There are many men and boys who experience abuse in their lives. They often do not have a place to talk about those experiences. This post is a space for that.
Any man or boy who wants to share his experiences of sexual abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse, bullying, and harassment may do so here. You may submit your story as a comment. You can use your own name, a pseudonym, or remain anonymous.
You may share whatever you feel comfortable with, be it your whole story or just a moment.
The purpose of this post is show people what men and boys go through. It is to shed light on the truth of those experiences and shatter the stereotypes of about them.
I will moderate all comments and remove any that are not from men or not on topic. This just to make sure the comments are only from men and only about their stories.
(A note to those posting: if you use profanity, the comment will automatically go into moderation. This applies to all comments on this blog, so it is nothing personal. Once I see the comment, I will approve it.)
Often times people want to help others but do not know how. This cannot be any truer than when it comes to helping abused men and boys. The resources sometimes are not apparent and are often difficult to find. Sometimes the resources are hidden or even barred by other groups who wish to polarize the issue. The intent here is to provide those who wish to help male victims with the opportunity to do so. Every month I will post a new link to an organization that provides services for male victims. As the list grows, I will create a page where all the links can be found.
Please remember that you do no have to empty your wallets to help. Even a small donation can go a long way. And for those on the other side of the issue, it would go a long way to demonstrating real concern for all victims if you donated as well.
JDI works to end the sexual abuse of all detainees, in the U.S. and internationally. When the government takes away someone’s freedom, it has a responsibility to protect that person’s safety. All inmates have the right be treated with dignity. No matter what crime someone has committed, sexual violence must never be part of the penalty.
The reason JDI does this work is simple: sexual abuse in detention is a perversion of justice and an affront to our society’s essential values. But sexual abuse in detention is preventable. It is possible to put an end to this type of violence. JDI is the only organization in the U.S., and perhaps in the world, that focuses exclusively on ending rape behind bars.
I wrote about former NFL cheerleader Elizabeth Garner in March. Garner got a 12-year-old boy drunk and attempted to perform oral sex on him. Her punishment:
A former NFL cheerleader who allegedly tried to perform oral sex on a 12-year-old boy took a plea deal that will spare her jail time. [...] Garner was arrested on March 14 on charges of aggravated sexual battery and solicitation of a minor for rape of a child. Those charges were later reduced to a single felony count of reckless endangerment. According to the terms of the plea deal, Garner must attend Alcoholics Anonymous meetings two times a week, undergo regular drug testing and have no contact with the alleged victim or his family. If Garner stays out of trouble for 18 months, the reckless endangerment charge will likely be expunged from her record, the court clerk said.
Not only does Garner receive no prison time, but she will also have the assault wiped from her record. It is difficult to imagine a man receiving similar treatment, particularly after getting a child drunk.
I am curious as to why the prosecutor accepted such a toothless plea deal. It is possible that the victim wanted nothing more to do with the case. It is also possible that the prosecutor had little evidence to work with. However, the dropping of the sex offense charges smacks of trying to get the case done and over with.
Bill Donohue, president of the Catholic League for Religious and Civil Rights, thinks the media has a double standard when it comes to clergy abuse:
There is no organization in the nation today that has less of a problem with sexual abuse of minors than the Catholic church. But one would never know that by listening to late-night talk show hosts, and the likes of Bill Maher. They would have the audience believe that nothing has changed. To top things off, the media often fail to adequately report on this problem in the non-Catholic population.
Other people have played the “they do it, too” card, but before I get to that I want to address Donohue’s claim that sexual abuse in the Catholic church is “practically nonexistent in the Catholic church today.” In the article, Donohue writes:
The timeline for the lion’s share of abuse cases is not in doubt: the mid-1960s to the mid-1980s. This was when the sexual revolution hit our culture like a tidal wave, engulfing even Catholic seminaries; it ended soon after the discovery of AIDS in 1981.
Donohue likely got that idea from the John Jay College of Criminal Justice studies released in 2011 concerning sexual violence in the Catholic church. The first dealt with the nature of the abuse, and the second dealt with the cause. As I noted in my post about the second study, the researchers concluded that cultural changes at that time (the 1960s and 1970s) led to an increase in abuse, yet they offered no evidence supporting that conclusion. They listed other cultural issues as well, but presented no proof coming directly from offending priests. Continue reading →
CNN ran an article about Jack Williams, a Vietnam-era veteran who faces numerous physical and mental health issues as a result of rape.
According to the article, Williams’ assistant drill sergeant raped then 18-year-old Williams several times while he was in training:
In the dead of night, the assistant drill sergeant woke Williams and ordered him to a second-floor office.
Williams stood before the sergeant in his government-issue T-shirt and boxers. He stared straight ahead, like he was supposed to. Suddenly, the sergeant choked him, threw him on the floor.
“He was all over me. He was raping me.”
After it was over, Williams cleaned himself up and went back to bed.
“In the military, everyone pulls together. I did not want to be the one who let everyone down.”
The article states that the cadets were cut off from the outside world. They were not allowed any calenders or watches, nor were they allowed to make phone calls or leave the base. Williams kept the rape to himself. The sergeant came back several days later. This time, the sergeant beat Williams and knee-dropped him in the kidneys. Williams later fell on rocks during a training session, making the injuries worse. Continue reading →
65,000 images seized in shocking ‘boy lovers’ network — MEN aged from 22 to 76 – including teachers, accountants, bank managers and tradies, were among the Queenslanders arrested as part of a global child exploitation ring. Queensland police said more than 30 people have been charged on more than 200 offences in what was described as a ‘boy lovers’ network. During Operation Taskforce Argus there were 65,000 images. In Canada, 45 terrabytes of data – all involving the abuse of young boys – the equivalent of 15,000 DVDS – was seized.
Clubs and gyms targeted to help male victims of domestic abuse — Police are to target sports clubs and gyms to urge men who are suffering domestic abuse to seek help. Leicestershire Police is delivering leaflets to venues popular with men across the city and county to spread the message that help is available to victims. In 2011, about 11 per cent – 321 – of the victims of the 2,800 domestic crimes reported to Leicestershire Police were men. Research has shown that men are less likely than women to seek help.
Double standard: Society views female predators and their male victims differently — The exuberant comments were left on a story about a 27-year-old Catholic school teacher accused of raping a 14-year-old. “Boy, did I go to the wrong schools!” said one. “I wish I had just ONE teacher like this!!!” said another. “I wish it happened to me when I was a teen in grade school,” said a third. It’s a sentiment unlikely to be expressed when the perpetrator is a man and the victim a teen or preteen girl.
Ex-politician guilty of child sex abuse says 18-year prison term ‘unreasonable’ — A former city councillor in Saint John, N.B., convicted of sexually abusing and making pornographic images of boys for more than a decade is appealing his 18-year prison term, saying the sentence is excessive. “The sentence was unreasonable and in excess of the appropriate range in all circumstances,” Donnie Snook says in a notice of appeal filed with the provincial Court of Appeal in Fredericton. Continue reading →