The “rise” of male friendships “bad” for women

It has been a while since people took a positive thing for men and turned it into a problem for women, so I suppose we were due for one.

According to a recent study, men’s friendship with other men — commonly called a “bromance” — could ruin women’s romantic relationships.

The researchers interviewed 30 straight college men, all of them part of the college’s sports department. The researchers found that the men valued their platonic relationships with their male friends over their romantic relationships with their girlfriends.

None of this is new. Men have had intense platonic relationships with each other since humans existed. We have plenty examples of this throughout history and mythology. Many of these real and fantasy relationships were closer than any relationship the men had with women in their lives.

The researchers drew the rather bizarre conclusion that changing attitudes in homosexuality have led to a rise in the so-called “bromance.” However, this is inaccurate. Talk to men in the military, police officers, and athletes, and one will find that these intense male relationships are quite common. The reality is that our culture’s focus on homosexuality, specifically in treating any male intimacy as sex-driven or romantic — like calling such platonic relationships “bromances” — led men to keep their close relationships with other men secret.

Another factor is women’s reaction to men’s platonic relationships. It is not uncommon to hear of girlfriends and wives driving away their men’s friends, particularly their closest male friends. The unspoken element is that the platonic relationship poses a risk to the romantic one. Most specifically, the emotional intimacy provided in the platonic relationship would subvert men’s need to depend on women for it, thereby stripping away one element women could use to control, for lack of a better word, the relationship.

The Importance of Male Role Models

Where are the men?

It seems a bizarre question to ask, yet given the current situation in the education system and many community centers, it is one we must ask.

For almost three decades we have watched men lose their position in society. It is not only reflected in the education and community support systems. It also appears throughout pop culture. Gone are positive fathers from TV and film. Now fathers are the comic relief. Our commercials feature men barely (and often not) more intelligent than pets. Articles, talk shows, and studies abound touting the “inherent” uselessness and pointlessness of men. We are constantly told that men essentially do not matter, except in how they can benefit and protect women.

If the message is not the above, then it is the claim that men are predators who ruin the world for everyone, particularly for women. Men are harassers, bullies, batterers, and rapists. Men need to be taught not to rape, not to beat, and to learn affirmative, enthusiastic consent lest they remain villains.

The net result of this is that men stop engaging.

Support male victims on International Men’s Day

Today is November 17th, International Men’s Day. There will be plenty of articles from feminists bashing the focus on men’s issues. There will be plenty of articles from feminists claiming men’s issues are important, but not that serious. They will be plenty of articles from feminists giving lip service men’s issues.

What they are not going to do is offer support to men. In light of that, this post will include links to various organizations that assist men and boys. If anyone has any organizations that help men and boys, please leave them in the comments below and I will add them to the list. I do ask people check the organizations before adding them. Having gender neutral language on their site is not enough. It is important to make sure that the organization actively assists men and boys.

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The Innocence Project
The Campaign Against Living Miserably
Just Detention International
Living Well
MaleSurvivor
ManKind UK
Survivors UK
Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests
Urban Light

No, feminist men can’t have a useful dialogue with men’s rights activists

Ashley Thomson asks “Can feminist men open up a useful dialogue with men’s rights activists?”

No. One cannot have an open dialogue if one side does all the talking. This is the fundamental issue with any dialogue between feminists and men’s rights activists. Both sides disagree with each other, but only one side is willing to listen to what the other says. The other side only wants its views accepted without question. Any dissent, no matter how slight or justified, is taken as closed-mindedness and sexism. This is particular true for many feminist men. They tend to take feminist ideals and theories more seriously than feminist women, often out of a need to prove they are not faking their support. The result is that they are less likely than their female counterparts to accept any non-feminist perspectives, especially any men’s rights position.

Thomson demonstrates the inherent problem with the dialogue between the two camps at the beginning of the article:

MILO at Auburn University: “Feminism is Cancer for Men… and Women!”

Breitbart reporter Milo Yiannopoulos is currently engaged in his Dangerous Faggot college tour. To date, he has had one school cancel his talk, another was cancelled due to a bomb threat, and one was also sidelined as the college attempted to overcharge for security. Nevertheless, the tour continues.

Milo’s talks have been hit or miss. He is certainly playing to a crowd and being the provocateur. It is difficult at times to parse what he actually thinks verses what he says for the lols. It is clear there is a trolling aspect to his tour, and it may be that his supporters are among those being trolled.

That said, when Milo’s talk work, they work well. I thought he did a good job of breaking down the current issues with modern feminism on college campuses. He does go for a number of low blows, some of them unfair, although still funny. Overall, I think it is important for people to understand the impact modern feminism has on college students and the environment, particularly when it comes to the way the schools operate.

Mothers and Sons with Tom Golden

The Honey Badger interviewed author Tom Golden again. This interview concerned his book Helping Mothers be Closer to Their Sons: Understanding the unique world of boys. From the Amazon blurb:

Do you sometimes wonder why your son is the way he is? Do you struggle in understanding him? Listen to the words of youtube sensation Karen Straughan:

“For any mother of boys who has ever been perplexed, flummoxed,bewildered, dumbfounded, flabbergasted, confused or stymied by the things they say and do, this book is a must read.”

Learn the secrets that make boy’s emotions invisible. Learn the reasons he seems so different from your daughters. The author has spent over 30years working with boys and learning their nature. This book will open you to their world and in so doing bring a deeper closeness.
Concise, written in a friendly manner, this book will help you shape a new way of being with your son.

Bonus sections on adolescents, teaching boys about emotions, discipline and more, this book will give you plenty of tips about getting close to your son while honoring your distinctly different ways.

Listen to Jennifer Fink, writer,founder of buildingboys.net and mother of four boys says:

“I wish I’d had this book when I started raising boys! And even though I’ve been raising and reading and writing about boys for 18+ years, I learned things.”

I have not read the book yet, although I intend to. I find Golden’s insights as mentioned in the interview helpful. He and the Badgers discuss the way boys think and behave and the ways mothers and women in general can learn to notice these things to better understand why boys are the way they are.

Some thoughts on Zootopia

I finally saw Disney’s Zootopia. It was the studio’s latest animated film. As the portmanteau suggests, the film is about an animal (only mammals) utopia. Judy Hopps (played by Ginnifer Goodwin) works her entire life to become the first rabbit police officer despite her small stature. She makes to the police force and is assigned to the main branch in Zootopia. However, once she arrives she discovers that the city where anyone can be anything they want to be is not the paradise she expected.

The film seems to be a take on racial politics, however, quite a few feminists took the message to be about gender politics, and I can see why.

Judy is a rabbit. All of her traits — small, weak, cute, emotional — are usually associated with women and femininity. During her training to become a police officer Judy receives plenty of condescending, bigoted remarks that sound similar to what someone might say to a woman (ironically, all of these are delivered by a female polar bear). When Judy gets to Zootopia’s main branch, instead of receiving one of the missing predator cases, Judy is made a traffic cop. Her stellar performance at the academy means nothing. The chief simply wants the token rabbit out of the way.

Much of that can also fits into discussions about race and bias in general, however, I think sticking with the gender angle provides an interesting insight into what the filmmakers actually made.