About Toysoldier

Jacob Taylor is a freelance writer and advocate for male victims of sexual violence. He blogs on Toy Soldiers.

No Indictment for woman who raped sleeping man

Last October, a Texas woman broke into the home of a family friend and forcibly performed oral sex on him:

In her fourth arrest this month, Megan Davis Hoelting, 31, was charged with burglary with the intent of sexual offense Tuesday.

Hoelting told police that, in just a nightgown, she snuck into her husband’s friend’s bedroom while he was sleeping Monday night, according to a felony criminal complaint obtained by The Smoking Gun.

Hoelting said she took off her nightgown and, in just underwear, got into the man’s bed. She said she wrapped her legs around the man’s waist and kissed him, according to the complaint.

The man said he woke up to find someone on top of him, “fondling his genitals” and “attempting to perform fellatio upon him,” according to the complaint.

When the man realized it was Hoetling, he told her to leave. She refused and the man called to police to remove her. Hoetling confessed to the crimes. One would think that would be enough to obtain a conviction. However: Continue reading

Grisham and the law

Originally posted on October 17, 2014

John Grisham waded into a political war-zone when he commented on the conviction of people who possess child pornography. Grisham stated in an interview with the Telegraph:

“We have prisons now filled with guys my age. Sixty-year-old white men in prison who’ve never harmed anybody, would never touch a child,” he said in an exclusive interview to promote his latest novel Gray Mountain which is published next week.

“But they got online one night and started surfing around, probably had too much to drink or whatever, and pushed the wrong buttons, went too far and got into child porn.”

His comments sparked criticism from child advocacy groups. However, Grisham went on to state:

Asked about the argument that viewing child pornography fuelled the industry of abuse needed to create the pictures, Mr Grisham said that current sentencing policies failed to draw a distinction between real-world abusers and those who downloaded content, accidentally or otherwise.

“I have no sympathy for real paedophiles,” he said, “God, please lock those people up. But so many of these guys do not deserve harsh prison sentences, and that’s what they’re getting,” adding sentencing disparities between blacks and whites was likely to be the subject of his next book.

No one paid attention to that part, or this part of the Telegraph article:

Since 2004 average sentences for those who possess – but do not produce – child pornography have nearly doubled in the US, from 54 months in 2004 to 95 months in 2010, according to a 2012 report by the U.S. Sentencing Commission.

However the issue of sex-offender sentencing has sparked some debate in the US legal community after it emerged that in some cases those who viewed child porn online were at risk of receiving harsher sentences than those who committed physical acts against children.

A provocative article in the libertarian magazine Reason headlined “Looking v Touching” argued last February that something was “seriously wrong with a justice system in which people who look at images of child rape can be punished more severely than people who rape children”.

Grisham later issued an apology for his comments. Continue reading

Male rape still considered a joke in South Africa

Given the dismissive attitudes towards male victims of sexual violence in Western countries, it is easy to forget that male victims in other countries face a greater level of hostility. This is particularly true in many African countries where cultural norms still view men as inherently powerful and incapable of being raped unless they are gay.

This attitude can lead many abused men and boys to remain silent since the likely response to their coming forward would be this:

Samkelo Mabaso* was raped by a stranger in Nelspruit last November, but when he told his friends they laughed at him so he decided not to report the rape.

“I still remember that horrible night like it was just yesterday,” said Mabaso (26) who was walking home at around 7pm. “In front of me, there were two ladies and behind me, a man. Those ladies took a turn and I continued on the same road and the man followed me.

“As I was about to take a left turn, the man hit the back of my head.  I woke up in an abandoned house. He was on top of me and he took his penis and put it between my thighs. Then he turned me over and with force, he raped me,” said Mabaso.

The following morning, Mabaso opened up to a group of his friends because he needed their support and advice.

“But instead of comforting me, they laughed at me,” said Mabaso. “One of my friends said: ‘What, are you gay now?’ I just said ‘I’m not gay, I was raped’. But at that moment I knew that disclosing the event and opening a case would be a waste of time because, if my friends thought it was a joke, other people would probably also make fun of me.”

That is a horrible way to treat a friend, regardless of what happened. Continue reading

Stop the Abuse: Hagar International

Often times people want to help others but do not know how. This cannot be any truer than when it comes to helping abused men and boys. The resources sometimes are not apparent and are often difficult to find. Sometimes the resources are hidden or even barred by other groups who wish to polarize the issue. The intent here is to provide those who wish to help male victims with the opportunity to do so.

Please remember that you do no have to empty your wallets to help. Even a small donation can go a long way. And for those on the other side of the issue, it would go a long way to demonstrating real concern for all victims if you donated as well.


Hager International

Hagar restores to wholeness the lives of women and children in Afghanistan, Cambodia and Vietnam that have been torn apart by human rights abuse. Walking the whole journey of protection, recovery, empowerment and integration with each individual is the whole reason for Hagar.

Established in Cambodia in 1994, Hagar launched programing in both Afghanistan and Vietnam in 2009.

In 2004, the U.S. State Department named Hagar founder Pierre Tami as one of the its six international heroes in the struggle against the modern-day slave trade.

Because we believe that broken lives can become whole again.

Hagar’s name derives from the biblical story of Hagar in Genesis 16 and 21. Read the Hagar Biblical Story.

Currently, Hagar supports 1,200 women and child victims of trafficking, domestic violence and exploitation in Afghanistan, Cambodia and Vietnam. They were among the world’s most broken and despondent people… but not now.

Please donate and help make a difference.

Confronting taboos: Nigerian boys abused by women

Abuse committed by women remains a taboo subject. In countries like the United States, that began to change as more high profile cases hit the news. However, other countries still keep the discussion of the topic to a minimum.

Nigeria is one of those countries. Sexual violence is not something openly discussed or confronted, but this is particularly true when the rapist is female. Cultural stigmas and expectations often lead boys raped by women to rationalize their abuse even as they acknowledge the abusive power dynamic at play.

A recent article on Naij.com covered the issue. Author Aderonke Bello interviewed several men abused by women as children. One man recounted his “abusive relationship” with a 35-year-old woman that began when he was 12-years-old:

Juwon Adeniji was introduced to sex at age 12 by a woman 23 years his senior. She forced him into an abusive relationship which lasted for seven years.

“My cravings for older women cannot stop in this lifetime,” were the words of Juwon Adeniji, “I am married to a woman who is 11 years older than me, I fought a battle with my family members because my wife is older. Anyway, I won. So far, I have been blessed with two healthy boys.”

His parents were never at home to tend to him. He was left in the mercy of their neighbour who took advantage of his parents’ busy schedules to abuse their son. For the years it lasted, they never found out about what was occurring right under their noses. The boy enjoyed the act and got used to it, not realising it was abuse until he became an adult.

“My parents worked from morning till evening. With me being the only child and no one to leave me with in the ancient city of Idanre where my parents worked, our neighbour who was a full housewife offered to take me in when the school bus drops me. Then my parents would pick me from there at the end of each working day (from Monday to Friday). She fed me daily, we would watch Indian films and wrestled together when her husband was not around. I liked her because she cared for me,” he explained.

One of the moment common refrains one hears about female abusers is that they act out of love and compassion and confusion. They are never predatory. It is only their need for companionship that drives them. Keep that opinion in mind as Juwon continues his story: Continue reading

A Village in Turmoil

News of a child sexual abuse ring rocked a rural Pakistani village this past week. According to reports, over hundreds of children were kidnapped, drugged, and raped by a pedophile ring led by members of a local gang in Kasur:

Villagers accuse police officials of covering up a pedophile ring, after videos emerged of their children being molested by members of a prominent and influential local family.

They say the abuse had been going on since at least 2009, and that the children were blackmailed to steal from their homes to prevent the videos from going public.

Reports on the number of victims vary:

According to a survey by the group last week, one in three of the 500 households questioned in the district of Kasur had a child who had been sexually abused, Sara said.

CNN affiliate Geo TV reported higher numbers, saying around 400 videos were made of 280 minors.

Continue reading

#SJW Feminist Myths Destroyed by Karen Straughan

Stephen Crowder interviewed Honey Badger Karen Straughan several days ago. They discussed feminists, social justice fights, GamerGate, domestic violence, and a host of other issues. Straughan featured a longer discussion (complete with more profanity) on her site.

Both talks are worth a listen. Continue reading