I had a robust discussion on another thread concerning adult women having sex with teen boys. One commenters named Terry argued that most teen boys would love to have sex with an older woman. My position is that while most boys may fantasize about this, the reality of the situation proves untenable. The boys are not prepared for the situation, particularly the way in which adults will manipulate teens to get what they want.
Terry argued while this may be true for a small number of boys, most boys are “pussy hounds” and would face no trauma from a sexual encounter with older women. A recent case shows why that is untrue:
A former educational assistant who was working at Sir Robert Borden High School in Ottawa has been sentenced to 14 months in jail for sexually exploiting a student over a two-year period.
Katherine Kitts, 46, was arrested in October 2014 after a mother found sexually explicit texts on her son’s phone and contacted police with concerns about Kitts’s relationship with him.
The offences happened between April 2012 and April 2014 while Kitts was working at Sir Robert Borden High School. She had sex with the student repeatedly throughout those years, including in Kitts’s van, parked off school property.
Kitts was initially charged with sexual assault, sexual exploitation and telecommunication with a person under 18, but after pleading guilty to sexual exploitation in March, the other two charges were stayed.
Kitt’s lawyer asked for a 90-day intermittent sentence, meaning Kitt would go to jail on the weekends or a few days during the week, followed by probation. The lawyer claimed the abuse was unusual and out of Kitt’s character. The judge did not buy it, and with good reason.
Kitt abused the then 16-year-old boy over the course of two years. Her actions were not one-off, impromptu sexual romps. She exchanged 15,000 text messages with her victim. She attempted to keep the interactions a secret. She also intended to continue to the sexual abuse, going to the point of putting an inflatable mattress in her van.
At this point, Terry and those who think like him would argue that there is nothing wrong. It is merely a healthy expression of a woman’s sexuality with a willing teen boy. Yet as I noted on the other post, these situations are rarely so benign. The adult often manipulates the teen. Kitt is no exception:
In a statement read in court by the Crown in March, the victim said Kitts threatened to fail him if he ended things.
There goes the harmless fun. If there were really about sex or a genuine love for this boy, why would Kitt threaten to fail the boy? It appears Kitt had little interest in the boy as a person, and more interest in the boy as a hormone-driven living dildo. That the boy might have had genuine feelings for Kitt does not seem to factor in. All that mattered, based on what the article presents, is that Kitt got what she wanted and made sure that no one would catch her.
Had it ended at Kitt trying to hide the interactions, one could argue that there may not have been any psychologically abusive element at play. The moment, however, when Kitt decided to use the boy’s grades a way of keeping him silent, she revealed her true motives.
The boy recounted how this affected him:
“My innocence was destroyed by Mrs. Kitts,” the boy said in the statement.
The court heard Tuesday how the victim ‘drifted away’ from friends and family at the time because he was afraid they would find out what was happening.
He was also scared to go away to play sports because she might “snatch him,” the court heard.
Keep in mind, this was a 16-year-old boy. According to people like Terry, this boy should want sex with adult women every minute of every day. Yet here the boy describes fear of this woman constantly coming after him and fear of his friends discovering the truth.
Chances are that if we were to look at the text messages the pair exchanged their sexual encounters did not include any physical force. Chances are the boy initially went along with it. He may have thought he had everything under control.
Clearly he did not. When it got to the point where he had enough, all his “pussy hound” tendencies could not protect him. He lacked the experience or wherewithal to end their “relationship”. When Kitt decided to threaten him with something that would obviously get her fired, it worked on the boy.
It worked not because her threat was true, but because her victim was young enough and inexperienced enough for the threat of bad grades make him keep his mouth shut.
And again, this was a 16-year-old boy.
This was precisely why I stated in the comments on the other post, “It is not a question of whether teen boys are ready for sex. They are not. Their bodies may want to have sex and they may think about it constantly, but […] few of them are prepared for sex, let alone an adult relationship. We see time and time again how boys and girls who willing engage in such acts end up being used and exploited by the adults. This is particularly true for boys […]. They think they are in control and can handle it. When the reality of the situation actually hits them, that tends to fall apart. They realize the mess they are in and often cannot get out of it because the adult has the mental and social wherewithal to manipulate them.”
That is what happened here. This is the very reason why it wrong for adult women to have sex with teen boys. No matter how much boys’ bodies tell them to sex have, their minds are not mentally prepared to deal with the situation, particularly with an adult. It takes so little to manipulate them, even as they are entering adulthood, it is almost laughable.
Anyone who thinks that it would be right for an adult to have sex with a teenager because the teenager “wants” it demonstrates a severe lack of understanding and common sense.
These situations do not end well.