The price of fear mongering about sex

It is one thing to want to protect people from sexual violence. Sexual abuse is a horrible thing. Even when it appears that someone suffered little physical harm, the psychological damage can devastate a person. It is not merely the violation of one’s body or the way that one’s body may respond to the assault, but also the betrayal of trust. Sexual abuse typically happens at the hands of someone a person knows well. The idea that someone you consider safe would hurt you is a thought most people would rather not imagine.

It is also one thing to make people so terrified of sexual violence that they see every one around them as potential abusers. It takes little effort to take a series of cherry-picked statistics and use them to fear monger. This mentality is particularly popular among progressive groups, who have taken to proclaiming that college campuses are bastions of rape. This argument leads people to believe that a rapist lurks in every crevice, and it is understandable that a person who thinks this way would avoid sex.

It is another thing altogether make someone so afraid of being accused of being a rapist that they would forswear dating and sex altogether. Yet this is what one young man decided to do:

David Sherratt doesn’t want a girlfriend. He doesn’t ever want one. At 18 years old he has given up hope on womankind.

“It’s not for me,” the teenager said.

“I could be missing out on something but I could also be putting myself in danger.”

Sherratt specifically fears this:

David, who is a virgin, is worried he could be accused of rape if he has casual sex.

“There is the risk of false accusation, especially given that I am a political target, given I’m a men’s rights advocate and people know who I am,” he said.


He worries about a so-called ‘yes means yes’ law coming to the UK.

“There are women fighting for a yes means yes law,” he said.

“That would mean a man would have to prove consent. How exactly do you prove that happened?

His prior roommates did not support his views and Sherratt later moved out as a result. His new roommates, according to him, do not care about his views, yet Sherratt remains isolated: Continue reading

The Honey Badgers discuss male suicide

A few days ago the Honey Badgers invited Tom Golden, a psychotherapist and the author of Swallowed by a Snake, on their show to discuss men’s health.

I think this is one of the best shows the Badgers have done. It is an excellent discussion about how men deal with emotional pain, what men learn about how people will treat them if they show pain, and the lack of support for suffering men.

I like that they do not skirt around the issues, especially the idea of there being one “right” way of healing. It is very common for people to tell wounded men that they need to talk about it. Many people fail to realize that this often is not how men cope with their pain or how they show their emotions. Men tend to be doers, so one may see a man make something or do something as a means of dealing with grief or hurt rather than sit down and cry it out.

The two parts that stood out for me was Brian talking about his father’s current health condition and Rachel speaking about a former boyfriend who broke down in front of her. These two stories show the types of things men go through, and ultimately shatter the narrative that men have it easier.

This is definitely an episode of Honey Badger Radio worth a listen: Continue reading

A Dose of Stupid v118

It happens every day. In fact, it is pretty hard to avoid it. There are some things that can only be understood with a slap on the forehead. Things so mind-boggling that one wonders how humans managed to evolve thumbs while being this mentally inept. Case in point:

Throughout 2015 several domestic violence organizations decided to open their doors to male victims New organizations dedicated to helping male victims were created. There are even shelters for male victims in the works. Again, all of this happened over the course of the last year.

Something rarely mentioned in any of the articles about these changes is this: why did it take so long?

Again, it is 2015. Not 2005, not 1995, not 1965. Why did it take so long for people to finally consider domestic violence a serious issue?

Better yet, why do we need specific services for male victims? Are there not existing services? Why can we not use those services for men? Is there some double standard at play?

One person decided to ask a similar question to the gang at r/AskFeminists. Thomas_222x asked the snarky question: Continue reading

What is the deal with male feminists?

Why Being a Man Means I’m Part of the Problem.
Toxic masculinity is tearing us apart.
It’s time to do away with the concept of ‘manhood’ altogether.

The above article were written by male feminists who seems to dislike masculinity, manhood, and men general. They are the most recent in a long line of anti-male screeds coming from male feminists.

Every few weeks these kind of article appear on progressive blogs. The content of the articles is always the same: masculinity is bad. Manhood is bad. Men are bad. Some of them try to get around those arguments by adding adjectives like “toxic” before masculinity, yet most of their commentary reveals that the issue has nothing to do with “toxicity.” Their problem is masculinity, manhood, and men.

The articles carry a distinct tone of anger and resentment toward any aspect of maleness. This leaves me with a question: what is the deal with male feminists?

In Sargon of Akkad’s recent addition to the Why Do People Hate Feminism series, he discussed male feminists. He argued that there are three  types of male feminists: the non-masculine ones, the well-meaning, apologetic ones, and the self-loathing ones. While I agree with Sargon’s grouping, the problem remains that what these men say is typically the same: they see no value in masculinity, manhood, or maleness beyond what can be used to please women. Continue reading

Why Do People Hate Feminism?

Sargon of Akkad has an excellent video series on the reasons why people take issue with feminism. He presents a thorough explanation of the problems within feminism as an ideology and with its adherents. Some feminists may object to Sargon’s tone, however, he comes across as fair. He does not paint all feminists as the Borg. He acknowledges that different feminists think different things. Yet he also notes that the voices we hear tend to come from the authoritarian, anti-male element of the movement.

This is an ongoing series, so as Sargon uploads videos I will add them to this page. Continue reading

The prison of men’s liberation

My prior experiences with pro-feminist male spaces has not been positive. After almost 15 years of online activity, I have yet to find a single pro-feminist male space that does not devolve into protecting feminism at all costs. Many of these spaces advertise that they welcome all men and want to hear men’s stories. Yet most of them heavily moderate comments and often block or ban anyone who questions feminism. Rather than including a multitude of men’s voices, these spaces often become echo chambers that constantly repeat feminist mantras while never addressing the issue’s men face.

When I read about /r/MensLib, a pro-feminist male-centric space, I suspected that it would be more of the same. To be clear, I did approach the sub with an open mind. I did not want to prejudge them by assuming that because every prior example I know of turned into an anti-male hug box that their sub would be the same. Yet they did not make it easy to give them the benefit of doubt. From their sidebar:

Think that men sometimes get a raw deal, but don’t want to associate with outright misogynists? Want to discuss men’s issues, but feel like the MRM shoots itself in the foot by obsessing over feminism and SJWs instead?

Welcome to /r/MensLib.

This is a community for discussing men’s issues in a way that promotes men both as individuals and as a group, without demonizing women, feminists, or proponents of social justice. We advocate for constructive solutions to problems men face, including promoting personal wellness, developing healthy relationships, and directing efforts to social and legal obstacles to male health and actualization. We recognize that men’s issues often intersect with race, sexual orientation and identity, disability, and socioeconomic status, and encourage open discussion of these considerations.

That kind of sentiment, especially the attacks on the men’s rights movement and critics of feminism, seeps into every part of the subreddit. Continue reading

Rejecting “consent” training

University of Warwick student George Lawlor took the bold position of standing up to “consent training.” I wrote about the feminist push to teach students about “enthusiastic” or “affirmative” consent in my previous post. It is the idea that people, particularly men, fail to understand when their partner consents to sex. In order to prevent these instances of mistaken rape, the partners must get enthusiastic, typically verbal consent from their sexual partners.

This notion makes little sense. Most people understand the concept of consent. They understand that it is wrong to have sex with someone who does not want to have sex with you. This is something so basic that even I understood this despite growing up in a home where sexual assault was frequent.

The idea that our children, particularly our boys, need to be taught not to rape is ludicrous and insulting. However, a greater insult would be thinking that they should be invited to an event to train them not to rape. This is what happened to Lawlor: Continue reading