my anecdotal experiences are not representative, yet when anyone made these types of suggestions when I was in high school, it was either a clear joke or they were taken to task. No one seemed to think it was genuinely acceptable to touch girls without permission or forcibly kiss them.
I specifically recall the conversations that happened after Austin Powers came out on DVD. One boy mentioned the scene where Powers refuses to have sex with an intoxicated Miss Kensington. He stated that he would have done it, and the reaction from the dozen or so boys sitting at the lunch table was entirely negative. One boy’s response was, “What if was your sister?”
These are the same boys who told vulgar jokes and bragged about sex they did not have. The moment it looked like someone would actually do those things, they responded negatively.
No one thinks that grabbing a woman’s genitals or forcibly kissing her is acceptable. We all understand that this is boorish behavior. That Wong did not get this message speaks volumes about his lack of character, and he should not project that onto other males.
I never, in any of my public school years, had a lesson saying you needed to wait for verbal consent before touching a woman. I saw the quarterback of the football team slap girls on the butt, I saw guys reach around and grab girls’ boobs as a prank, I saw mistletoe hung over doorways and was told if you and a girl stood under it, she had to kiss you. One time when we were playing volleyball at the beach, Dr. Dre ran up and unhooked a girl’s bikini top.
No one should need to teach you that all of the above acts are wrong. They are obviously wrong. Other than jocks, jerks, and rappers who take too long to release new music, who behaves like this?
Again, I never did any of those things. Not because I thought they were wrong, but because I was too nervous.
And I fucking hated myself for it.
Again, it sounds like Wong’s parents never taught him basic morals and ethics because you should not feel bad for not doing bad things. Likewise, it appears Wong never paid attention to girls’ reactions. The girls would have shown him what behavior was acceptable and what was not and who could do it.
Point number two:
“All Sex Outside Of (Heterosexual) Marriage Is Wrong”
For some reason, Wong decides to quote Rush Limbaugh’s comments about Trump’s Access Hollywood video. Limbaugh stated:
“You know what the magic word, the only thing that matters in American sexual mores today is? One thing. You can do anything, the left will promote and understand and tolerate anything, as long as there is one element. Do you know what it is? Consent. If there is consent on both or all three or all four, however many are involved in the sex act, it’s perfectly fine. Whatever it is. But if the left ever senses and smells that there’s no consent in part of the equation, then here come the rape police.”
Quoting Limbaugh? That is where we have gotten to?
I’m curious to know how many of you kind of agree with him, versus how many of you got a chill down your spine.
No one agrees with Limbaugh. He is an idiot who made a provocative statement to get people like Wong to overreact to it.
I switched from the former to the latter exactly half way through my life.
That is probably something Wong should not have shared. It does not make him sound more intelligent or like he has crossed some grand divide. It makes him sound utterly stupid to a degree that is almost unimaginable. Who actually thinks that if a person does not consent to sex, that is when “the rape police” come out?
To a large part of the nation’s Christian population, what he’s saying still makes perfect sense.
No, it does not. The first part about the multiple partners would make sense to them. The second part would have them stare at you as they groped for stones to rid us of your stupidity.
The connection Wong tries to make with Christians is that they would agree with Limbaugh because all sex outside of marriage (which should only be between one man and one woman) is wrong. Some Christians do hold that view, and the view is completely backwards and ridiculous. Yet it has nothing to do with Limbaugh’s statement, let alone anyone failing to understand consent.
To the contrary, the Christian position Wong mentions is specifically that people are choosing to engage in immoral behavior. If Christians acknowledge that both parties agree to commit the “sin”, clearly consent is not the issue. This entire portion of the article comes across as if Wong wanted to attack Christians, but could not find a way to work them in and this was the best he could do.
Mercifully, there is only one point left:
“Boys Will Be Boys”
Explaining someone’s actions is obviously not the same as excusing them. Saying that the behavior is shockingly common doesn’t excuse it either. The point of this isn’t to defend [insert subject of most recent scandal here], but to prevent people from insisting that guys like him are rare, incomprehensible monsters.
They’re not. Lots of guys grope. Lots of guys who don’t will masturbate to rape porn. Lots of guys who don’t do that, still happily masturbated to the stolen “Fappening” pics. Lots of guys who didn’t do that still see James Bond movies as wish fulfillment. Lots of guys who don’t, still didn’t see any problem with that Han Solo scene until I pointed it out.
How many? Saying “lots” is a great way to make a point, however, “lots” can mean a tiny minority to the vast majority. So how many men are we talking about? Can Wong quantify it? Or is he simply being hyperbolic to make a weak point?
Yes, there are a small minority of men who grope women. There is a larger number of men who masturbate to fictional rape scenes or stolen pictures. There are some men who view Bond’s prowess with women as wish fulfillment. Most men would have no problem with the Han and Leia scene.
These are not all the same type of man, so the comparison is facetious and intellectually dishonest, as is this line of thinking:
The writers of all these movies and ad campaigns would say they didn’t invent a damned thing, that males have testosterone and will have certain urges at a certain age, even if they are raised on a desert island. And because the urges are natural, anything that appeals to those urges must also be — boys, after all, will be boys. Those boys will then grow up and write movies and ads which portray their sexually frustrated adolescent fantasies as if they are everyday reality.
But what’s the alternative? Censorship? To force women to cover themselves, like in Saudi Arabia?
No, the alternative is to recognize that ridding guys of toxic attitudes toward women is a monumental task.
Where are the “toxic” attitudes? We are looking at behavior that men and women engage in all the time. Wong may not like that some women play hard to get and that some men are confident enough to try to go in for a kiss, yet that does not mean that anyone is harboring negative views about women.
If what Wong means is that he grew up unable to attract girls and as a result felt insecure and perhaps angry at girls, then he should say so. He would not be the first shy, socially awkward male to feel that way. That does not mean everyone else needs to change their behavior so that his timidness and projection do not look sad and pathetic.
In the meantime, to act like it’s crazy that a particular guy doesn’t see the clear line between consent and assault is misguided.
Who acts like this? We all understand the difference between consent and assault. We also understand that humans are rarely that simple, and that sometimes we say and do the opposite of what we feel. To go back the Han and Leia scene, the context shows that Leia wants Han to touch her hands, to hold her close, and to kiss her. However, everything she says indicates the opposite. The only give away is her tone. She is clearly interested and not resisting. She wants Han to keep going, yet also does not want to admit that she wants it.
That is normal human interaction. Every situation is not precisely like that, yet it does have those elements of wanting it and not wanting to say or do it. This does not only apply to women. Men go through the same thing. The difference is that men do not end up in the same scenarios because they are socially required to initiate everything. When it happens to men, they wind up with no relationship because they were too afraid, too awkward, or too unsure to take the next step.
The culture has intentionally blurred those lines and trained that man to feel shame for erring on either side. You have to start teaching kids that consent matters from Day One.
No one has blurred the lines. The lines are in and of themselves blurred because this is how people behave. We are not always clear about what we want. We do not always verbalize it or physically show it. That means that people will sometimes have to interpret what we want and what we mean. That can lead to incorrect inferences and sometimes deliberate misinterpretations. As a society, our reaction should be to deal with these as they occur rather than assume that every time a boy kisses a girl he is raping her because he did not ask for verbal consent before he puckered his lips.