A Band of Brothers

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There are many men and boys who experience abuse in their lives. They often do not have a place to talk about those experiences. This post is a space for that.

Any man or boy who wants to share his experiences of sexual abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse, bullying, and harassment may do so here. You may submit your story as a comment. You can use your own name, a pseudonym, or remain anonymous.
You may share whatever you feel comfortable with, be it your whole story or just a moment.

The purpose of this post is show people what men and boys go through. It is to shed light on the truth of those experiences and shatter the stereotypes of about them.

I will moderate all comments and remove any that are not from men or not on topic. This just to make sure the comments are only from men and only about their stories.

(A note to those posting: if you use profanity, the comment will automatically go into moderation. This applies to all comments on this blog, so it is nothing personal. Once I see the comment, I will approve it.)

Bulletin Board v232

30 Years of Abuse — RAMPANT abuse, including of a sexual nature, at the St Michael’s Home for Boys in Diego Martin is not a recent phenomena and has been going on, at the very least, for the past 30 years, a former inmate told Newsday yesterday. The ex-inmate, now a happily married, gainfully employed father in his mid-40s, who owns his own home and car, spoke on the basis of strict anonymity with Newsday yesterday.

Abused boy ate insects to survive, ‘looked like Holocaust victim,’ police say — A 7-year-old Pennsylvania boy who reportedly was nearly starved to death, suffered regular beatings and resorted to eating insects has been released from the hospital and is now in foster care, WPXI-TV – Pittsburgh reports. Child welfare workers, responding to a complaint, found the child looking like a human skeleton in a home in Greenville last month, police said.

An abuse victim’s new book shatters an unholy vow of silence — ‘Sworn to Silence’ a recollectuion of the clerical abuse of a boy, reflects on blame and shame in 1970s Ireland, says Dan Buckley. BLESS me, Father, for I have sinned. Those are the words that the Catholic Church authorities in Ireland expected of a 14-year-old boy as his response to years of abuse by paedophile priest Brendan Smyth. “I knew that the quizzing about confession was all about me and my fault,” says Brendan Boland, now 53, in Sworn To Silence, his memoir published today. Continue reading

The last human rights taboo?

Originally posted on July 2, 2013

The Guardian published an article titled Male rape: the last human rights taboo. Rich McEachran questions why NGOs pay so little attention to sexual violence against men and boys despite growing concern for the problem:

There is a disconcerting disparity between how various aid organisations and NGOs are dealing, or are failing to deal, with the issue. On a macro-level, organisations may not be aware of what they’re looking for and may not see how male rape fits into the bigger picture. It may come as a surprise that the UN only changed its own definition of rape to cover male victims, in 2011; this followed the publication of an article in The Observer.

NGOs at a micro-level, some of whom are already working with male survivors – the Refugee Law Project for instance – face major obstacles, such as acquiring funding and carrying out field work or accessing survivors in remote areas. The author of the aforementioned article spoke to Chris Dolan, the director of RLP, who claimed that one of the project’s donors refused to provide future funding if 70% of the client base wasn’t female.

Despite the fear of losing funding, the pervasiveness of the problem (academic Lara Stemple writes that male sexual violence has been used as a weapon of war from Chile to Iran, Kuwait to Uganda) means that the humanitarian community needs to challenge perceptions of rape, improve understanding and create awareness.

Yet that may be difficult to do given the gendered focus on sexual violence. As McEachran notes in the article, many NGOs use gendered language to refer to victims of sexual violence. Even in instances in which NGOs acknowledge the existence of abused men and boys, little of their literature mentions those experiences. Continue reading

Bulletin Board v231

Alleged victim tells court of abuse by five different paedophiles in youth — An elderly Dublin man has gone on trial accused of sexually abusing a boy and paying him money in a flat over thirty years ago. The alleged victim told a jury today that he was abused by five different paedophiles during his youth, including the accused. The accused man (73) has pleaded not guilty at Dublin Circuit Criminal Court to indecently assaulting the male, who was aged between 11 and 13 years old, on dates from October 1983 to June 1985.

Boy Found in Basement Alleges Long-Term Abuse by Parents — When a 12-year-old Detroit boy went missing on June 14 and was found 11 days later, it should have been a day to rejoice. Instead, his discovery in the family’s basement has turned into weeks of unanswered questions, with some unsettling information about what the child’s life may have been like.

Defence taskforce finds appalling abuse — TEENAGE recruit Graham’s life was ruined on the night he was raped twice at a West Australian naval training base and he’s lived with the trauma ever since. THE appalling abuse of Graham and other junior sailors as young as 15 was all too common at HMAS Leeuwin, the Defence Abuse Response Taskforce (DART) says. Their stories could now be referred to the ongoing royal commission into child sex abuse, with many parallels to the effects of abuse by pedophile priests and others emerging from the hearings. Continue reading

A Dose of Stupid v100

It happens every day. In fact, it is pretty hard to avoid it. There are some things that can only be understood with a slap on the forehead. Things so mind-boggling that one wonders how humans managed to evolve thumbs while being this mentally inept. Case in point:

Amanda Marcotte responds to women who are against feminism

This all began with a Buzzfeed article featuring selfies by women proclaiming that they do not need feminism. The article made the internet rounds, irritating many feminists in the process. Most of the counter criticism rested on the unsubstantiated claim that none of the women in the pictures knew anything about feminism. Marcotte, however, used a different approach. Rather than simply claim that the women against feminism were clueless, Marcotte created a host of strawmen and proceeded to not knock them down.

For example, one woman wrote:

against-feminism-1
That is rather specific. Yet Marcotte decides to bring up violence against men:

I’m guessing that this “just tell them to fuck off” approach doesn’t apply to situations where men could be victims. Mugging is a criminal offense that deserves social policies to address it, because men are understood to be equally victimized.

Nothing in the woman’s statement says anything about physical violence. The comment referred to a boy saying something “mean and sexist.” Where is the physical violence in that? Why would one need a social policy to fend off an insult? Continue reading

A good talk about male survivor resources

Allan emailed me a video of Rick Goodwin’s talk about male victims of sexual abuse and building the Men’s Project. It is worth viewing. It gives an insight into the things abused men and their advocates face when trying to create services for them.

Stop child porn by creating child porn?

This is an excellent example of what happens when you create a law of convenience. The mother of a 15-year-old girl filed a complaint against her daughter’s 17-year-old boyfriend after she found a video of an erect penis on the girl’s phone. This prompted the state to arrest the boy, but because of a mistake the boy was released. The state re-arrested him, and then decided that they proof it was him on the video. So:

The case was set for trial on July 1, where Foster said Assistant Commonwealth’s Attorney Claiborne Richardson told her that her client must either plead guilty or police would obtain another search warrant “for pictures of his erect penis,” for comparison to the evidence from the teen’s cell phone. Foster asked how that would be accomplished and was told that “we just take him down to the hospital, give him a shot and then take the pictures that we need.”

That violates a host of laws, most notably the child pornography statute the state charged the boy under. No one is allowed to take incident photos of children. Yet the state apparently already violated this. According to the boy’s lawyer, when the police re-arrested the boy they took photos of his genitals without his consent. That would count as sexual battery, depending on how they obtained the photos. Continue reading

Matt Sandusky speaks out about his abuse

According to the Huffington Post, Matt Sandusky will speak with Oprah Winfrey about his abuse at the hands of Jerry Sandusky. The interview is set to air on July 17 on the Oprah Winfrey Network:

In the interview, Matthew — currently married and a father himself — will describe the grooming patterns and routines he endured while being raised by Jerry and Dottie Sandusky.

The Post says Matthew will respond to Dottie Sandusky’s accustions against her husband’s victims and share details on Jerry Sandusky’s nightly ritual. He is one of six children Jerry and Dottie Sandusky adopted.

Readers may recall that Matt was originally supposed to testify as a defense witness. During the trial, he told investigators that Jerry had abused him starting when he was 8-years-old. This switch came as a surprise for Jerry and his wife Dottie.

I suspected that Jerry had abused Matt. It seems unlikely that a serial abuser would target random boys that he had to work to groom, but never a boy he had immediate access to. While I am sure it does occur, I simply find it more probable that an opportunistic offender like Jerry would offend whenever the opportunity rose.

I also find it unlikely that Dottie knew nothing about the abuse. Some abusers are good at covering their tracks. Based on Jerry’s interviews and allegations made against him, it would appear he could barely get out a sentence without sounding like a pedophile. So I do not believe Dottie knew nothing. She may have turned a blind eye to it or may not have cared, but she likely knew.