Every time a media outlet reports on a woman raping a boy, someone comments about how it is every boy’s fantasy. Usually it is not just someone. There are often hundreds of comments like that, many of them from women but mostly from men. They all say the same thing: where was this teacher when I was growing up?
The idea that every boy wants to have sex with his hot teacher is fairly common. One could argue that plenty of teen boys do fantasize about their female (and male) teachers. This is only natural. These are often the only adults outside of family members that the teens regularly see. One would expect teen boys (and girls) to develop crushes on some of them. John Salmon of The Libertarian Republic shared his own story:
When I was about 14, I realised I was attracted to older women. I don’t simply mean those who were a couple of years above me at school; I mean 10-15 years older than me. […] While other boys my age were actually hooking up with girls, I was fantasising about my science teacher. She was only in her early twenties at that point but, as a 14-year-old, early twenties may as well have been early forties. It was nothing out of the ordinary; I used to fantasise about being kept behind for some random indiscretion and then being seduced by this older woman.
I don’t remember every specific detail of each fantasy but I do remember one thing – we never had sex. My fantasies were not about me wanting to have sex with her; it never got to that point. My fantasies were more about being seduced and the feeling that what we were doing was taboo. I fantasised about her naked and the kind of soft porn touching that you’d find on Channel 5 in the late 90s.
The key word to note in the above paragraph is what this article is about – fantasy. I never acted on my fantasies and, as far as I was aware, the teacher in question barely even knew I existed. The important thing to remember is that these scenarios were all in my head. I never once thought they would come true. In fact, if there was even the slightest hint that one of them may come true, my general social awkwardness would have put that to bed fairly quickly (no pun intended).
It is also possible that Salmon’s teacher, if so inclined, might have exploited his social awkwardness to continue the abuse. Someone who has difficulty connecting with others will likely try to maintain whatever connections they manage to make. Anyone interested in controlling them can use that to their advantage. This is one of the reasons why so many victims of abuse fit a similar personality profile. It is easier to manipulate someone who is shy, isolated, or awkward because they crave attention. Continue reading →