Jody Allard is back. For those who do not recall, Allard wrote an article in 2016 titled My teen boys are blind to rape culture. Allard argued in the article that despite all her efforts as a good feminist single mother, her two teenage sons are riddled with misogyny. Instead of taking heed of Allard’s demands that they check their privilege, stop their internalized misogyny, and challenge their friends who deal in “rape culture”, the boys laughed her off.
Any reasonable parent would look at that response and reflect on their own behavior. They would ask themselves why this approach did not work. They would ask why their children reject the very foundation of their parent’s identity and political beliefs.
Allard, however, is not a reasonable parent. She is a narcissistic, passive-aggressive, sociopathic ideologue, and so she does what anyone so mentally deranged would do: blame and publicly humiliate her sons. Again. For the fourth time. Here is the title of her most recent article:
Think of what type of person you must be to write something so vicious about your own sons. Think about how warped your mind must be to in one breath say that your sons are good and in the next accuse them of being rapists. Because that is what Allard did. You need not take my word for it. Take Allard’s:
I have two sons. They are strong and compassionate—the kind of boys other parents are glad to meet when their daughters bring them home for dinner. They are good boys, in the ways good boys are, but they are not safe boys. I’m starting to believe there’s no such thing.
Why would they not be safe? You just stated that they are the kind of boys other parents would want their daughters to bring home. Does that not imply that they are not just safe, but ideal? What type of parent says this about their own child?
I wrote an essay in The Washington Post last year, during the height of the Brock Turner case, about my sons and rape culture. I didn’t think it would be controversial when I wrote it […]
That is a lie. You knew that writing an article in which you accused your sons of being “blind to rape culture” would go viral. That is why you wrote it. Do not sit there pretending you wrote a simple, bland article for the Washington Post about how your sons basically support rape and act as if people inexplicably took offense. You are not that stupid.
[…] I was sure most parents grappled with raising sons in the midst of rape culture.
No rational parent “grappled” with this. Only feminists and progressives so wrapped up in their misandrist thinking “grappled” with this non-issue. Dozens of you wrote article after article after article attacking your own sons, from teenage boys to newborn babies, for the sin of being male. All of you expressed fear that the boys you are raising, the boys you instill with morals and ethics, are still somehow destined to be rapists because the evil “rape culture” will find some way to snare them. You peddled this nonsense as they were the Outer Party in 1984 at perpetual risk of committing a thought crime.
The struggle I wrote about was universal, I thought, but I was wrong. My essay went semi-viral, and for the first time my sons encountered my words about them on their friends’ phones, their teachers’ computers, and even overheard them discussed by strangers on a crowded metro bus. It was one thing to agree to be written about in relative obscurity, and quite another thing to have my words intrude on their daily lives.
What part of “The Washington Post” was unclear? It is not like you have not written for the paper before. You were aware of the scope and reach of that publication. Again, you are not that stupid.
One of my sons was hurt by my words, although he’s never told me so.
How are you surprised by this? What son wants his mother to think of him as someone who supports rape when she know he does not? Again, you are not that stupid. No one is that stupid. It is impossible for you, the woman who raised him, not to know how he would feel about your words. You clearly show this because according to you, he has not told you that your article hurt him, but you know it did.
So ask yourself: why did you write it? Why would you talk about your sons in such a derogatory manner? Why would you choose one of the most public forums to do so?
He doesn’t understand why I lumped him and his brother together in my essay. He sees himself as the “good” one, the one who is sensitive and thoughtful, and who listens instead of reacts. He doesn’t understand that even quiet misogyny is misogyny, and that not all sexists sound like Twitter trolls. He is angry at me now, although he won’t admit that either […]
That implies that you have asked him about it. Are you surprised that he will not admit that he is angry with you given your propensity to run to the internet and shame him for disagreeing with your deluded ideology?
[…] and his anger led him to conservative websites and YouTube channels; places where he can surround himself with righteous indignation against feminists, and tell himself it’s ungrateful women like me who are the problem.
Oh thank god he found Sargon of Akkad, Dave Rubin, Steven Crowder, and the Honey Badgers. At least he can listen to someone who will not make him feel like garbage for committing the original sin of being born the wrong sex.
I teeter frequently between supporting my son and educating him. Is it my job as his mother to ensure he feels safe emotionally, no matter what violence he spews?
Is it my job as his mother to steer and educate, no matter how much that education challenges his view of himself?
Yes. What part of “parent” do you not understand?
I think it’s both, but the balance between the two has proven impossible to pinpoint.
No, it is not. The problem is not your sons; the problem is you and your man-hating ideology. This is what happens when you take feminism to its logical conclusion. You wind up emotionally abusing your sons because your ideology makes you think they are the enemy because they are male.
Now I can already hear feminists saying “that’s not my feminism”. Yes, it is. There is no magical difference between your faux milquetoast brand of feminism and the insanity Allard spews. It is the same. It is simply a matter of extremes. You cannot have an ideology that blames half the human species for all the world’s problems, argue that even if individual males do nothing wrong they are still collectively culpable, and offer no means of cleansing this sin and pretend this will not result in people like Allard. No group that functions on an ideology of hate and fear keeps to mere slogans and theory. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering. Here is your proof:
When I hear his voice become defensive, I back off but question whether I’m doing him any favors by allowing his perception of himself to go unchallenged. When I confront him with his own sexism, I question whether I’m pushing too hard and leaving him without an emotional safe space in his home.
What has this child done? According to his mother, he has done nothing. He has committed no crime against any woman. Yet here she is ranting about him becoming “defensive” when she confronts him about his “sexism” that she can never present a concrete example of.
This is what feminism does. It is all that it does.
As a single mother, I sometimes wonder whether the real problem is that my sons have no role models for the type of men I hope they become.
And whose fault is that? Who was the one who could have provided her sons with male role models? But wait:
But when I look around at the men I know, I’m not sure a male partner would fill that hole. Where are these men who are enlightened but not arrogant? Who are feminists without self-congratulation?
That is right. All the men you know, every one of them, are terrible misogynists. Honestly, if you are a man who associates with Jody Allard, unfriend her. Do not talk to her, look at her, or breath in her direction. She may think you are trying to rape her. She will certainly think you are an arrogant, self-congratulating scumbag.
If my sons need role models, they may have to become their own.
You just spent a thousand words complaining that your sons are seeking out their own role models because they reject your retrograde ideology, but now you are fine with them doing so?
I joined Bumble recently, after a six-plus year break from dating.
What grown, undrugged man would want to subject himself to Allard?
I’m not overly interested in dating in the first place, but I’m starved for adult conversation so dating feels like a necessary evil.
Or you could talk to other adults? You do not need to date anyone to have a conversation. How many times must it be said: you are not that stupid.
Bumble, as I explained to my married friends, is like the feminist Tinder. Women have to initiate contact with men, so at least there’s no inbox full of dick picks every day.
There are plenty of vagina-related jokes that I will let readers make themselves.
But, feminist or not, the men are no different from the men anywhere else and I quickly felt deflated. If the feminist men — the men who proudly declare their progressive politics and their fight for quality — aren’t safe, then what man is? No man, I fear.
How do you know they are not any different? How do you know they are not safe? Where are you getting this from?
I know I’m not supposed to cast an entire sex with a single paint brush — not all men, I’m sure some readers are thinking and preparing to type or tweet. But if it’s impossible for a white person to grow up without adopting racist ideas, simply because of the environment in which they live, how can I expect men not to subconsciously absorb at least some degree of sexism? White people aren’t safe, and men aren’t safe, no matter how much I’d like to assure myself that these things aren’t true.
That makes zero sense. It is completely possible for a white person to grow up without adopting racist ideas. The civil rights movement featured hundreds of them. This deluded thinking that every white person is racist because they are white is ironically racist, as is the notion that men are inherently sexist.
Stop projecting your racial and sexual problems onto others. Just because you and your fellow feminists and progressive are a gaggle of racist, sexist bigots does not mean everyone else is.
My sons won’t rape unconscious women behind a dumpster, and neither will most of the progressive men I know.
So what is the problem?
But what all of these men share in common, even my sons, is a relentless questioning and disbelief of the female experience. I do not want to prove my pain, or provide enough evidence to convince anyone that my trauma is merited.
Unfortunately you have to because no one should merely take your word for it. Look at what you claim: “But if it’s impossible for a white person to grow up without adopting racist ideas, simply because of the environment in which they live, how can I expect men not to subconsciously absorb at least some degree of sexism? White people aren’t safe, and men aren’t safe, no matter how much I’d like to assure myself that these things aren’t true.”
When you spout nonsense like that, no one should take you at your word. Your “female experience” is made of pure craziness. In the words of Lewis Black, it is stone-cold fucknuts. No one should believe any of it without evidence.
I’m through wasting my time on people who are more interested in ideas than feelings, and I’m through pretending these people, these men, are safe.
Feels over reals? That is your problem? People care more about the opinions you put out into the ether — the things that affect other people — than they do your precious feelings? How unfair. It is almost as if other people’s experiences and feelings matter just as much as yours.
I love my sons, and I love some individual men.
You do not love your sons. What you have done to your sons four times, including and most egregiously whining about how bad your son’s suicide attempt made you feel while completely ignoring any of the reasons your son tried to take his own life, shows you do not love your sons.
You use them. You manipulate them. You shame them. You humiliate them. You blame them for things they have not and would never do. You scapegoat them. You vilify them. You gaslight them.
You abuse your sons.
You are an emotionally manipulative, narcissistic, likely sociopathic ideologue who craves attention, and so you write very public articles hoping to get any response feed your fragile ego.
If you cared about your sons a tenth as much as you care about “rape culture”, you would have the sense to use a pseudonym when you write articles accusing your sons of being rapists in wait so that they will not have to put up with the negative responses.
But you never thought of that because you do not love your sons. You do not care about them. They are tools to you, nothing more.
It pains me to say that I don’t feel emotionally safe with them […]
I am sure the feeling is mutual, and that is a shame because children should feel safe with their parents. They should be able to share their feelings without fear that they will be attacked or scolded for feeling the wrong thing.
This is not a reflection of something broken or damaged in me […]
Yes, it is. This all comes from you. No one else is responsible for your feelings. That is 100% on you. You decide how you feel, and if you have any trauma experiences that damage your ability to cope with complexity of the world, it is on you to deal with it. It is not some man’s responsibility, and it is certainly not your teenage sons’ responsibility to deal with your nonsense.
[…] it is a reflection of the systems we build and our boys absorb.
No, that is just your warped ideology talking again. Remove the feminism, and everyone would simply consider you another self-adsorbed moron who should be kept as far away from children as the average pedophile.
Those little boys grow into men who know the value of women, the value that’s been ascribed to us by a broken system, and it seeps out from them in a million tiny, toxic ways.
And you wonder why your sons do not listen to you.
I don’t know what the balance is between supporting these men and educating them, but I know the toll it takes on me to try. I am too valuable and too worthy to waste my time on men who are not my flesh and blood.
Yes, it is always about you, is it not? Your sons do not have feelings. They do not need emotional support and balance. Only your feelings matter. I tried to think of a nice way to put it, but cannot, so I will just write it: my child rapist father has more compassion and love for the sons he abused than you do for sons. That is how terrible a person you are.
But as my boys grow into men, I wonder whether I’ve done enough to combat the messages they hear from everyone but me. They are good boys, and maybe that’s the best they can be in the system we’ve created for them.
One can only hope that they make enough money to pay for the decades of therapy they will need to deal with your emotional abuse.
What an absolutely terrible mother.