The price of fear mongering about sex

It is one thing to want to protect people from sexual violence. Sexual abuse is a horrible thing. Even when it appears that someone suffered little physical harm, the psychological damage can devastate a person. It is not merely the violation of one’s body or the way that one’s body may respond to the assault, but also the betrayal of trust. Sexual abuse typically happens at the hands of someone a person knows well. The idea that someone you consider safe would hurt you is a thought most people would rather not imagine.

It is also one thing to make people so terrified of sexual violence that they see every one around them as potential abusers. It takes little effort to take a series of cherry-picked statistics and use them to fear monger. This mentality is particularly popular among progressive groups, who have taken to proclaiming that college campuses are bastions of rape. This argument leads people to believe that a rapist lurks in every crevice, and it is understandable that a person who thinks this way would avoid sex.

It is another thing altogether make someone so afraid of being accused of being a rapist that they would forswear dating and sex altogether. Yet this is what one young man decided to do:

David Sherratt doesn’t want a girlfriend. He doesn’t ever want one. At 18 years old he has given up hope on womankind.

“It’s not for me,” the teenager said.

“I could be missing out on something but I could also be putting myself in danger.”

Sherratt specifically fears this:

David, who is a virgin, is worried he could be accused of rape if he has casual sex.

“There is the risk of false accusation, especially given that I am a political target, given I’m a men’s rights advocate and people know who I am,” he said.


He worries about a so-called ‘yes means yes’ law coming to the UK.

“There are women fighting for a yes means yes law,” he said.

“That would mean a man would have to prove consent. How exactly do you prove that happened?

His prior roommates did not support his views and Sherratt later moved out as a result. His new roommates, according to him, do not care about his views, yet Sherratt remains isolated: Continue reading

Men’s Mental Health

The Honey Badgers hosted a podcast discussion about men’s health several days ago. The show stemmed from an email the Badgers received from a man who feels disconnected because he has trouble making friends. He is a “straight-acting” gay man, and found that other gay men want little to do with him because he doesn’t share their interests and straight men want little to do with him once they find out he is gay.

Allison asked the listeners if any would be interested in supporting him. The outpouring was high, and the Men’s Mental Health show features some of those emails as well as other men sharing their stories of isolation. Continue reading

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Alabama man gets same 119-year sentence as wife for child sex abuse conviction — A registered sex offender from Chilton County last week got the same prison sentence his wife had gotten weeks earlier for the same crime – 119 years in prison for sodomy and sexual abuse of a 9-year-old boy. Lyndon Minot, 56, was sentenced on Oct. 26 by Jefferson County Bessemer Cutoff Circuit Judge David Hobdy to the maximum allowed – 99 years for sodomy and 20 years for sexual abuse, according to court records.

BBC3’s anti-male coverage shows that men’s issues are still not taken seriously — On Monday, BBC3, the corporation’s channel dedicated to teenagers and young adults, aired the latest documentary in its gender season, The Rise of Female Violence, in which presenter Alys Harte explored everything from alcohol-fuelled female street violence to knife attacks by girl gangs and female-perpetrated domestic abuse. At the heart of the show were two questions: ‘Does society treat female-on-male violence less seriously than when the genders are reversed?

Coach ‘groomed’ and sexually assaulted 14-year-old boy — Over three years, a freelance badminton coach groomed a young student and pressured the then-14-year-old to take part in sexual activities with him. The coach, who cannot be named to protect the identity of his victim, is facing 23 charges: 7 counts under the Children and Young Persons Act for committing an indecent act with a child, 15 counts under the Penal Code for sexual assault of a minor and one count for the possession of obscene films. Continue reading

Millions of men have ‘no close friends’

In light of International Men’s Day, I wanted to talk about male friendship. I found an article about a survey about the topic. The Movember Foundation released a survey which found that more than 2.5 million British men have no close friends:

Stoicism and isolation make lonely mates of too many men.

New research by the Movember Foundation reveals that a devastating number of men feel friendless.

The survey found that 51 per cent of respondents – the equivalent of about two and a half million British men – have no close friends.

Being married or middle-aged significantly increases the likelihood that men have no one (apart from their partner, if they are married) they feel they can turn to in a crisis.

I do not agree with the author’s premise that stoicism leads to loneliness. Controlling one’s emotions has little to do with making friends.

I do think that our society’s continued mockery of masculinity and male bonding, as well as the unbalanced focus on women’s needs, can lead to a profound loneliness. We teach boys that turning to other males for their emotional needs is either bad or “gay.” We then force them to place all their emotional dependence on their wife or girlfriend, despite that half of these relationships will end.  Continue reading

1in6 and RAINN Launch Peer SupportGroup to Help Male Survivors

1in6 and RAINN recently co-created a service to allow male survivors to talk with each other and professionals online:

Male survivors of childhood sexual abuse have a new way to find support and community online. 1in6 has partnered with RAINN to launch the Peer SupportGroup (PSG), a new online service for peer-to-peer support among male survivors. This is the second online support service launched by this dynamic partnership, beginning with the Online SupportLine in 2009.

“What started as a dream, where we would be able to provide anonymous, safe, and therapeutically-sound support groups to men in real-time, has become a reality,” said Steve LePore, founder and Executive Director of 1in6.

The first Peer SupportGroup session took place in early October 2015, with positive reviews from both users and moderators. The service functions similar to a group chat, where male survivors of childhood sexual abuse can support other men in their journey of trauma recovery. Men from all over the country can chat back and forth with one another and share their experiences during a 90-minute online session. Each session is moderated by a licensed clinician who provides therapeutically-sound guidance and a “gatekeeper” who has gone through extensive training to ensure the anonymity and safety of every participant.

This an awesome move. Continue reading

Naperville Cops Let Woman Sexually Abuse Boy in Back of Squad Car

According to a lawsuit filed in Will County, two Naperville police officers allowed Desiree Farr to molest a child in the back of their squad car:

On Halloween 2014, the boy, who was in foster care, and an unspecified number of his friends went to the Westbrook Circle home of his birth mother, Dore said. The mother was in the process of moving out and the home was vacant, he said.

Someone called the police and Dore’s client, identified only as “John Doe” in the lawsuit, was allegedly detained as he was leaving the home. His friends were allowed to leave, the suit said, but Doe was placed in the back of a squad car while police waited for his foster mother to arrive.

For reasons neither the lawsuit nor Dore can explain, the officers then allegedly allowed Farr, who lives on Westbrook Circle, according to a subpoena, to get into the squad car with the child.

Farr “did then and there begin to interact with the minor plaintiff in a manner which was inappropriate and sexual in nature in that she did begin kissing (him) upon and about his face and neck; hugging him inappropriately; and touching and rubbing him upon his inner thigh and crotch area in his genital region above his clothing; and taking ‘selfie’ photographs of herself and the minor plaintiff with her cell phone device,” the suit said.

The lawsuit states that the boys did not consent to any of the contact. Continue reading

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Child sex abuse: Therapy seen as key to prevent re-offending — One of those is the Building Better Lives (BBL) sex offender programme delivered in Arbour Hill prison by a team of psychologists. It has three components: exploring, practising, and maintaining better lives. The Exploring Better Lives (EBL) programme is carried out over two months, after which the six-month Practicing Better Lives (PBL) programme is taken. The final four-month Maintaining Better Lives (MBL) programme is taken a minimum of one year after completion of the PBL.

Domestic Violence: Speak Out for Male Victims — Domestic violence is prevalent in the United States. Cases are on the news and in courthouses across the nation every day. What is not often talked about is domestic violence toward men and it is time for them to speak out. Any man–straight, gay, bisexual, transgender, etc.–should be allowed the same resources and protection as women. According to a survey done by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) in 2012, one in four males have reported being victims of domestic violence.

Dublin Scout leader jailed for abuse of boys on camping trips — David O’Brien (63) would unzip the boys’ sleeping bags during the night, reach under their pyjamas and fondle their private parts. He forced one boy to masturbate him in secluded areas on different trips and inserted two fingers in and out of the child’s anus during another assault, according to Garda Sheila White. Dublin Circuit Criminal Court heard that he also clasped his hand around another boy’s mouth as he fondled him on a separate trip. O’Brien, of Benburb Street, pleaded guilty to ten counts of indecently assaulting six males in Dublin, Kilkenny and Cork between 1975 and 1980. He has no previous convictions. Continue reading