The Unjoy of Sex

What could be more giving to a sexual partner than making them orgasm? How about delighting in helping them reach that point of ecstasy? Is this not the hallmark of a good lover?

According to Cosmopolitan, not in the slightest. In an article that one would hope was a troll but clearly is not, the author argues that it is sexist for men to enjoy their female partner’s orgasm:

It’s not enough that men are already having more orgasms than women. To make matters worse, a new study published in the Journal of Sex Research found — aside from deriving pleasure from their own orgasms, obviously — men also derive a specific sort of masculine pleasure from making female partners orgasm. The researchers in the study, Sara Chadwick and Sari van Anders, refer to this incredibly predictable phenomenon as a “masculinity achievement.”

Did we need a study for this? It is fairly common knowledge that women tend to take longer to orgasm than men. It is also fairly common knowledge that women often fail to tell their partners what sexually arouses them. The men are left to figure it out themselves, hence the feeling of achievement.

Two years worth of comedy specials would have explained this phenomenon, yet the researchers chose to ask 810 men:

[…] to read a story where they had to imagine an “attractive woman” either did or did not orgasm during sex with them. Each man was then asked to rate their sexual esteem and the extent to which they’d feel “masculine” after experiencing the scenario. The results are what you’d expect: Men felt more masculine and felt high self esteem when they imagined a woman orgasmed during sex with them. “These results suggest that women’s orgasms do function — at least in part — as a masculinity achievement for men,” researchers wrote.

Men feel good when they make their female partners feel good? How shocking. Next the researchers will tell us that people feel good about themselves when they make other people laugh.

One would think mutual enjoyment would be a normal aspect of sexual relations. While their are some people who do not care if their partner enjoys the sex or orgasms, most people do. Of course, this is male pleasure we are talking about, therefore it must be sexist. Let us have it then. Why is it sexist:

Let’s be clear — there’s nothing wrong with feeling good about making your partner feel good (in this case, orgasming).


It’s nice to bring pleasure to your partner!

Clever, yet this is just stalling. Where is the “but”:

But the researchers point out a sexist flaw in the masculinity boost thing.

What flaw? Men enjoy a sense of accomplishment for getting women to orgasm, something even women joke about being difficult to do. How is it sexist? Because men are doing it for the sense of achievement?

“Despite increasing focus on women’s orgasms, research indicated that the increased attention to women’s orgasms may also serve men’s sexuality, complicating conceptualizations of women’s orgasms as women-centric,” researchers wrote.

I read this five times and I still cannot parse it. Orgasms are not gender specific. Both sexes have them, and both sexes feel better about themselves for being able to make another person orgasm. This is normal.

People take great offense if the other person does not orgasm. It speaks to someone’s skill as a lover. If you cannot get the other person off, you are a terrible lover. Again, both sexes think this.

Perhaps the researchers have a better explanation of what they mean:

In a separate statement from Chadwick and van Anders, they explained why it’s a bad thing for men to gain masculinity points for bringing female partners to orgasm. “One reason is that it might pressure some heterosexual men to feel like they have to ‘give’ women orgasms, as if orgasm is something men pulled out of a hat and presented to women,” they wrote. “This ties into cultural ideas of women as passive recipients of whatever men give them.”

These researchers are idiots. I realize that sounds harsh, yet there is no other way to describe them. They are completely idiotic. No one other than children would think that the turn of phrase “giving someone an orgasm” literally means it is delivered like a gift. Not a single person who has ever had an orgasm thinks this because it is obviously stupid.

And to reiterate a prior point: it is common knowledge that women take longer to orgasm than men. So the argument that making a woman orgasm ties into some cultural idea about women as passive recipients makes no sense.

Further compounding the stupidity of that argument is basic biology. Typically speaking, one is the passive recipient of whatever causes one to orgasm. It is not one’s deliberate attempt to orgasm that causes it to occur (although some people can make themselves have one); it is the external stimulus to certain parts of the body that prompts arousal, which in turn triggers the orgasm. In this sense, an orgasm is by default a passive experience since it occurs without the recipient’s direct control. To this point, one can be brought to orgasm without any desire to have an orgasm. As long as the proper stimulation is applied, a person will have an orgasm.

They also mention another sexist orgasm trope: women feeling pressured to fake orgasms in order to appease a male partner, or in their words, “to protect men’s feelings.” For women who have sex with male partners, the pressure to orgasm is a relatable feeling. Hence all the faking that we know is going down in hetero bedrooms all over the country.

As noted above, people tend to take it as a sign that they are a poor lover if their partner does not orgasm. It would make sense for someone who did not achieve an orgasm to fake it if they wanted their partner to feel good about the sex. Incidentally, women are not the only ones who fake orgasms to please their partners. Men also fake orgasms to protect women’s feelings. But why let evidence showing there is no sexist agenda behind making women orgasm get in the way of a moronic conspiracy theory?

The researchers draw a fairly frightening conclusion from the research findings. When women’s orgasms begin to serve as a masculinity achievement for male partners, the orgasms cease to be about women’s liberation or sexual pleasure. They just become another opportunity for men to flex, or “shore up their sense of masculinity.”

The above statement is proof that a college education and a degree do not denote intelligence. If one needs further evidence:

“These men, therefore, were more likely to view women’s orgasms as a notch on the bedpost of their manliness,” Chadwick and van Anders wrote in the statement. They end their note with an encouragement for men to think of orgasms less as achievements to be unlocked, and truly view them for what they are: tiny little pleasure explosions that should be enjoyed — frequently — by female partners.

The researchers are correct. When men pat themselves on the back for making their female partner orgasm, it is only about unlocking sexual trophy achievements like in a video game. It has nothing to do with demonstrating their prowess as a lover or ensuring their partner enjoyed the sex. Indeed, this is why men stop the sex the moment the woman has one orgasm, and there is zero fascination among men about women’s ability to have multiple orgasms. This is certainly not something any male in the history of humanity has ever attempted to cause, let alone brag about.

Likewise, men have little interest in their female partners enjoying the sex on any level. Men would rather women lie motionless on the bed, silent and stone-faced, as they pump away until the women huff a few times to let the men know they got their gold trophy. And of course, no woman wants her male partner to be able to cause her to experience orgasms, nor would she consider him a fantastic lover if he were able to cause multiple orgasms.

This is what happens when you inject feminist ideology into every subject matter. The level of utter stupidity that follows is so palpable it could almost be bottled and sold. What is shocking is not that several researchers concocted this theory, tested it, and unsurprisingly found that their hypothesis was inherently correct because of “The Patriarchy”. What is shocking is that in order for this to have been published, other researchers had to review the study, the methodology, and the findings, and find few enough flaws to allow the study to be published.

Who were these people and why do they still have their accreditations? Take them away. Strip them of their titles and prestige. These are not people to be trusted. The findings of this “study” are so insane that it is akin to saying one can pray away the gay. No one with an iota of intelligence should even entertain the hypothesis that men wanting to give women orgasms is sexist, let alone study it, let alone find any evidence proving this.

4 thoughts on “The Unjoy of Sex

  1. No TS you are not being too harsh, Sara and Sari ARE idiots, and these incompetent researchers would change their minds if their partners just fucked them without concern for them. You can have an orgasm without a man if you are either masturbating, or having sex with a woman, but it doesn’t magically appear without stimulation like these incompetent so-called “researchers” wish to believe, any more than it can for a man.

    Not to mention they’re so stupid and vain that they got it exactly backwards! From my experience, giving your girlfriend/wife/one night stand is easy as long as you make it about their pleasure rather than yours. One time I did this when I had a one night stand with a girl, she had a number of small orgasms and said it was the best sex she’d had, despite the fact that she was normally lesbian. Basically, we men like feeling like we’ve satisfied our partner, not just for ego reasons, but also because we like to have done right by our partners.

    And I thought the feminist mob couldn’t grow more stupid! (They accuse men of “making everything about them” when feminists male everything the fault of men anyway.)

  2. Fortunately these people have also given us a good term for this kind of vapid whining – “First World problems.”

    “The researchers draw a fairly frightening conclusion from the research findings. When women’s orgasms begin to serve as a masculinity achievement for male partners, the orgasms cease to be about women’s liberation or sexual pleasure. They just become another opportunity for men to flex, or “shore up their sense of masculinity.””

    Unh hnh. Well, that situation is still better than someone who just lies there daring her partner to give her an orgasm with no interest at all in giving him one, or worse yet, claiming credit for it when he’s done all the work.

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