A Band of Brothers

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There are many men and boys who experience abuse in their lives. They often do not have a place to talk about those experiences. This post is a space for that.

Any man or boy who wants to share his experiences of sexual abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse, bullying, and harassment may do so here. You may submit your story as a comment. You can use your own name, a pseudonym, or remain anonymous.
You may share whatever you feel comfortable with, be it your whole story or just a moment.

The purpose of this post is show people what men and boys go through. It is to shed light on the truth of those experiences and shatter the stereotypes of about them.

I will moderate all comments and remove any that are not from men or not on topic. This just to make sure the comments are only from men and only about their stories.

(A note to those posting: if you use profanity, the comment will automatically go into moderation. This applies to all comments on this blog, so it is nothing personal. Once I see the comment, I will approve it.)

Man freed after 19 years of wrongful imprisonment

A jury convicted Jerry Lee Brock of child molestation in 1995. They reached their decision based on the testimony of then 11-year-old Regina Rush. Rush claimed that Brock molested her as she slept. As a result of prior convictions for burglary and promoting prostitution, Brock received life in prison under the “three-strikes” law.

However, there was a problem: there was no abuse. Rush lied. She waited until 2012 to come forward, writing a six-page letter explaining her actions:

She said she made up the story because she wanted attention from her mother and because she worried that Brock was a drug user and a bad influence on her mom.

Price held a hearing Nov. 10 to assess Rush’s credibility. Now 31 and a mother herself, she testified under oath, detailing that she had previously been taken away from her mother due to her mother’s drug use, and she didn’t want it to happen again.

“Ms. Rush testified that she realized just how wrong it is to make such serious false accusations,” the judge wrote in his order Thursday. “The dishonesty was eating away at her inside and she didn’t want to carry that burden any longer. … She simply wanted to clear her conscience.”

Interesting how it took nearly 20 years for Rush to want to clear her conscience. Continue reading

A Dose of Stupid v103

It happens every day. In fact, it is pretty hard to avoid it. There are some things that can only be understood with a slap on the forehead. Things so mind-boggling that one wonders how humans managed to evolve thumbs while being this mentally inept. Case in point:

A 12 Year-Old Boy’s First Kiss Shouldn’t Be With a Grown Woman

I was ready to agree with that statement until I saw what it referred to:

That little peck was nothing. It is hardly worth mentioning. It certainly does not rise to the level of child rape . And yet Joanna Schroeder could not help herself: Continue reading

These aren’t the nerds you’re looking for

In my previous post, I discussed the first part of Noah Brand’s series on nerds. As I noted, Brand’s argument can be summed up as gamers are losers who were born losers, will die losers, and not even other losers will mourn them.

He attempts to show sympathy towards male geeks, yet instead falls into the ever common feminist mistake of bashing the people he claims to want to help. In his second part, Brand goes full McIntosh.

First, Brand graces us with an excellent Freudian slip:

In part one of this article, we talked about the cluster of people who are, or believe themselves to me, permanently awkward and socially nonfunctional, people who need simple and consistent rules for interactions.

I believe the proper English would be “or believe themselves to be,” however, the mistake is quite revealing. Geeks do not think themselves permanently awkward and socially dysfunctional. They usually think themselves misunderstood.

They’ve tried to make spaces for themselves within geek/nerd culture, where they don’t have to be acceptable to other people, and they respond with rage when they feel those spaces have been violated by “outsiders”.

Geeks did not create a space where they could be unacceptable; they created a space where they would be accepted. They usually have little problem with “outsiders” coming into that space, as long as the “outsiders” respect it. However, many of the “outsiders” do not respect the space. These people only want to control it. They often demonstrate this by harassing and mocking the community, which is ironically the reason the community exists.

Their experience of outsiders, and especially of women, is that they cause pain, therefore causing them pain is justifiable.

That is a very poor strawman. Most geeks do not attack “outsiders” or women, despite the pain they suffer. If they did, few people would target them for abuse. After all, it is unwise to abuse someone who will fight back. Better to abuse those one knows will do nothing, hence Brand’s two condescending articles. Continue reading

Rebranding nerdom as “rage”

Noah Brand resurfaced on the Good Men Project to remind everyone that gamers are losers who were born losers, will die losers, and not even other losers will mourn them.

And that is just the first part of the series.

The amount of condescension and projection in the article is stunning. I agree that the “notion that one is either the bully or the bullied, and it’s impossible to be both, lies deep in a lot of thinking, and it’s a trap. Indeed, it’s one of the primary intellectual sins of social justice movements, when we imply one is either the oppressor or the oppressed, but never both.” The article is an excellent example of that.

It is also precisely what it looks like to bully someone. Brand’s article is yet another body in the three-month-long feminist pile-on on gamers. Feminists took to the gamer hate with a glee and fervor not seen since someone dared suggest some women lie about rape.

Brand attempts to show sympathy towards gamers, yet his definition of sympathy proves fleeting: Continue reading

Bulletin Board v243

Alabama Baptists call for prison reform, noting overcrowding and sex abuse — The Alabama Baptist Convention passed a resolution today calling for prison reform in Alabama. “We do believe crime merits punishment, but incarcerated criminals need to be treated humanely,” said the Rev. Roger Willmore, chairman of the resolutions committee. Alabama Baptists “call upon the governor, attorney general, and Alabama Legislature to seek ways to end abuse in Alabama prisons,” the resolution said.

Former teacher sentenced to six years in prison for sexually abusing 25 young boys — A former teacher at Terra Nova School in Holmes Chapel has been sentenced to six years and nine months in jail for sexually abusing 25 boys he taught in the 1970s. Keith Cavendish-Coulson, 71, of Crookham Hill, Crookham Common in Berkshire, pleaded guilty yesterday to 42 counts of indecent assault on boys who were aged between eight and 13.

I was victim of abuse in boys’ home, Jean McConville’s son tells inquiry — The son of a woman “disappeared” by the IRA has claimed he was sexually abused at a boys’ home in Co Down. Billy McConville was six when he went to Rubane House after his mother was abducted, murdered and secretly buried by the IRA in 1972. Jean McConville’s body was recovered on a beach in Co Louth in August 2003. Continue reading

Bulletin Board v242

$13.5M for Jehovah’s Witness sex victim — A San Diego judge has found that the governing body of the Jehovah’s Witness church covered up years of sexual abuse by a local church leader and continued to put children in danger of being molested, a ruling likely to echo across the country as alleged victims from other congregations take similar cases to court.

Ala. woman charged with sodomizing two young boys, sexually abusing young girl — According to an Oct. 29 report from The Call News in Mobile County, 25-year-old Brandie Renee Smith of Chunchula, Alabama, was arrested at her home on Stagecoach Drive by deputies with the Mobile County Sheriff’s Office and charged with multiple child sex abuse crimes. Those crimes include six counts of sexual abuse of a child under 12 and two counts of first-degree sodomy. Smith was arrested and charged on Friday.

Dispelling the myths of male sexual abuse and offering hope — Sexual violence of males is not uncommon. About one in six males experience some form of sexual violence at some point in their lives. Reports of male childhood sexual abuse are under-reported. Sexual assault is a crime of power and control, not a crime of passion or sex. Adult sexual contact with young boys and adolescents is sexual abuse, not sexual initiation. Being sexually abused as a child does not mean you will become a sexual offender. Continue reading

You’re Not Helping v.26

After Kevin Williamson’s review of Lena Dunham’s memoir made news, I wondered how long it would take before feminists defended Dunham’s alleged actions. As I mentioned in my prior post, Dunham recounts in her memoir several instances of sexual activity between her and her younger sister. The incident that sparked controversy involved a then seven-year-old Dunham attempting to look inside her one-year-old sister’s vagina.

It only took a few days for feminist supporters of Dunham to rally to her side. Slate’s Melinda Wenner Moyer gives the most fervent defense. In her article, Moyer states:

Williamson hardly has the authority to call [Dunham's sexual activity with her sister] sexual abuse—a claim that should not be thrown around lightly. Not only does he not have a background in human sexuality or child psychology, but it also seems he didn’t consult with anyone who does, or he would have quickly learned that Dunham’s behavior as a youngster was normal. “This is clearly not a case of abuse,” says developmental psychologist Ritch Savin-Williams, director of the Sex and Gender Lab at Cornell University. “Children have been doing this stuff forever and ever and ever and ever, and they will do it forever and ever and ever.”

Given that Williamson considers the activity abuse, would it not have been wiser to consult a person familiar with childhood sexual abuse? Dr. Savin-Williams focuses on gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender youth. This is not to say that his insights are unhelpful, only that they may be skewed in favor of his political concerns.

Savin-Williams is correct that children have engaged in sexual activity with each other for the length of humanity’s existence. However, we are not talking about all children. We are talking about a specific situation: for over a decade an older child repeatedly engaged in sexual activity with a child six years her younger. That is not normal. Continue reading