There are many men and boys who experience abuse in their lives. They often do not have a place to talk about those experiences. This post is a space for that.
Any man or boy who wants to share his experiences of sexual abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse, bullying, and harassment may do so here. You may submit your story as a comment. You can use your own name, a pseudonym, or remain anonymous.
You may share whatever you feel comfortable with, be it your whole story or just a moment.
The purpose of this post is show people what men and boys go through. It is to shed light on the truth of those experiences and shatter the stereotypes of about them.
I will moderate all comments and remove any that are not from men or not on topic. This just to make sure the comments are only from men and only about their stories.
(A note to those posting: if you use profanity, the comment will automatically go into moderation. This applies to all comments on this blog, so it is nothing personal. Once I see the comment, I will approve it.)
I asked the question as a result of a debate that happened on a popular anti-male feminist blog. I mentioned the abuse my feminist aunt subjected me to, and the feminists on the site proceeded to deny my aunt’s feminist status, deny that feminism played a role in her actions and attitude towards me and other males, and later deny that I was abused at all.
I the question because of a basic truth about feminism that I noted in my previous article:
This is the the same feminism that teaches that men collectively oppress women for the sole purpose of keeping all the power for themselves. The same feminism that claims that every male, regardless of his age or social status, benefits from this “patriarchy” at women’s expense. The same feminism that holds the fraction of men with power and the fraction men who commit violence as representative of the whole male population. The same feminism that views men as the ultimate enemy, one to be feared, distrusted, and suspected.
Would it surprise anyone that an ideology espousing that kind of hatred might cause a person to hurt someone?
After Completing A 12-Year Sentence, A Texas Man Is Cleared By DNA — There aren’t many cheery occasions in criminal courts. But on Friday morning, Judge Gracie Lewis’ courtroom in Dallas, Tex., was packed with reporters, well-wishers and other exonerated men. And joy filled the room. Craig Watkins, the district attorney of Dallas County, walked over to where Michael Phillips sat in his wheelchair and apologized for the state of Texas.
Ban on male child carers considered after ‘horrific’ abuse case — The South Australian government is prepared to consider radical laws, including banning men from working as child carers, after a carer was accused of horrific child sex abuse. A 32-year-old Adelaide man employed by Families SA has been charged with seven counts of unlawful sexual intercourse with young children under his watch at a residential care facility.
Boy, 8, to mom: ‘You’re going to kill me,’ LMPD report says — An 8-year-old boy told his mother, “You’re going to kill me,” as she allegedly strangled him with a rope. That’s what a Louisville Metro Police arrest report said after the arrest of Kimberly Anderson, 40, for attempted murder and criminal abuse. On the afternoon of July 22, officers were dispatched to the 6900 block of Rock Hollow Drive after Anderson called police, saying she strangled the little boy. Anderson told officers she contemplated killing the victim with a knife or a rope, but finally decided on the rope because he would “just pass out,” the report said. Continue reading →
30 Years of Abuse — RAMPANT abuse, including of a sexual nature, at the St Michael’s Home for Boys in Diego Martin is not a recent phenomena and has been going on, at the very least, for the past 30 years, a former inmate told Newsday yesterday. The ex-inmate, now a happily married, gainfully employed father in his mid-40s, who owns his own home and car, spoke on the basis of strict anonymity with Newsday yesterday.
Abused boy ate insects to survive, ‘looked like Holocaust victim,’ police say — A 7-year-old Pennsylvania boy who reportedly was nearly starved to death, suffered regular beatings and resorted to eating insects has been released from the hospital and is now in foster care, WPXI-TV – Pittsburgh reports. Child welfare workers, responding to a complaint, found the child looking like a human skeleton in a home in Greenville last month, police said.
An abuse victim’s new book shatters an unholy vow of silence — ‘Sworn to Silence’ a recollectuion of the clerical abuse of a boy, reflects on blame and shame in 1970s Ireland, says Dan Buckley. BLESS me, Father, for I have sinned. Those are the words that the Catholic Church authorities in Ireland expected of a 14-year-old boy as his response to years of abuse by paedophile priest Brendan Smyth. “I knew that the quizzing about confession was all about me and my fault,” says Brendan Boland, now 53, in Sworn To Silence, his memoir published today. Continue reading →
The Guardian published an article titled Male rape: the last human rights taboo. Rich McEachran questions why NGOs pay so little attention to sexual violence against men and boys despite growing concern for the problem:
There is a disconcerting disparity between how various aid organisations and NGOs are dealing, or are failing to deal, with the issue. On a macro-level, organisations may not be aware of what they’re looking for and may not see how male rape fits into the bigger picture. It may come as a surprise that the UN only changed its own definition of rape to cover male victims, in 2011; this followed the publication of an article in The Observer.
NGOs at a micro-level, some of whom are already working with male survivors – the Refugee Law Project for instance – face major obstacles, such as acquiring funding and carrying out field work or accessing survivors in remote areas. The author of the aforementioned article spoke to Chris Dolan, the director of RLP, who claimed that one of the project’s donors refused to provide future funding if 70% of the client base wasn’t female.
Despite the fear of losing funding, the pervasiveness of the problem (academic Lara Stemple writes that male sexual violence has been used as a weapon of war from Chile to Iran, Kuwait to Uganda) means that the humanitarian community needs to challenge perceptions of rape, improve understanding and create awareness.
Yet that may be difficult to do given the gendered focus on sexual violence. As McEachran notes in the article, many NGOs use gendered language to refer to victims of sexual violence. Even in instances in which NGOs acknowledge the existence of abused men and boys, little of their literature mentions those experiences. Continue reading →
Alleged victim tells court of abuse by five different paedophiles in youth — An elderly Dublin man has gone on trial accused of sexually abusing a boy and paying him money in a flat over thirty years ago. The alleged victim told a jury today that he was abused by five different paedophiles during his youth, including the accused. The accused man (73) has pleaded not guilty at Dublin Circuit Criminal Court to indecently assaulting the male, who was aged between 11 and 13 years old, on dates from October 1983 to June 1985.
Boy Found in Basement Alleges Long-Term Abuse by Parents — When a 12-year-old Detroit boy went missing on June 14 and was found 11 days later, it should have been a day to rejoice. Instead, his discovery in the family’s basement has turned into weeks of unanswered questions, with some unsettling information about what the child’s life may have been like.
Defence taskforce finds appalling abuse — TEENAGE recruit Graham’s life was ruined on the night he was raped twice at a West Australian naval training base and he’s lived with the trauma ever since. THE appalling abuse of Graham and other junior sailors as young as 15 was all too common at HMAS Leeuwin, the Defence Abuse Response Taskforce (DART) says. Their stories could now be referred to the ongoing royal commission into child sex abuse, with many parallels to the effects of abuse by pedophile priests and others emerging from the hearings. Continue reading →
It happens every day. In fact, it is pretty hard to avoid it. There are some things that can only be understood with a slap on the forehead. Things so mind-boggling that one wonders how humans managed to evolve thumbs while being this mentally inept. Case in point:
This all began with a Buzzfeed article featuring selfies by women proclaiming that they do not need feminism. The article made the internet rounds, irritating many feminists in the process. Most of the counter criticism rested on the unsubstantiated claim that none of the women in the pictures knew anything about feminism. Marcotte, however, used a different approach. Rather than simply claim that the women against feminism were clueless, Marcotte created a host of strawmen and proceeded to not knock them down.
For example, one woman wrote:
That is rather specific. Yet Marcotte decides to bring up violence against men:
I’m guessing that this “just tell them to fuck off” approach doesn’t apply to situations where men could be victims. Mugging is a criminal offense that deserves social policies to address it, because men are understood to be equally victimized.
Nothing in the woman’s statement says anything about physical violence. The comment referred to a boy saying something “mean and sexist.” Where is the physical violence in that? Why would one need a social policy to fend off an insult? Continue reading →
Allan emailed me a video of Rick Goodwin’s talk about male victims of sexual abuse and building the Men’s Project. It is worth viewing. It gives an insight into the things abused men and their advocates face when trying to create services for them.